A
female
age
41-50,
*oragirl
writes:Hello, It's me again. I feel at my wits end! My husband still has no job. I feel like I am in this marriage by myself! Relationships are supposed to help your life, not make it harder. I feel like being with him makes my life much harder. I get no help, He barely pays attention to me.. takes out his anger on me and kids.I don't need a lot. Just wanna feel appreciated, sexy, needed. I just don't know what to do anymore!:({Moderator note: preview question http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tired-of-being-alone-in-my-marriage.html} Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 If he takes his anger out on you and the children in an abusive way, then it is time to remove him from the house. They will be safer and grow up healthier without an abusive man in the equation. Sorry. '
If he just gets a bit annoyed and stomps off then he's not being abusive but if he is physically or verbally abusive to you and the children then that is not okay.
Get him out of there if he is abusive. If you need some help, here's a website that can get you started.
http://www.thehotline.org
I would make one last ditch effort to get him into the doctor's office to get help if he is depressed but if he refuses then I would choose the children over him. He's a grownup and presumably will be able to survive this. Your children are dependent on you to provide a safe and nurturing environment. If he is abusing them, and you, then he HAS to go.
Sorry. I hope he gets the help he needs.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 October 2013):
 I read your other post and it seems nothing has changed in 3 months, probably because neither of you have made any effort to change things. He's still angry, abusive and jobless and you are over worked, sexually frustrated and daunted at the prospect of being stuck with the frog rather than the prince.
If he is going to change he needs a kick up the aese!! Whatever this mysterious terrible thing is that happened in the past that stops him from working...well, to me, that sounds like a big fat excuse and if it's that big of a problem, he either needs therapy or he needs to accept that he's NEVER going to work again but that YOu will support him.
Your original post is ambiguous...you want a quick fix to make everything better when you got a fricken great elephant in the room!!!
You must have known what this bloke was like before you married him??? or had some clue to his nature of being so verbally abusive??...people dont change over night!!
If you are earning all the money and paying all the bills and doing everything on your own...you may as well be on your own with your kids!!
Sometimes there isn't an answer...some people are just nasty and lazy and messy and manipulative and if you choose to marry them, on your own head be it!
I am pretty sure you are going to say @but I love him'...well ask yourself where that is getting you? and also ask yourself if you think it's enough to save your future with him?
He's a grown man, living off the good intentions of a hard working wife who takes his abuse. If he loved you that much, he'd clean up his act by himself, meet his demons head on and get off his ass and go get some kind of work or hobby or at least be useful around the home!!
Sorry for the hard line. I am not going to tell you it's all just magically going to be OK, because it isn't.
Every REACTION needs an ACTION..and since your last post you haven't acted so nothing has changed!!
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