A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here's my dilemma, I a 20yr old woman and last year I left a 4yr relationship and I knew I wanted to be single for a while but as we all know not everything goes as planned. A few months after my break up I met a 23yr old guy in November and even though there was instant attraction we just became friends, but we would talk here and there hung out 2 or 3 times and then in January of this year we took it to a whole other level, we became sex buddys but we left it perfectly clear that neither one of us wanted a relationship and we both still did our own thing even though we were each others main person, we did start acting like a couple we would go out places and stay the night at each others place and called each other babe or baby but when we would be apart we stayed out of each others business, I have to say it was relationship that worked, and it lasted 6 months. Now I'm not gonna lie I did like him a little but not enough to want to be in a committed serious relationship with him but things got complicated cause this month he had to leave to another state unexpectedly and to be honest I thought that was it for us but even though he's miles away our emotional relationship stays the same the babe and baby and I miss you and the texting and the late night talks. And since he has been gone he has told me that he did want to attempt to take what we have to another level make up more like an unlabeled couple then sex buddys and we decided that we could try. Now that you have all the details here's my problem : he has just asked me to send him nude pics, the reasons are obvious and well now a days that's considered normal let's be real. I've never sent nude pics before but I have also never with someone in another state, would I be dumb to send him nude pics ? I'm sorry for the length but I am grateful for whatever piece of advice you can give me.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (3 July 2011):
 Even IF you make that commitment, even with marriage, you have no guarantees that your nude pics would be treated with ultimate privacy.
There are plenty of wives, gf's, lovers that were promised the world and their pictures and videos have been shared.
The answer is still no.
If he wants to see your naked body, it can be when you actually show him in the flesh.
It does not sound like you ARE in a serious relationship and he could just be playing you for what he wants. Considering he had an ex that also gave him nude pics; he may have done this before.
Also, while he may have deleted them off his phone, I doubt they are gone for him to view elsewhere. Highly unlikely.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2011):
 "I did like him a little but not enough to want to be in a committed serious relationship with him."
"he did want to attempt to take what we have to another level make up more like an unlabeled couple then sex buddys and we decided that we could try."
My personal threshold for this kind of thing is this: either you ARE an official couple or you are not. Either you are dating or you are just casual friends. If you are NOT an official couple with all the world knowing and going out as a couple, then you do not share digital images of naked bits, no matter what other people might do. If you think that sending him nude pics of yourself will launch you into official "girlfriend" status, I would think again.
There's nothing wrong with being clear about what YOU want from a relationship, or from him. There's nothing wrong with saying, "no, that makes me uncomfortable." I'd say it would probably mean he'd treat you with greater respect. Guys may not admit it, but they like a woman who stands up for herself. That type of woman gets greater respect, and is far more likely to be treated the way she is expecting, than the woman who expects him to be a mind-reader and who acquiesces to every thing he asks of her.
The answer for me would be "look, I appreciate that you like my body and want to look at it. Very flattering. However, I am not comfortable with giving you digital images of my body at this time. We can discuss it when you get back, and IF we actually move in together. That's all the future for now, so we'll get to that when the time comes."
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2011):
 I love my LDR boyfriend very much... I trust him totally he's 38 and would NOT spread my pictures around if i gave him any but I will NOT give him nude pictures... NOT happening... there is no need for it. would you want your daddy to see them?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 July 2011):
 He may not want to share you now, but if you two end things or he gets angry or you fight, that attitude could change really fast. You don't want that stuff circulating around.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 July 2011):
 Tell this guy to join an art class sketching nudes with charcoal on paper.
But NO, a thousand times NO. He has no place asking for nude photos of you.
When anything ever causes you concern, then ask yourself: 'think what this could become???'
Once one person has nude photos of you then you have no control of where those pictures will go next.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i posted the question, & @ so very confused no its not permanent & we are talking about moving in together when he moves back but i just dont know what to do, when we started talking he had pics of his ex gf but never let me see them and when they completely he deleted them and he let me go through his phone to see, he says that he asks for the pics for him, why would he want to "share me" with anybody else ? does this information even make a difference ? or are the answers still no ?
i appreciate every bodys time and advice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): Once you send those, they are out of your control.Do you like that idea?Would you like random strangers, the whole world without restriction, your boss, your family, your children someday, to see them?If the answer to any of that is no, then don't send nude pics.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 July 2011):
Not unless you get a legal document for him to sign saying if he ever divulges them to any other person you can sue him for all he is worth, own his soul, and his manhood in a jar. Then, my all means...go ahead.Others alreayd posted...nononono....never give any nudie pics to anyone unless you plan on having them posted on the internet forever.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (1 July 2011):
no i would never send nude pics anymore to anyone what if you,s split up and he put them or the internet or something like that he may also show his mates i had that happen to me once
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 July 2011):
 I personally never send nude pics, there is always a chance they can be passed onto someone else or could end up online. Not nice!
Plus I also think they de-value you a bit and it is a bit cheap - not a particularly classy thing to do, and the idea of a man masturbating over it is not a nice thought to me anyway.
The only time when I think it would be an ok thing to do would be if you were in a serious relationship where you trusted him to not do anything stupid with them. But in your case it is just a FWB and he is long-distance now so you wont even know what he does with them and who he shows them to.
Its up to you and if you feel comfortable with it - but if you dont feel happy about it then dont do it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 July 2011):
Yes it's normal to send pics. It's also normal to post those pics on the internet and text and email them around to everyone he knows for a laugh or to show off or if you break up and he's having a bad day.
Given that this isn't a serious relationship it's very difficult to know for sure that you can trust him not to show them around. A lot of people would tell you it's safe so long as he sends nude pics to you, but men aren't the ones who are socially outcast for a "slut" label, women are.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2011):
"well now a days that's considered normal let's be real." Just because a lot of people do it doesn't make it a smart thing to do. Lots of people drink too much and drive too. Or smoke and think they won't have health consequences.
"I've never sent nude pics before but I have also never with someone in another state, would I be dumb to send him nude pics?" Here's what to consider, I think, if you don't mind those pictures being posted somewhere on the internet or shared with other people, like his buddies, then by all means go ahead and do it.
If you don't like him enough to be in a committed relationship with him, why are you wasting your time on a long distance "friends with benefits" relationship? Get a local guy if that's what you want, and then you won't run the risk of your private bits being posted on the internet.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2011):
I would NOT send nude pics... maybe pinup pics.. but nothing nude....
my boyfriend lives in another state and we are very much a committed couple... but we are only a 2 hour drive apart and plan to close the distance by the end of the year...
has your friend moved permanently? how far? would you want to try to make a relationship work with him?
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