A
female
age
30-35,
*iss May
writes:I am engaged. We have been friends for several years, but always had a thing for each other. He was with his ex... and I was with mine for about 4 years, but we remained friends throughout that whole time. My fiance ended his relationship with his ex, and i ended mine. eventually we got together and everything has been fine, until recently. He now has a child with her, which makes me insecure because that is something they share that we dont yet. I honestly think he still has feelings for her. He says her name in his sleep... talks about her all the time, tries to keep in contact with her, and it hurts. I feel like I am his second choice. i love him with my whole heart, and our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for her.I dont know how to approach him about it, and if I did I think I would be afraid of his response. I dont know what to do and some advise would be awesome.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Hi there, I am in a very similar situation and and is interesting with your point of view. He is with you and has chosen to be with you. It is a little odd with the sleep talking and constant talking about her but you may need to like at this objectively. Why the contact with the ex? Is it to do with the child? You need to confront him with this and discuss it. Ask why the contact is it nessary, I do not like when you contact the ex etc. Let him know and ask for improvement. Like any relationship they all take work. My GF also thinks I want to contact the ex, I have no desire no wish but simply a neccesity. I do not enjoy any contact with the ex. My GF does not understand either. I wish she would understand I love her. It is a difficult situation but hang in. It is a tough road though
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I am in the same position and honestly if i could give you advice it would be to not get involved. it is the HARDEST thing you could imagine in a relationship. i thought i would be able to deal with it but 2 years later i cant. you are young, you wont be with this guy forever save yourself the pain.
my bf now will not go out clubbing, wont go to parties or festivals even when the child is with her mother because he is now a dad and feels that he cant do these things. your better off with a guy who can put you first, i mean your at the most 21, im sure you still want to be selfish and have all the attention of your bf, i know i wish i did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Hello, I understand how you feel. I too have the same problem. For you this has JUST become an issue and let me tell you, it doesnt go away.
She was obviously a very significant person in his life, they were together for a while and they also had a child together. That is the biggest connection you can have with someone. Period.
He might have broken up with her- but he obviously still thinks about her as he says her name in his sleep. Also he will ALWAYS have contact with his ex as she is the mother of his child- so she isn't going anywhere. The child serves as a constant reminder of their bond.
At the end of the say (and rightly so) the child will come first. Then the woman who gave him the child and then everyone else.
I have been in my relationship for over four years and wish I had left sooner as the longer I leave it the harder it gets as naturally I got attached to my bf
Leave now- it will save you a lot of heart ache.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 February 2010):
This is the price of taking on a man who has a connection with someone else. Of course without her everything would be perfect. But she's there, and so is his child. And they're not going away. If you think he will suddenly stop trying to keep on contact, he can't. He has a child. If you think that you can suddenly change him so his attention is all on you, you can't. He ended it with her, so it's safe to say that he loves you. She did't end it with him. If you can't accept that she will always be in his life, then you need to move on now, because this problem will only get worse. You need to accept that he has a child with this woman and she and the child will always be there.
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