A
female
age
41-50,
*atnip
writes:I've always suffered with anxiety and ruminating thoughts etc. Lately this has got alot worse. I've been trying to work through and figure at out what the under lying feelings are and why I feel this way. I feel alot of fear and get so overwhelmed but even the smallest of task. It's like I have a fear i can't or won't be able to cope. I'm a working busy parent like many others so it's all the usual juggling and stuff to be done. I know it's life stuff. I remember my mother who was severely depressed and pretty neglectful when I was young found everything a chore and spent most of her time letting us know it. Sometimes I catch my thoughts and think "God I sound like my mother". What I would really like is to feel empowered and be stronger and have more confidence. However, I was thinking about this and strangely this also frightens me. I can be honest and look at myself and I see I'm getting stuck in some kind of negative almost victim like mentality and maybe because that's familiar it's scary to think about being empowered and independent and change that. I do have abandonment issues which I work on but do come up. So maybe it's something to do with that. I want to work on this before it starts over taking so much and spills out into my everyday life more and more. My question is why do I feel fear and anxiety of not being able to cope AND being able to cope AND feel empowered.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): Wise Owl is a very wise owl and I would listen to his advice and Chill. A good outlet is the healing arts,they can help us chill. Reach your inner world, a quite place that has no history.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2019): We're living in a generation of selfishness and rampant criticism. Society places a lot of emphasis on looks, material-things, money, and tearing each other apart.
You can only live life one day at a time. Set reasonable goals; and try to reach them. We place too much value on pop-culture and popularity. The entertainment industry, beauty industry, porn industry, social media, and politics keeps shifting us from one place to another. Everyone is trying to keep-up. Everybody wants fame and a label! A brand!
They are constantly telling us what we want; or what we must have! You've got to buy this or that; or have the biggest and the newest. Paying extortious prices on stupid junk! Just to say we got it! Hoping to impress somebody! Relax!
Afraid to tell our kids we can't afford it! Or no, not now!
People are constantly trying to outdo each-other. You have to one-up whatever someone does, or says. Envy gets the better of us! Always believing somebody has more, looks better, or are happier than we are. "She got married before I did, she has a boyfriend, I don't." Blah, blah, blah! She's whining about what others have that she doesn't!!!
Why???
Because there are multi-billion dollar industries that have learned how to exploit our weaknesses for profit. They have a pill for everything, and a long scientific-name for a simple fart! Medicines with side-effects scarier than your illness! Politics makes us hate people who are different or choose a peaceful path to changing our world. Rather than by force, unfair financial-advantage, weapons, and war!
Take a chill-pill instead! I love to cook, entertain, and garden. My house is a horticultural wonder! I get peace through prayer and worship; and helping others. I make mistakes, tell a lie now and then; and I don't get to work on time every single day. I still have a job, I get promotions, and I am loved. I forgive, I refuse to hate because of differences. It takes a load off my mind. I cry, hurt when pricked, laugh, and listen to constructive-criticism. I consider the source. I avoid hypocrites. It keeps me sane and calms my nerves.
So there are people in therapy, on pills, and scared to leave the house. Mouths have no filters, crowds have no manners, and devices are how we communicate; rather than interact face-to-face. Everything we do is selfish and impersonal. Simplify your life. Inhale BEFORE you exhale! Don't forget to exhale! You can't hold your breath forever!
Coping really means staying sane when the world around you is going crazy. You have to stop and regroup. It's not always you who's messed-up; it's the environment around you.
Stop and give yourself a break. Stop trying to over-analyze your every thought and move. Let go of the past, to make some room in your mind to deal with the present. The world moves fast; but hit the pause-button. If you're still dealing with your childhood, while you're an adult; you're covering way too much ground at the same time. You're over-taxing yourself, that's why you ruminate on things until they wear you to a frazzle. Get a hobby. Be creative. Give your mind a rest. Do something to slow-down your thoughts.
We cannot turn-back time or rewrite our childhoods. It was what it was. So when you let your mind move forward to the present; you have cut more than half the weight bearing-down on your nerves; and causing you such anxiety. Your mother is who she is, and was who she was. You can't change her. Stop tearing yourself down, and you might see some daylight.
Stop telling yourself what's wrong with you; and just find ways to be better. Have patience with yourself, and like yourself. You work hard, you take care of your kids, and somehow you've survived without totally losing your mind.
You're a good person, being too hard on herself. Overwhelmed like the rest of us. We all scream and tear-out our hair!
We neglect our inner-selves. Our souls. The average always compare themselves to over-achievers, and over-achievers compete to be the best. When we discover our limitations; we consider that failure. Why??? Try something else.
Everybody can't be wealthy-genius-supermodels! Maybe they'll eventually genetically-engineer a perfect race; but they will not have a soul. It will be mimicking perfection; which is unearthly and unobtainable. Artificial is the best we can do. We're not God! So you need to get out of your head; and just take a breather. Find a quiet little place of worship. It doesn't matter what denomination; just feed the spirit. Nothing radical, strict, or full of zealots. Just people who believe in something good. Ease-up on yourself and place your troubles on a Higher Power. Find some peace!
You're a loving-mother. You already know your faults. Stop dwelling on them, and pounding your head against the wall; because you can't like yourself. Well, fix what you can; and embrace what nature made you. If you need therapy, get some. Just don't be too reliant on it; unless you're diagnosed with severe mental-health issues. You can't heal without professional-help. If you get it, seriously commit to it.
Take care of yourself. Mind, body, and soul. Give yourself credit. You've survived up to this point, based on the resources and intellect you have. If there is room for improvement, work on one thing at a time. You don't always need a makeover, just a tweak. If you believe in God, anyway you were taught to worship; add it back into your life. I'm tired of the hate stories about how wicked religious parents did this and that. God didn't do it, they did! God is love!
Find ways to distract yourself from being so critical of yourself; and always telling yourself how weak you are. If you tell yourself that over and over, it will stick; and you'll never undo it. Just like when grandmother said "stop frowning, or your face will freeze like that!" On some people, it seems it was true!
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