A
female
age
30-35,
*atine1899
writes:At school there has recently been a kind of friendship break up of 3 of us, when one of my friends got really mardy and blamed us for things we haven't done, and so on. We had a big fallout, especially between my 2 friends and now they don't talk and i don't know if she's talking to me. Basically at the moment I don't really feel as though I have many friends and thats making me feel kind of depressed. The friend I am still friends with has more friends and finds it really easy to talk to people, but i don't find it that easy and i can't get close to other people, i've tried alot. I can hang around with them and talk a little bit, but they don't really talk to me much, and when i do talk they kind of just say afew things, but its obvious they don't want to get closer. I'm just feeling like an outcast and i just don't know what to do? I have known most the people at my school for years, so everyones kind of in their set groups. No one ever seems to make an effort to talk to me, or be my friend like they do other people, and i just don't know what I'm doing wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I am sorry you are feeling this way, but here is something that might help.
Every person in your age group goes through things like this where the people they thought were friends seem to turn on them and get mean.
It is because of the lack of maturity of these kids, and their insecurity in themselves and not knowing how to deal with people or understanding what they need to do in order to be grown up. Kids this age sort of pretend at being adult and they get it all wrong. I mean their kids. This is probably going to be one of the toughest years of your young life, but don't turn all this inside and make it a part of yourself, it's called internalization.
You don't want to do that because this isn't about just you. Kids this age are mean to each other, it has been going on for generations. Just realize that other kids in your school are going through the same things. You say people are in their groups, well I don't believe that every one at your school is in a click. There are going to be some shy kids or kids that are more emotionally grown up that will hang on the periphery of these groups.
Walk up to that kid and introduce yourself and get to know them. In order to have a friend you have to be a friend.
And I think you will find that this will all work itself out. High School has some of this going on, but it gets quite a bit better.
Hang in there, you'll be just fine.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 November 2009):
You're not doing anything wrong. I'm a guy, but from what I've seen of girls your age, friendships are easily fractured because you're all trying to forge your own identities and move forward and mature. Guys can generally be friends with a lot of people, because we don't rely so much on a friendship network like girls do. This is your chance to just be less shy and try to expand your friendship circle. It can be hard if you don't find it easy too speak to people, but you could explain that you're a little shy and would like to get to know people a bit more. Also, you could try talking to your other two friends and explain that you miss them and would like to be friends with them again. Give yourself time, maybe talk to your friend about how you feel, or your parents to make sure you know you're cared for, and try expanding your friendship network. Most of all, relax, because if you come accross as desperate, people will get a little scared. Relax, take it slow, and most of all be happy with yourself. Good luck.
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