A
male
age
22-25,
*ain001
writes:I recently got caught messaging another girl my by gf of one year. Me and my gf had planned to get married and have a future together so I don't know why I did what I did. After getting caught I explained everything that happened and she broke it off. I told and showed my remorse and regret but I want to win her back. I understand she won't have trust for me but I'm going mad and feel depressed. Is there anyways to go about this and maybe win her back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2019): You probably won't get her back. A year is a little long for two people your age. See, you couldn't help yourself from flirting with somebody else! Thinking of marriage at your age makes no sense. What about getting an education and finding jobs? Do you even know what you want to do for a living, or where you want to attend university for your advanced degree?
Girls tend to hold-on tight to relationships; when they are too young to be so serious. You're not supposed to be so intense you're talking abot marriage; when people 10 years older than you are just getting to the phase of life they're ready for it.
It was very insensitive of you to be texting someone else right there with her. Just as bad, if not worse, behind her back! Regret always comes too late! Now you know what happens when you betray the trust of someone who cares for you! You also have to value trust and be considerate of your girlfriend's feelings. You wouldn't like catching her texting another boy!!!
You didn't seem so in-love with your girlfriend; while texting the other girl. I think you're more afraid of her finding another boyfriend than anything else.
It might be tough to be told; but it's best when young teens separate at some point. To concentrate more on their studies, learn to socialize with people other than girlfriends or boyfriends; and learn to be independent. Talking marriage at 16-17 usually leads to early sex; and babies before you finish school. It's way too intense for your age!
It was probably more her than you. You were just following along; but she was more likely serious about it! If I were her dad and heard such discussions; she'd be off to boarding school! That's just me!
You'll get over her. It will hurt now and then. It's for the best; because school should be the most important thing on your mind. If this takes you away from that; then it means you weren't ready for it in the first-place. At your age, anything that takes you away from your studies is a distraction. Something you need less of!
Don't beat yourself up. It was wrong, but you're also a kid. You're smart for your age, but that doesn't make you an adult; and able to make the best decisions. Forgive yourself and in time she will too. Let her go. Deal with your pain and get your head straight.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 January 2019):
 Is there anything you can do to get her back?
Probably not.
YOU need to RESPECT and ACCEPT that she doesn't want a BF who did what YOU did. WE all have limits to what we find acceptable in a relationship, we all have boundaries. YOU probably also KNEW it wasn't OK to be chatting up another woman/girl but you thought you could get away with it. And you REALLY didn't care about consequences or your GF's feelings... UNTIL you got caught.
Feeling remorse.. not sure you do. You might feel remorse at getting caught, because it showed a flaw in YOU.
You are 16-17 ? So it's still WAY too soon to be thinking about marriage and forever. You aren't MATURE enough for all that. Your recent actions shows that.
And yes, breaking up sucks. But you aren't going to go mad or become depressed over a break up.
TAKE the time to ACTUALLY understand WHY she felt hurt, WHY your actions weren't OK and TAKE responsibility. LEARN from this. Work on some self-improvement here.
Leave her be, let her process the break up in HER own way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2019): If you really loved her, no one woman can tempt you. Unless this was just a friend that she was aware of, you have some growing up to do. I wish I had left my ex when I caught him texting.
You might be too young for a serious thing. Not your fault
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (14 January 2019):
 OP, you did what you did because you're still a kid. You're both too young to be planning a future past going to college/uni or getting your first proper job, that includes marriage being too serious for teens to discuss seriously. You're still immature (she will be in some ways too), which is normal for your age. You hurt her, though.Were you messaging the girl platonically or flirting? If it was platonically, there's nothing wrong with it, but some guys/girls get jealous over their partner having friends of whichever gender they're attracted to. If she reacted badly to you just talking to another girl like you'd talk to any guy friend, then she has some growing up to do before being in a relationship.If you were flirting with the other girl, which being "caught" suggests, then it's you who needs to grow up a bit before being in a relationship.Give it time, OP. If you apologise and she isn't interested, respect that and leave her alone. If you're meant to have that future together, you will do. If not, you won't.As for "going mad and feel depressed", it's natural to be upset, but try not to be dramatic. Break ups are hard, but you're not going mad or depressed - just very sad, which is okay and a horrible part of dating. Hang out with friends. Spend time with family. Take a break from looking at her social media or talking to her, unless in a group. Potentially write her a letter, but don't send it.Be patient with yourself, learn from this (depending on how you were talking to the other girl) and accept it if she doesn't want to give you another chance. It will hurt, but you will both eventually find other people - with most people having 2 to 7 proper relationships in their lifetimes. It won't comfort you now, but please remember to stay grounded, knowing that the sadness will pass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2019): Think of this as a valuable lesson learnt.
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