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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im in love with a man who is scared of getting hurt, when we are together we have lots of fun and do everything except have sex. He says he doesn’t trust women and doesn’t know if he ever will again. Iv been hurt too and as far as I know iv never hurt anyone that I was seeing. I feel like Im getting the blame for his past bad relationships. What do I do? I love him but he just doesn’t trust me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are good. Im going to see him on the weekend and im going to take on bourd your idea's. What your saying makes sence.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 February 2010):
I think you need to talk to him about his past hurt. That will give you a clearer indication of how he feels for those that hurt him, and also give you a clearer indication of how he feels for you. He might open up and tell you everything, and then you'll be able to build on that. When a man who has been hurt says 'I wont' trust another woman again', then 90% of the time he's really saying that he wants you to take it slow and prove that he can trust you. Then the trust can be built up. However, 10% of the time the men become so emotionally unavailable that they never trust again. You need to find out whether he is a man who's trust you need to work for a bit more, or whether he is a man who is just going to distrust you. Then you can make a decision on whether you want to be with him or not.
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reader, polarkite  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 it sounds like he has issues from his past and isn't ready for sex.
so blaming would be like him punishing you or being mean to you for his past relationships. if he's doing that then that's wrong. if he's doing that you need to let him know he can't do that to you.
if he's said to you he's not ready for sex because of his past, well that's just being honest and that's okay. it might feel like punishment on your part, but he's being real with you. i imagine he really likes being with you and must find the fact that he isn't ready for sex to be deeply frustrating.
the big problem is when he's blaming you and not being upfront about it. it's one thing for him to be honest about his feelings, and quite another to just treat you badly and act like that's okay. if he's unable to provide certain things than he needs to be totally honest about it with you and take responsibility for it. he also needs to commit to changing so he can trust you and be more open with you. otherwise, it's like you are wasting your time.
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reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 There is some positive argument in your and in his favor, that will help to rebuild positive attitude.
It is that LOVE IS GREAT, NO MATTER LOVER PROVE TO BE HURTING.
So, bad experience from past lover should not be allowed to lead your faith in love. love is great and cause of blissful life. So, explain this to your self and to your love one.
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reader, Griffo +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I know some people would beg to differ, but try talking to him about "the one" who hurt him. A girl in his past has hurt him deeply when he must have given his love to her. He's one of the guys who lives in silence preferring not to be with someone again. But he has found you, and he doesn't understand why you are there and why you would love him.
I've said this many times on this site but guys usually fall for a girl usually in their teens or early 20's and it's very deep pure love. When that girl says she's not ready, or dumps him Or does not tOe his love seriously for no reason these guys change. They either become in short here: a player, a bad boy, choose to be single, or become emotionally unavailable. This is why you find some men distancing themselves from saying those three words later in their lives.
But in this case it seems he could be making himself emotionally unavalable in love. Even if yoU are his girlfriend. I think he respects you alot for being there but he is affraid you will leave him if he tells you he loves you too. Or has sex/"makes love" with you. That's why it called making love.
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