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female
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*llieanna
writes: Hi all,Im 21 and have recently met my first and current boyfriend..actually when i say recent i mean 4 weeks ago..we have been in college with eachother for about a year..but our lectures are quite large so i never noticed him..i met him on a night out and we dated for a week after that and then he asked me out..so soon i know..but i agreed..a few things seemed a little off but being 21 and never having a boyfriend i really wanted to experience it!! I liked dating and loved the attention he was giving me.. i get alot of attention from boys from a looks point of view but he really seemed to want to know my personality and listened to me! Im a model and have recently recovered from an eating disorder so this new relationship really seemed like i was growing..lots of guys have asked me out before but i just havent been interested as i was too sick and there was just too much going on in my life! Where im at now is im confused hurt and basically at my wits end!! In the past week this guy my boyfriend has gone completely cold..wen were walking togeher he practically walks ahead of me..wen i text him he may not text back..its like hes bored or angry wit me..wen i brought it up..he genuinely had no idea wat i was on about..im not a stupid girl so i tested him on this and asked well wat about an open relationship where we can both see other ppl to see wat his reaction was and he was totally not for it!!i was glad i like having a boyfriend..hes not treating me right tho!! we went out dat night after the talk and he was eyeing up other girls but wen i looked at him he got really embarrassed its weird..hes not cocky and trying to piss me off or anything its like he is oblivious and borderline stupid..god i dont know!! We have tried having sex 4 times and each time it hasnt worked..im too tight for him to enter me..and its not cause im nervous i really want to do it..dont know if that has something to do with my eating disorder..im so confused..is this why he is acting strange?? he asked me the other night would i be interested in a threesome.. i was so hurt!! My head is spinning i dont know wat to do...help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): Dear, what's with the confusion? Let's call it what it is...you have an uncaring lout for a bf! You like him, but he's making you feel devalued. When a guy does this to any women..what's the next step. It's getting him the heck out of your life! I hope you believe you are worth a lot more than this horrid treatment he is dishing out, because you are. The sooner you drop this ass, the better. Why? Because when you dump him, you haven't lost much and you free yourself to get out there and find someone who does treat you with respect. You said it yourself-- a lot of guys look at you. Tell him..'I don't like how you are treating me..so let's call it a day.' and walk away. Stop thinking that without this man, you'll always be alone. That is fear ruling your life. It's more realistic to be aware that in this unfulfilling half a relationship you are not available to people who'd treat you better. There are plenty of great guys out there who'd be glad to have a kind, loyal, supportive girlfriend like you. You're attractive enough to have found this guy, so you're attractive enough for other people to ask you out, as well. You don't have to cling onto the first person who asks you out unless, you like him. Get back some strength and stop allowing a man's attentions to take your common sense away. And work on your self-esteem and confidence...this may be your biggest barrier right now, to allowing yourself to being stepped on. Do the work of getting out of this before he degrades you further. Heal and recover..get support and companionship from your good, trusted friends, and decide that from now on, you will listen to your feelings when you get in a relationship and never tolerate bad treatment from a guy like this again. Good luck, dear!
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