A
male
age
26-29,
*usic lover
writes:Hello I've matched with a guy on tinder and asked for his WhatsApp number and we started chatting we both agreed on first getting to know each other better, we have a few things in common both introverted and both the boring type eg.dont have a social life or friends drink alcohol smoke go clubbing mostly indoors etc he told me about he's previous relationship that he was engaged to a guy after dating for 4 months but had to break up because his boyfriend had to move to a different city which I understand our chats went very well until one day he asked if I could send him a few naked pictures of my chest which was suprising to me but I went ahead and did it i only sended the pics to him moments later after receiving it he asked why I took so long to send it but before that he told me ("I'm a bullshitter") I was very excited of how well our chats have been going that even though of what he said I just choose to ignore it even though I was a bit disappointed, I would ask him questions regarding his education and he'd reply but wouldn't ask about mine, based on the chest and face pictures I've sent him he gave me compliments like eg you are beautiful I like your eyes etc he even asked if I could let him know when I masturbate which I didn't actually have a problem with I was just so excited and really loved chatting with him I told him that I like him and he suggested that we meet soon which was super exciting to me cause I really do like him, earlier in our chats I revealed to him my personality type eg I'm extremely shy not a very talkative person he said it could become a problem because he's concerned how do I build a relationship if I keep to myself and not opening up but I told him I have to get used to a particular person before I start opening up and being comfortable before I start talking more easily he eventually understand and accepted that part of me he even told me to express myself more emotionally that it's our safe space the next day he asked for another "undies" picture of me I told him I'll do so later which I didn't do,later that night he send me a message saying "thanks for nothing" what was bothersome to me was that earlier that day I basically revealed to him that I would be interested in dating him, and he send me that message I mean he's not even interested in asking how my day was or even greeted just interested in the undies picture, the next morning he send he a message saying I abandoned him and I told him I thought he'd still be upset about me not sending the pic, he requested again this time a full naked pic just covering my genitals I told him again I'll do so later he wasn't very impressed, our final chat was that he asked if he could call me which I agreed to but later because it was early @8:10 am I was just caught off guard that's why I suggested that he called me later he wasn't impressed at all his last and final message was "take care" and then he blocked me I was completely devastated and disappointed because I really liked him even though we haven't met in person yet it felt like a lost a lover, boyfriend it felt like he's just broken up with me I don't know why it feels that way to me any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks.
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clubbing, engaged, nude pictures, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2020): Like I said, he'd be contacting you again.
It's like no-one here replied to your post. You are totally oblivious to our advice.
You are destined for a lot of pain; if you don't learn when to dodge trouble when you see it.
Best of luck, my friend!
A
male
reader, Music lover +, writes (26 December 2020):
Music lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello thanks all for the advice he contacted me again after two days telling me that I love receiving pictures but not sending and that I'm an areshole that's why I'm still single I think I was just being desperate that even after those insulting messages I evens apologized to him then he suggested no more sending of pictures because he'd have to wait forever and I've proven that I'm an areshole I'll be honest I've responded by saying that I will send the pictures and he said fine he'll wait for it and suggested I rather send it the following day a few minutes later he told me I can keep my pictures and he'll keep his and that he won't be sending me any pictures (Oh Yes I requested that he send me a selfie, not naked with clothes) which he was extremely willing to do) he then so suggested that we can't be anything more than friends because I'm too self conscious and stuck up,and we can still meet he then recommended a few guys that he knows I asked if they are single and looking for a real relationship and he told me no one is looking for a relationship and that it just happens the next morning he sended me a message asking me to masturbate that night which was confusing because he suggested that we remain friends he's last message to me was that he wants to be inside me, though he hasn't blocked me again because I can still see he's WhatsApp last seen and profile picture six days have past and he hasn't text me yet I don't have to courage to text him back either don't know why I miss him and still think about him but I'm slowly moving on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2020): He wasn't the least bit interested in you. All he wanted was material to masturbate to. Come on, you can't be that naive!
If it wasn't for covid-19 safeguards and restrictions; you two would have met-up, and you might have been a "hit and run!" "Tap that booty and ditch-it!" The online-player's motto! Sex on the first date; and afterward, he'd have ghosted the living daylights out of you! While he gaslighted you, and made you feel bad for not sending him a port folio of nudies and spank-material; he still manipulated you into sending him a bare-chested pic. That was a test of your gullibility and eagerness. Read-on and learn, my friend!
You revealed a lot of intimate details about yourself to him; which made it very easy for him to size you up. He could tell you're needy, insecure, shy, a tad naive, and far too anxious to get to meet him! That gave him the cue to ask for body-pics; and just string you along, knowing how eager you were to meet-up with him. Soooooo typical, if not cliché, of gay-men on Tinder! Better learn to slow your roll, boyfriend! You're fresh meat for trolls and players!
Blocking you was doing you a favor. He was a jerk!
Now don't be a drama queen! You'll get over him! Just beware! If he's a player, this is what he's likely to do. He will let you squirm, pine, and sulk a little while. Then out of the blue, he'll start contacting you again. He'll insist on more revealing pics; and you'll feel pressured and obliged to please him, because you'll fear he'll block you again. He buttered you up with compliments and called you beautiful! Seriously tho?!! What are you, a 16 year-old schoolgirl???
Use this as a learning-experience. Rise above it. Don't ever attempt to contact this guy, or accept any contact from him!!! He will break your heart! You got a preview of what he's all about. Be smart! Everything he accused you of being, whatever he called you...that's what he is!
How do you know how much you have in common? You've never met! You've told him just about everything about yourself! All he has to do is agree, or claim he's the same. He'll be anything you want him to be; if you'll let him see your junk, or send him pics he can spank the monkey to!
Swipe left, and move on!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 December 2020):
 I have to agree with Kenny,
I'm sorry OP, this guy was using you as "entertainment" while working on his broken heart or simply because he is bored and lonely.
And I know that hurts. To know you invested emotionally in someone who wasn't REALLY looking to invest back.
No matter what, OP you do NOT owe ANYONE pictures of yourself, dressed or undressed. And I would in fact suggest that you become a LITTLE more careful with sharing your pictures with someone you DO NOT KNOW in person, you have NO idea where those pictures might end up or used for. It's NOT safe for women to do this, and it's NOT safe for men either.
If a person becomes AGRESSIVE or VERBALLY abusive if you don't IMMEDIATELY send pictures that is a HUGE red flag. You need to be more careful.
Lastly,
OP, I think you dodged a bullet here. He isn't a very nice person. He is demanding, self-absorbed, manipulative, think OTHERS are there to SERVE him and HIS needs.
I think once you take a little time to mull over this and REALLY look at his behavior and HOW he treated you - YOU will realize that YOU can do SO much better.
He might have had some nice sides to him as well but overall, I think he was a dick to you and you deserve better. You can DO better than him.
Find someone who SHOWS as much interest in you, as you show in them. Who wants to meet or do a video chat (and not to se you naked or in a sexual manner). Find someone who TREATS you in a way that you would be like to be treated and how you treat them.
He was not the right one for you. Let it go. Also, BLOCK him and delete his number/info so HE can never contact YOU again.
Chin up. There are more men out there.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (21 December 2020):
 I know its not the advice that you want to hear, but this guy was pulling your chain all along.
There were red flags very early on in your correspondence with him that would have made most people walk away at that point.
You asked him questions about him, his life and you showed an interest. He was nothing but evasive not asking anything about your life instead only wanting you to send pictures of yourself.
You was in to him, but i'm sorry to say he was never in to you and was only after one thing. It would not suprise me if he just had a fake profile just to reel in people and play games.
I know it's hard, but i think you should maybe think that you have dodged a bullet here. He was a serious game player, who deleted and blocked you because you kindly asked him to call later.
You will get over this, don't be put off of dating, you just need to have your wits about you a bit more and recognise the red flags so you can filter out the players, and scammers.
There are good people out there who are right for you, and soon your time will come.
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa +, writes (21 December 2020):
 This guy was only using you for pictures. He was demanding and believed you should have jump at each click of his finger. This isn't a lost love. You've been spared the misery of an abusive relationship.
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