A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I had been hanging out and talking. I guess I kinda freaked and said that I couldn't be friends with her bc I still have feelings for her. Today I got a really long email saying that the reason she had been in contact, trying to hang out ect, was to maybe restart our relationship. But that she broke up with me because I was self absorbed (I started law school, its was/is hard), and she thought I had changed. Now she realizes that i haven't bc I made my own belief about why she was doing this and made it all about me, which I didn't mean to. She tells me I shouldn't respond to her email, and that it should be our last communication, ect. I desparately tried to email her back and set the record straight, but her response is that we just need time. What did I do? I feel like I just ruined any chance I had of being happy with this amazing girl. Can this be salvaged?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 April 2010):
I have the feeling there is more going on with her that she's letting on. Maybe you have been a bit more absorbed, but for her to act that way rather than say anything indicates there could be something else going on. Just give her some time to herself and maybe send her another email at some point. If there is no response after that, then move on.
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 I don't understand why she was so upset... you told her you had feelings for her and she had feelings for you too.... Where is the problem? I fail to see how you trying to protect yourself from becoming "just friends" when you want more is self absorbed. You clearly just didn't know she still liked you, were you supposed to ask? I guess maybe asking would have been useful, but its awfully risky from a rejection stand-point. I think she is being a bit touchy, perhaps because of how you were before. I would tell her that you are sorry for not asking what her intentions were, but if she gives you a chance, you would like to prove that her initial impression was right, and you have changed.
But really, that is all you can do. And it sounds like she is sort of defensive about this. You may not be able to alter her opinion (or you might have to go to great, exhaustive lengths to do it), so if she doesn't respond soon, I wouldn't keep trying. That just means her mind is more or less made up, and that isn't a great way to restart a relationship. You need a clean slate! Good luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Well she thought you had changed and you proved her wrong. There may not be a chance anymore because she may feel foolish for believing that she thought her issues with you (being self absorbed) had changed. If she thinks you both need time and she said to not respond to her email, then I'm not sure it can be salvaged right now. Have patience and take it slow.
...............................
A
female
reader, jessicalove +, writes (15 April 2010):
 hmm well if she thinks that you are self obsorbed then you will just have to prove to her your not, like they say actions speak louder than words.
if she believed you changed once she will again and by the looks of it, it seems like she still cares alot about you so its not to late.
and as for emailing her if your going to email her say some thing meaningful and sweet.
like "(name) I know you believe that i am self obsorbed and maybe i am but right now in my mind and heart you are the most important thing and if you want time i will give you time but please (name) just give me a third chance and if i mess up again lets just call that my 3 wishes gone and i will accept what ever you choose" just make sure whatever you say its from the hurt X3 and by the looks of it i would say she still like you and u still have a chance, you could even dedicate a song that explains how you feel like for instance bowling for soup- a hole lol u might wanna check it out. hope i helped
...............................
|
