A
female
age
30-35,
*attie90
writes:hi all i have a question that is bugging the crap out of me! ok my boyfriend really wants a three way but i dont because i dont want all of his attention to be directed to someone else is that to selfish because ive had a three way but the last one i had my boyfrined dumped me for this other girl and it worries me that he might do like my ex did but the other thing is is that he told me to find one of my friends that i think is uglier then me now hes not telling me that im ugly hes saying to find someone that i think is ugly so its kinda difficult because i have the lowest selfesteem ever i cant even look at myself in the mirror i start breaking down and crying. now another thing is that is this just an alternative to cheating on me because thats what i am thinking of that its just a way to have sex with someone else without getting caught! i dont know what to do i want to tell him how i feel but i believe he'll get mad please help me!
View related questions:
my ex, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Why don't you turn it around on him and suggest he bring a friend for you. Fair is fair isn't it. Honestly, if he intends on cheating he's gonna do it one way or the other.
A
female
reader, daisydaresyou  +, writes (27 April 2008):
If you have low self esteem this threesome isn't gonna help. You clearly don't wanna do it, and you've had a bad experience with it in the past, so don't do it! I don't get where the idea that this is 'selfish' comes from?! Since when are people entitled to threesomes? You should never do something you're uncomfortable with. If you boyfriend is worth having, he will understand and not push you to do something that will hurt you. IF he doesn't understand, it's time to find a better boyfriend because you deserve better than that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Well in my opinion, all threesomes are basically just cheating with the permission to cheat. But does it make it any better? No, not really. You should be faithful to your partner, and keep yourselves for each other - not invite someone else into such a special thing just for the sake of pleasure. You've seen how your last one worked out, and I'm sure that hurt you a lot. Why risk it again? Also, it seems likely that all the way through all you'll be thinking is "Does he find her more attractive?" and put yourself down, because it seems you don't have much self-confidence. I don't believe you should demean yourself to this standard, and put your relationship at risk. Explain how you're feeling about it to him, and if he's a loving, caring boyfriend that is worth your time, I'm sure he'll understand. Good luck :]
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 Well you already done it once and know how it can work out. Why risk it again?
But isn't your real problem that you are insecure? That seems a far more serious issue especially as it seems to make you go for guys like this.
The whole "ugly" thing doesn't exactly paint a picture of a wonderful guy. He is trying to find a girl you think is ugly, wow what girl can resist an invitation to a three-some like that,"Hi, you seem to be more ugly then my gf, want to join us in the sack".
I would suggest dumping losers like this that prey on your insecurities and working on your self-esteem first so you see men like these for the weasels they are.
Offcourse that is easier said then done, but do you really want to be in relationships like these for the rest of your life?
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (26 April 2008):
 Not sure if it is his excuse to cheat but if you have low self esteem you absolutely should NOT do this. Even the most confident of women could break down watching their boyfriend have sex with another woman. I can't imagine it. Like the previous poster said, it is cheating, but with permission. Let him know how uncomfortable you are with it and do not do it unless you feel like you really want to, which to me it sounds like you don't, at all. If he keeps pushing it on you or telling you to "find an ugly girl", then leave him. He should respect your wishes and not force anything on you that you do not wish to do. Good luck, and don't be insecure, you are beautiful! Who cares if your last boyfriend left you for the other girl, he is an asshole and it has nothing to do with you or how you look.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): All threesomes are is cheating with permission. And, in your case, your permission would be obtained under duress, since it's quite clear you do not want to do this. The odds of there not being any fallout from having a threesome are virtually nil. They are bad news, plain and simple. You say you already have low self-esteem - what do you think watching your bf make love to another woman will do for your self-esteem? Tell him how you feel. So what if he gets mad? If he does, he just done you the favour of letting you know he's a jackass who's not worth one second more of your time or affection - in that case, dump his sorry ass.
...............................
|
