A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:what can i do i feel a complete fooli really like a guy at work and thought we were close friends or at least he gave me that impression. he used to call me several times a night and i didnt have much confidence after coming out of a really bad long term relationship so i admit i enjoyed this new attention and it did my confidence good. anyway lately this guy doesnt call hardly and has gone cold on me. when he started the job he was in a bad way and ive literally picked him off the floor and got him through all his tests etc. all ive tried to do is be a good friend aswell as liking him. ive also discovered hes told me many black lies which has hurt me as he said he trusted me and hes also lent money off me several times and never paid me back. i feel so used. i thought he actually valued me. now when i asked in a jokey way why he hardly calls he says theres no need to but he still wants help with his final test at work. am i just a fool ? why did he change or was he always like this ? i really dont know what to do i feel so foolish
View related questions:
at work, confidence, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 If you feel used, it's simply because you have been used, and the sooner you accept it, chalk it up to experience and stop obsessing about it ,the better it will be for you.
he has not "changed ", he has always been a user and did not even particularly hide it -he borrowed many from you SEVERAL times and he never paid you back ONCE. After the first time, that would be proof enough of his unreliability...if you had wanted to read the signs. Some times the signs are right there under our nose and we don't see them because we don't want to see them, and that's what happened to you.
"But he said "... some people would say anything to get what they want, so the best policy is to pay attention to what people do, not what they say.
You have been played. Not a tragedy, it happens. Live and learn.
A
female
reader, johannabanana  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 He used you and deep down you know that exactly what happened here. Don't feel bad he is just your average manipulator. he got everything he wanted from you and has no need for you anymore. Absolutely DO NOT help him with the final. UNless, you want to be someones doormat. I would consider myself a nice person because I always put people before my needs and try to help people, but sometimes you just have to know when to draw the line and say no. Tell him he just used you and he can figure it out on his own. Don't feel bad though what people do to you always happens back at them. One day someone will use him the way he used you.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Tell him you think he should finish his test on his own, ask for your money back and give him a deadline, and then don't allow him to use you again. Don't joke around why haven't you called me? Just be less available and let him make it up to you. If he doesn't then you know he just needed someone to pick him up off the floor.More often than not if a grown man is making you feel sorry for him, he's a user and you are being manipulated. Unless he is just going through an unusual hard time for himself then this is a huge red flag that you may be dealing with a pathological person who is low in conscience, empathy and remorse, someone who doesn't take responsibility for themselves and sees people as "supply".In short you have been getting the attention of a character disordered man.Don't hang your self esteem on the attentions of any man. If you are feeling badly after a long term relationship, then put your focus squarel on you. Develop your own goals and look after yourself, when you are confident and feeling strong about yourself, you won't be vulnerable to such predatory men because they will move on to someone who is more weak and easily conned.You sound like a giving caring person not telling you to change those qualities but to notice when someone is taking advantage of those qualitites. You are especially vulnerable to being taken advantage of because you are such a nice person, so you have to make someone earn your trust before you just go off giving all your time and energy and heart into them...especially men.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (20 July 2010):
Honey, he is a user and someone like that i would tell him to have someone else help him w/ his test and that you have figured him out. don't go there w/ him anymore you are so wasting your time. you sound like you are a good person! but you don't have to let anyone take advantage of you. be strong and tell him to buzz off and he will think better of you because he will see you have respect for yourself and if he doesn't his loss your gaine.Respectfully:
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): It sounds to me like you were completely used. He found someone who was willing to devote time and energy to HIS cause, and now that he doesn't have much of a cause left, he's done with you. He's told you lies, which hurts your feelings. He's probably lied about a lot more than you even know about, too.He's borrowed money from you, but hasn't paid you back.He told you he has no reason to call you anymore.Get the hint. This man is not your friend. You got used. Chalk it up as a loss and move on.
...............................
|
