A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i live 30 miles away from my boyfriend, and we do see each other as much as we possibly can.on monday my boyfriend didn't visit because he had a lecture on the tuesday morning. then tuesday my boyfriend came to visit. i didn't realise until the wednesday morning that i had work at 12 and i had to go to work. my boyfriend stayed for my whole shift (4 hours) til i'd finished, so he could spend some time with me.he'd promised me that because he couldn't come on the monday, he'd come on the thursday and take me ice skating (he bought me my skates for my birthday) he'd been saying all day that he couldn't wait to see me and that he was fine with coming and he'd come no matter what (because he was feeling ill)but two hours before he was meant to arrive, he said he wasn't going to come. i expressed my dissapointment, i didn't have a go at him, but i said 'saying sorry doesn't stop me from being dissapointed'he blew his top. he said that i forget everything he does for me when i say i'm lucky to have him. he brought up the fact he'd waited all day for me the day before, just so he could spend time with me.i told him it was just because he should've told me earlier (because he's still at home, he's got people around him all the time, but because i'm here, i don't know a lot of people)he always seems to bring up that i don't appreciate him for the good things when he upsets me.he always say i make him feel like a rubbish boyfriend.in my own eyes, i didn't think that the good things came into mind when he'd done something that upset me.i feel like i can't even tell him that i'm upset because he'll just bring up the good things. whenever i try talking to him, it's always me in the wrong.i need serious advice pleaseeeee Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PixiLaTed  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 I know EXACTLY how you feel! My boyfriend has to go away for a week or 2 sometimes for his studies (we live together). When he tells me, i obviously get sad and say 'aww' etc. and he gets irritated. He even leaves it to last minute to tell me, as if he can 'avoid' it - silly men!- and obviously that adds a big of anger into the sadness. But he says what he wants is for me to be happy that hes going, and encourage him (its for the betterment of his life of course) and any LOGICAL woman (yes lets all raise our hands) can see that that makes perfect sense. He feels bad to leave me, but he knows he has to.I think what happened here is that your guy felt bad that he couldn't come, and he hates to make u disappointed. They honestly leave it to as late as possible before telling you, like it will hurt less lol! So with him thinking about how bad he feels already, what he wants is for you to say 'Oh its OK, dont worry, maybe another time' Of COURSE you're sad, but he wants to hear that its OK, not a reassurance that yes, he indeed disappointed you.THIS is where the anger comes from (Scuse this massive ambush of an answer!). He feels like he's made huge effort in the week and that he's just a 'big disappointment'(my boy says this, while mentioning that he brought me dinner and taped my fave shows during the week).To them, it feels like he made a huge effort, and now because your time has ended with a disappointment, that his commitment doesn't count. I KNOOW what you mean though, I've said the exact same thing to my boy:' Am I not ALLOWED to be sad that you're leaving for a week?!' Cue silly fight ;)So from what I get from it, he really loves you and hates to disappoint, thats why he tells you with 2 hours notice (boys seem to put off saying bad things to their gfs, not to hurt them but to cushion themselves!), and thats why he got mad (he really wants you to see the good in him, and not remember your week together as a letdown). He's a good one!
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 A partner should do nice things for you because he WANTS to. He should never throw the things he does for you back into your face. In all honesty, you don't need somebody like that. He's manipulative and selfish. A guy should take you being disappointed that he isn't coming as a compliment that you really want to be with him.... NOT that he's doing something bad.
If he's doing this now then he's not going to change. It'll always be a comparison and will never be in your favor. If you don't do something nice for him he will say "I do so much for you and you don't do anything for me" but if you DO do something nice for him he will say something like "Well of course you did something nice for me.... I ALWAYS do nice stuff for you".
A relationship isn't a competition. You're better off without him. He's going to hurt your self confidence and effect future relationships of yours.
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