A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes I'll try to be brief. Im 39 divorced with two childen in a relatioship with a divorced guy no kids who lives an hour away. Weve been together over 2 years having broke up several months back as he had never said he loved me and didnt fight for me when I questioned our relationship. After a very short break he told me he realsied what I meant to him and that he wanted me back and was sure our relationship would be so much stronger. Over the next few months I really felt he was in love with me and he now tells me i love you every day. We holiday together (both with my kids and as a couple) and see each alternate weekends and odd days but because of his shifts, the distance and a very time consuming hobby of his, being togther more frequently doesnt happen much.After getting very close over the summer he made a comment that made me feel he has backed away slightly and fears that I expect a commitment from him soon ( he phrased this by means of a 'dream' which made it difficult for me to question at the time, but I do feel there was an intended message ie im not ready to live with you.I feel our relatiohsip is perfect for him as it is now and he has no reason to commit, and it suits me too for now- we have lovely times together and its very fresh and exciting etc etc, but I do want in the longer term the togtherness of a true commitment and not knowing if he wll ever want this is a worry. We all know how much more difficult it is to meet someone as we get older. He jokes about living together sometimes, but if I then respond ' well it'd be nice wouldnt it' he changes the subject . Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Ah, yes, the developing relationship. Look, you decide what your timetable is for commitment, in the meantime, as you aren't actually in a committed relationship, do you think that he'd be okay with it if you saw other men? So that you're not wasting your time if he decides he as entangled as he is every going to be?
You don't have to be mean or nasty about this, but if it's not working for you (in the future, I mean) then you are entitled to move on so that you can find the guy who will make it work for you two. Otherwise, you're spinning your wheels with this guy and the Mr. Right guy who might make it work is passing you by because you're in a relationship.
You can be very nice about this, when it comes time to make a change. I personally would be pretty clear with him what I expect from a relationship. It sounds like you already have been, and that's what led to the breakup.
Good luck!
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