A
female
age
36-40,
*rettyprincess2011
writes:my last question was about shemale porn and my husband, and I had wonderful replies so I am back. my new issue is my lack in the bedroom. I got that one of the reasons that he watched (or is still watching, I don't know anymore) the shemale porn was because they were really into it. they wanted to be wanted, where as I (most of the time) don't care if I have sex or not. I know it affects our relationship, but will I always be this way? I know that life for each person is different and that has an effect on one's sex drive, but we are in a good place in life now and I feel like I am a bad partner because I lack a sex drive. and he wants it all the time. could there be something wrong with me? we are only in our early 20s and feel like I am making things weird between us because of this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Yeah you should talk to your doctor about the pill and see if he can get you on something else probably.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2011):
 discuss changing BCP with your doctor and explain why... it's not anything to be ashamed of.
maybe watching porn with him will make a difference too....
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A
female
reader, prettyprincess2011 +, writes (19 July 2011):
prettyprincess2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI no longer really have negative feelings about the porn. Everyone has their own tastes, it was the fact that he tried to hid it from me. And I mean really tried. But now with the fact that I have this issue, I feel like it is more my fualt that he would turn to porn than not. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can try and revive my sex drive. Should I change birth control? Watch porn myself? I feel like a horrible partner, any insight would help me.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (6 July 2011):
 How long ago did you discover he looks at porn? I ask only because my sex drive went down after I found out my fiance looks at porn. This was a little over a year ago and until I finally accepted him using it as a source of pleasure my sex drive started to go back to normal.
I that is not the source of this, it may be your birth control. Did you recently switch to a new kind? I have dealt with that also and for me it was like a brick wall. I was horny a lot and then all of a sudden I could care less if we had sex.
Olderthandirt has a good point to. It is normal so to say for women to experience a decrease in their sex drive in long term relationships. Some have a very small decrease and some experience a big decrease. This is because we feel comfortable with our men and get our emotional connection from something other than sex. If you think this could be the case, maybe get a book on tantric sex and try that. There are exercises you can do with one another that are very intimate and can build a stronger connection in that area and maybe you will see an increase in your sex drive.
Good luck with this!
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A
female
reader, prettyprincess2011 +, writes (1 July 2011):
prettyprincess2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am on birthcontrol (lutera)m and my sex drive was a lot better, it has kinda just faded away. And I still really love and care about him, it just pisses me off that becausse I would rather sleep, I get to wake up with him humping me or trying to finger me or anything else he can do. And if I had a bigger sex drive he would be like that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2011):
have you always had a lower drive or is this a new issue?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): My three main questions are...
1) are you on birth control and if so, which one?
2) Do you feel emotionally connected with your husband, or are you feeling sad/angry/unwanted by him
3) Have you always had this low of a sex drive, do you just have a low frequency of desire or is this a change? If its a change when did it change?
also, when you do have sex, on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy it?
I know im answering with a bunch of questions but it would help me better understand whats going wrong here! :)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 July 2011):
 don't feel bad, I don't know any wives that have a sex drive after the third year of marriage..it's "normal"
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