A
male
age
41-50,
*olarkite
writes:Hi,Many dating guides say you should just talk to random girls to boost your confidence even if you don't like them. I was wondering do girls think this is *wrong* to do? Or is it possible that since it's unknowable if in advance if it's good or bad, then it's okay.Also, supposing you do talk to someone, what should you say or ask, especially if you are not attracted to them. What is the polite way to extradite yourself from the conversation?Thanks!Confused guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I suppose you can avoid giving off the wrong signals by avoiding physical contact, if you are talking to a girl you aren't interested in. And also by keeping the conversation on something neutral and everyday, like jobs and education and where you live and family and stuff like that. This way, even if you're personality is flirtacious then you're not purposefully leading them on. Girls don't mind if you randomly talk to them, as long as you are polite and friendly and not too over-the-top if you are a stranger to them, some women are wary of people they don't know so it would help not to be too forward. xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): Well. I think, if you are talking to girls you don't like (I assume by this you mean you aren't attracted to them) then I think its ok as long as you stick to just friendly conversation. Its not fair to practise flirting techniques on them if you're not interested, that just leads them on. But I do think that talking to random girls is very good to build confidence. With the added bonus that if they are random, you dont need to worry about making a fool of yourself :) Everything gets better with practise. xx
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A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 I think it's ok to chat to whoever you like. I can see that talking to girls that you aren't attracted to can help you gain confidence because you won't be as nervous and can therefore gain more conversational skills. HOWEVER!! No one liked to be used. Don't use less attractive girls as a ego boost for yourself.. make sure that you respect them for who they are and not what they can do for you. Try and have a genuine conversation with anyone really. That's the point of the exercise. Never place yourself on a higher pedestal than others and don't use others for your own purposes.In answer to your question - yes, I as a girl think that chatting up chicks just to boost your confidence is wrong.Just stick to friendly and polite topics as conversation starters, and if the conversation is taking a bad/creepy turn then remain polite but gently excuse yourself... but really you should consider where the conversation might end up before you start talking so you can be prepared.Anyway, the bottom line is - get out there, enjoy yourself and talk to people BUT never use people just to further your own needs.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (3 February 2008):
polarkite is verified as being by the original poster of the question So girls do not mind if you talk to them randomly?How do you not lead someone on when talking and trying to interest them? And if you do lead someone on, how do you "undo" it. I'm afraid that I naturally give off passionate, flirtatious vibes when I talk to girls, often without meaning anything. Unfortunately, this can also come off as smarmy potentially.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I don't think its wrong at all - as long as you don't just lead them on. You can talk to them, and even make friends, but what would be nasty would be if you made them think they had a shot. You've got to be careful when practising flirting or confidence around girls, because they can get the wrong impression and get attached to you.
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