A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What are you supposed to do when everyone just watches anime, netflix, and talks about food?Every person i meet now days just does these things or talks about their family how am i supposed to find someone to hang out with or do things with? Can't remember the last time i met anyone that was athletic or played sports or lifted or anything everyone is the same person now basically. i have no friends.I feel like everything changed in 2012, anyone else aware of this and feel the same way? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2021): Hello. I am of similar age to you. Everything did change, if you actually mean 2021. If 2012 has some big significance for you then we missed that part or it didn’t come through enough in your post. Sorry.Sadly, part of growing up and facing being an adult is learning to let go, deal with the humdrum, adapt to change, and realising that we can probably count on one hand the people that are dear to us.Too much of media and social media in particular put emphasis on projecting a fantastic (fictional) image to somehow ‘prove’ yourself or justify your self worth. Now, it just so happens that I personally believe in God and believe that all people in all their forms are precious, but not everybody thinks that way and some people are downright shallow. It is easy to get caught up in following the trend, hype, or even feel lonely when everyone else is yapping on about something you think is irrelevant.When i say shallow, I’m not talking of too much Netflix or cookery or whatever (have you ever tried a good K-Drama?! Lol) but I’m talking about those people who are judgey and only interested in externals or competing with you rather than giving you a good ear and sharing their time with you in whatever way, written, chatting or in person etc. We find ourselves having to let go of relationships because of things we can’t get past or people that grow apart or some who just work and work so much that they don’t notice you exist!One decent friend is worth his or her weight in gold, let me tell you. Also, family may be a pain in the butt, but if you can manage with including them without being trampled on too much then they are worth it, because you only get one life.Try to use this time, however weird it is, to focus on yourself, read some good books and to be thankful for what you do have, plus what you don’t have to worry about. It’s not solely what we are blessed with in life, it’s also what we are saved from, whether its the illness that our neighbour has, or the eviction our cousin is facing, unemployment, an unhealthy or harmful relationship. We all have our individual blessings and pains. Yes, and a bad relationship is often worse than no relationship at all. Forget the faux hype surrounding sex too; if its not special then its not worth giving away such a gift, so don’t let anyone give you a hard time for not having a romantic relationship, like some will or could try to do!To me it does feel like since the Pandemic we have gone in to a weird alternative reality or something, but I daren’t say anymore without opening a can of worms..My only other suggestions would be to 1: not pressure yourself, and 2: when you are able, go for coffee or a drink on your own or join a club or create some sort of routine for yourself where you don’t need other people but you are getting out.Get a pet perhaps, even if it’s a hamster: something to care for other than you just being alone. Whatever you do, if you are relaxed and feeling OK within yourself you will naturally meet people. It may not seem like that now, but sometimes we cannot push these things. The last thing you want is to attract people that are not good for you and who end up draining you rather than building you up. I just want to add quickly here that if you are wise you will not try to fill the void with online meeting, dating apps etc, which are far from real, because online people very rarely are honest, and more than often are looking for a quick hook up or someone to stroke their ego. However, I’m sure you know this.In time you will find friends in the ‘real world’ and they will be worth the wait, but I certainly do appreciate that it can feel like a very lonely and isolating time. Don’t give up hope. There are a lot like you, no doubt, who want more to life than their flower arranging and tv series habits etc, in fact I have quite an isolated life myself right now compared to a few years back, but life goes in and out, like the tide, and it won’t be like this forever. Take heart. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2021): Things are changing, I found friendships riding motorcycles.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2021): OP you are not alone. I’m sorry that the others do not understand your situation but I will be brutally honest and lower your hopes. Yes there are billions of people out there but nobody cares. I used to think they do as you get older you realise it’s not true. I’m 30 and it gets worse. Everyone is self centrered and if they are not , its because they have no choice.
You will have to live by yourself and find enjoyment. I’m doing the same, it’s sucks. I hate it, but it is what it is. I always thought there is light end of the tunnel, but this is not true either. Sorry to be depressing but I will tell you what others don’t. Unless your blessed with magical life, if your feeling this way now, it will only get worse unless you lower expectations.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2021): I am disregarding the year mentioned in the question. There's so much you can do in life other than use internet simply to watch movies/series while you munch food. Its up to you to find people who possess that level of awareness.
As a single woman in her thirties, I spent a large part of 2020 living in complete isolation. I spent the time by taking vocal lessons, improving my culinary skills and attending public speaking workshops. I got my reading habit back- I read a whole lot of books in 2020/2021. I wrote some really fine poetry. I also love painting and sketching. There's so much you can do in life. I don't have too many friends, but one of my close friends is a book reviewer/writer. Another close friend is a violinist. My BF is a percussionist, biker, basket ball player/swimmer. All of us are avid readers too. I get turned off by couch potatoes and people who do nothing in life other than lifting weights at gym. i am not judging you here- simply showing you how people can have different tastes. I am very particular about mixing with people who love fine arts and literature. Find the right people to socialize with. I hope you aren't presuming that everyone who isn't lifting weights, or sweating it out at the gym is necessary sitting in front of a laptop, snacking away recklessly. A lot of people who dont' know me have this presumption about me because I dont exactly have a sculpted exterior. Make sure your don't judge people only because they are absent from the gym or are not attracted to sports. I am sure as a fitness freak, you might understand that working out and playing a sport are all dependant on individual interests/priorities, body type and metabolism. Also there is nothing wrong being a movie buff or a foodie. It all lies in point of view. Having assumptions about people might prevent you from meeting people who are interesting yet view ideas different from your own. Explore more. Join online clubs / virtual events/meetups to meet up more folks.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (25 April 2021):
 Relationships - including friendships - often have a finite lifespan and eventually run their course. Few last from cradle to grave, as it were. People drift apart because they no longer share common interests and grow apart. I can totally relate to this as I have cut off contact with a number of friends over the years once I realised we no longer had anything in common. Once meeting up became a chore or felt like a duty, rather than being something I did willingly and with pleasure, it was time to call it a day.
You need to work on making new friends with whom you share common interests or, at the very least, who have interests to which you can relate. (For what it's worth, I too find people whose lives revolve around tv and food tedious.)
Besides keeping fit, what are your interests? Have you considered taking up new hobbies which interest you, where you can meet like minded people who could become new friends?
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (25 April 2021):
 Whats the significance of the year 2012 then?.
The thing about life is everything is always changing, evolving, its called impermanence. People come in to our lives, some are there for ever, some come and go, and some come into our lives, make a lasting impression then we never see them again.
All life is a learning curve, and life is what ever we want it to be.
You sound like you have a keen interest in health and fitness. I'm not sure of the restrictions on gyms where you are, but here they have just re-opened again. I'm sure you can make new friends here, and friends that share a common interest as you.
Maybe work on yourself some more during these times in more of a spiritual way with maybe some yoga and some meditation. I think being happy, loving yourself, and feeling great in your own skin is so important. Do this and you find as you go through life people just seem to gravitate towards your happy positive energy you are emanating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2021): Typo correction:
"Were your ever in an athletic group that was really into it?"
So, what happened to them?
"If you want friends, you'll find them; or you'll persuade those you have to get-up off their flabby butts; and get out into some fresh air, or break a sweat now and then."
If you go to the gym, there are lifters there. If you go to a ball court, there are usually guys already there playing. If you ask the right buddy at the right time; he'll take you up on your invitation. We're just coming out of covid lockdown and hibernation from winter, give people a break!
Otherwise, you may not have friends for more personal reasons. That's where introspection and self-improvement comes into play. It might not be for the reasons you gave, but there may be something about you they're avoiding. Most people I see in the gym are concentrating on their form and reps, not so much on socializing. Do you want to socialize, or join a sports team? There's a difference.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2021): I assume you meant 2021! There are times in the cycle of life that things in your usual routines don't seem to synchronize, there is no harmony of life; or your friends seem totally out of touch with reality. That's the time to introspect, when you meditate, and seek intellectual and spiritual-enlightenment. There is more to life than what you can do with your body. You also have a mind and a spirit. Covid has placed restrictions on normal life as we've known it; so everyone adapts according to their own needs and survival-techniques. Who are you to judge?
If your friends have succumbed to lethargy and laziness; rather than being a critic, be a motivator!
Come-on dude, not everybody is into sports and going to the gym; and you know good and well that's not everybody's thing. If they were that enthused about it before, why are you the only one who still is? Did you belong to a sports team? A athletic group that was really into it? You mean every single one of them is now a couch potato??? Maybe they've found other things to do for the time being.
Gyms are opened when restrictions are lifted; and then during an upsurge in infections, they have to close. We adapt by using workout apps and getting home exercise equipment. My home gym is the bomb! Once we know our friends are vaccinated, you can invite a few over to workout with you. You don't needa crowd. Take necessary covid precautions when you're indoors.
I would guess they're open to invitation, as long as you're not too reckless about how you follow covid guidelines; or too fanatical about workouts and sports. If you are so into sports, you must have buddies who like basketball or running? Athletic people don't usually quit their normal habits entirely; when they've got all that strength and energy to spare. They'd miss and long for it just like you are. Not everyone is ready to just throw caution to the wind and just say the hell with covid, my friend! Do with your own life as you please, but consider how that effects others while you're at it!
Instead of criticizing your friends, find-out who's up for some workouts, running, cycling, or the gym. They are just trying to survive, my friend. You may not mind exposing yourself, or you might have been fortunate enough to have been vaccinated; but it takes time to work yourself back into normalcy.
Things aren't going to be the same as before; and you have to be innovative and adaptable to change. Stop looking back, and look forward. If you have to make new friends, so be it. This world is overpopulated with over 7.9 billion people. If you want friends, you'll find them; or you'll persuade those you have to get-up off their flabby butts; and get out into to some fresh air, or break a sweat now and then.
Your problem is not unique. It's the sign of times. Get used to it. Make some new friends. You never really had friends that liked absolutely everything you liked. You find people who share those interests to enjoy those particular activities, or just appreciate the company of strangers who are doing what you're doing. If you did, would you be here complaining? Until we have herd immunity throughout the country and the world; this is our reality.
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female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (24 April 2021):
As someone who spends all her time watching Netflix and eating food, I feel attacked by this question lol.
Well I think I am just average and I think talking about Netflix, food, family, etc. is totally normal. Sports and fitness and adventure aren’t for everyone! I think as a society we have certainly become more sedentary and over the years. I do feel like people have become quite lazy,
When I think about all my friends, I think we are all less active now than we were in 2012. But that is a normal part of getting older and settling down. I mean, gosh, you can’t expect everyone to be an athlete that is just not realistic.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2021):
 I think it might depend a bit on WHERE you are looking to make new friends. If you play sports, join a club and you will find people who are ALSO into sports. Same with lifting or anything.
It's not abnormal to talk about your family though, many do that. Good or bad. For many, families are a big part of their lives. But if they can't find other subjects I can see how that becomes boring.
How have YOU grown since 2012? If you take a minute to introspect?
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