A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Really need help so lowI can't get over this guy because of how he treated meOk 2 years ago we were working together he helped me through personal problems and we became close friends he was texting up to 100 a day sending poems etc - we never had sex but did kiss a few times he made me feel goodEveryone at work knew he had been with a girl. 5 years but he gave me the impression they were not togetherDoesn't make it right but at the time the kissing happened Anyway about a month after I was falling for him big time and he backed away saying he had problems at home and couldn't express his feelings for me etc this was mental tirture for me and as a result have spent the best part of the year emotional clingy etc which I never was before texting etcHe made me feel worthless he's kept me at a distance only talking by text when he wants I couldn't understand why he changed He then told everyone at work he's split with the girl but until they sell their house are still living togetherI am at such a low ebb he then hid his facebook wall so in the end I deleted him so now I feel like some weird stalker which I never was and he's binned our friendship :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): I'm a day late to respond; but I love you guys too Eyeswideopen! The best of the Holidays and a Happy New Year!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 And a Merry Christmas to you old gay owl! You know we love you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): Hi,The same sort of thing happened to me, although it started as a couple of dates. We lived 100 miles apart but met one night out in the same town. She wrote me emails, endless texts about how I gave her butterflies, I was her perfect man, etc. Then one day she text me saying she 'couldn't have a proper relationship' at the moment but couldn't tell me why. She continued texting everyday. We only met briefly for lunch or dinner a few times over the year, she seemed a little nervy at times, like she wanted to leave quickly. I thought she didn't really like, but she continued texting me about how amazing and lovely I am, etc. Anyway, this dragged on for 18 months. After I repeatedly asked her questions about her behavioir and caught her off guard she eventually admitted things had developed with a 'friend'. She claimed it had only recently happened, but it could of been goimg on the past year for all I know. I feel the same as you, made to look a bit desperate, or even clingy. It's not our fault, it's manipulative, sad people who use other people and can't make their mind up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): I don't expect anyone to agree. I've had my lows, and guys have stepped in and pulled me through those darker days.
(To avert confusion, I am a gay man.)
They gave me comfort and affection. They listened, and they cheered me on as I got back on my feet. If I were needy; perhaps I would have fallen for these guys who seemed to know what I needed at the time.
They slowly pulled away when they saw me coming back. Once they noticed I was getting strong enough to stand on my own wobbly legs; they cut me loose. They weren't there for the duration. Just to see me through the tough times. I find that quite noble and kind.
It's not unusual for the patient to fall for his nurse, or therapist. They were my "therapy-boyfriends." I only realized it, once my emotional rehab was over. I didn't cling; because I was cured.
I've been a "therapy-boyfriend" a few times myself; once I understood the concept, and the main program rule. No sex.
Sometimes, a guy gives you what you needed at the time. He doesn't intend to become your boyfriend; but offers what therapy you may have required during an emotional crisis. He threw you a lifeline,kisses. You were alone. Color that any color you like.
If you can't control your feelings, and you fall so easily. Take some of the blame. Too bad. He didn't choose you. Get over it. You may have been vulnerable; but you're not stupid.
It's time you stood on your on two feet, and stop leaning on guys. Be a strong woman. It's your life, so deal with it.
Sometimes you just need a guy for moral support. Some guys know just how much to give before they pull away.
Just my take. Nobody will see it this way. Just from my own experience.
Delete him from Facebook, and block your feed. Time to run on your own steam.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 December 2013):
 Merry merry Christmas ladies xxx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2013):
 LOL Merry Poopsite!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 December 2013):
Poopsite ha ha Merry Christmas Em!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2013):
It wasn't a friendship you are filling yourself with useless reasons to why you should still HANG AROUND him.
You fancy him, he choose the GF over you. It sucks.
The best thing you CAN do for you, is remove him as much as possible from your life. Instead of pining after a man who wasn't planning to date you or anything serious.
HE didn't make you feel worthless, YOU assumed that is how he saw you. So TRY and stop worrying about what he might or might not think about you, it's IRRELEVANT.
The sooner you let him "go" from your mind, the sooner you can concentrate on meeting a SINGLE guy who won't jerk you around.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 December 2013):
'poopsite' lol, I meant opposite (too much Christmas cheer!!)
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 December 2013):
He's made you dependant on his attention but really all he's giving you is the scraps and you have fallen for it.
I don't know why guys do this (and some women) striking up 'friendships' with members of the poopsite sex when they are already in a relationship with someone else.
Often they pick on the most vulnerable, those who they know will always respond and give them a boost and whilst one sees the 'friendship' as deep and meaningful, the other is just playing.
This guy backed right off when you revealed your feelings and it was pretty much game over for him when he knew he could not or would not be in a proper relationship with you...so he flaked off and naturally you got upset.
It's so hard to get over someone who meant something to you but you have to own your own feelings and know you can control them for the better.
It's a good thing he blocked/hid himself from you...makes it easier to forget him and move on.
Nothing will change if you hang on and cling to him, he's already gone so you need to go too.
It's a new year just around the corner, don't take your sadness foward into 2014, just resolve to accept your sad feelings are temporary...they are a reminder of something lost and now ended and the sadness will end too.
Two years is a long time to carry a torch for someone you were never even officially with...so is all the pain you are having really worth it?
keep your chin up and stay away from his facebook because you are only hurting yourself xxx
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