A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My man and I use to have sex all the time, couldn't get enough of each other.for the past few months, he never initiates, he says he is having a hard time getting hard.I try all kinds of things, I even please myself in front of him. I feel like he isn't interested in me sexually, but I feel like he loves me. I miss having sex with him. Any ideas that can help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 January 2019):
 " What a drag it is getting old ", as the Rolling Stones would put it. You sound surprised but you should not be, if your partner is your age or older. Any way you look at it, he is way past his sexual prime and peak performance ( older studies put that at 18-20, and newer ones at 30 ), after which it declines more or less gradually ,more or less rapidly according to each individual, but it does decline, with the decline of testosterone levels. So it's quite normal for a man in his age bracket to experience a lower sex drive, a delayed ,much less immediate response to stimulation, and episodes of erectile dysfunction. Of course you will have people who'll say " Why, my uncle Charlie used to chase women in his 70s and at 81 he got pregnant the neighbours' daughter "- but Uncle Charlie is way more the exception than the rule, and having some difficulty, or at least less facility, in their sex life is nothing unusual for mature men, particularly if they smoke, drink, are sedentary, don't eat healthy, are overweight and are under stress.
Not to mention that there are a lots of physical conditions ( diabetes, poor blood circulation, thyroid problems, etc. ) which affect both desire and sexual performance. Your first logical step would be therefore to consult a doctor , who can assess the general state of his health and see if there's something specifically causing his ED problems, and anyway prescribe medicines and / or diet and lifestyle changes to make things better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2019): Have him checked for diabetes. He also may need to check his testosterone-level. Smoking, too much drinking, poor diet, stress, lack of sleep, and no exercise will lower the libido. If he's over 50, age creeps up on you!
A penis is a body-part, not a mechanical-device! Erections are affected by age and/or your health. Not just because you don't turn him on anymore.
Have him talk to his doctor. If he's diabetic, it's important to catch it in its early stages. He may need a prescription for ED.
Get him to exercise, quit smoking, cut down on drinking, and get some rest, and avoid fast-foods. His testosterone level might pickup naturally.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 January 2019):
 What will help depends a lot on what the basis of the problem is. At our age erectile dysfunction is as common as dirt. There are several middle age medical problems that can affect it. Weight, diabetes, high blood pressure, low testosterone, the usual suspects. Then there are emotional reasons, the most common is stress.
That's the big one because stress causes impotence and impotence causes stress.
As far as ideas to help, well it seems that vacations and getaways are a cure for stress but sometimes it backfires. Mostly just relax and try to keep the performance pressure off him.
Medical problems, should start with a doctor visit. In the US the doc is going to prescribe an erection drug like viagra. It is important that the doc runs enough tests to figure out what is causing it.
If it really is that he is just not interested in you any more it is harder to fix.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2019): In all probability this has nothing to do with him not being interested in you sexually. It's not uncommon for a man in his age group, and I'm assuming he is about your age, to have this problem. The best thing for him to do would be to see his doctor and get a complete physical exam. If he is healthy enough he can get a prescription to help with his erectile dysfunction.
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