A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a great relationship with a wonderful guy for the past 14 months.About 8 months ago ( 6 months into the relationship) I was in a club and spotted a guy I knew. I started chatting to him as I am very friendly with everyone when I am drunk. Yes I flirted mildly with him but I was not interested in him romantically. I danced beside him ( mess dancing nothing sexy at all) I was aware that he fancied me and I did find him attractive but like I said I had no interest in him as I have a boyfriend. I did not see the harm in talking and flirting mildy. I know my boyfriend does this when he is out. The guy in question tried to kiss me a few times but I backed away. I told him I had a boyfriend. I was getting more and more unsteady on my feet and was falling into people including him. At one point I was overwhelmed with drunkeness and took a rest. I was feeling light headed and had not the energy to stand properly. The next thing I know this guy starts kissing my neck ( 3 pecks). I was aware that this was happening but I just froze, (completely lost in my head, I felt a really happy drunk feeling) I just dont understand how I did not push this guy off me.What is even stranger I completely forgot about this and the guy in question came over to talk to me later that night and I chatted to him. I liked the attention he was giving me but yet again was not interested. Overcome with guilt the next day I told my boyfriend. He was glad that I told him and did not consider it as cheating. Infact we became closer as a result. I know myself that I would never have kissed this guy nor touched him intimately nor have gone home with him. I may have found him attractive but there was not one part of me that wanted him.My boyfriend has never brought up this incident since however from time to time I still feel guilty about it. Perhaps cos I am more in love with him now than ever and even flirting with another guy now sickens me. I know I can never get that drunk again that I am not in control. How do I get over this guilt? I still feel tarnished by this whole incidentThis is my first relationship
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Im surprised you haven't gotten over this already, as it really isn't something to cling to. You did everything right, and didn't do anything wrong. I understand how you feel though, as I was in a similar situation. My boyfriend didn't count what I did as cheating either, and neither do I for that matter, but it still felt as if I had cheated. Just like you feel. I used to have nightmares where I was cheating. I think one reason for why you are not over this yet is because you are so in love with your boyfriend. You dont want to loose him, you are scared. This is just fear playing out. You are guilty of what could happen in the future, and afraid that one day you might cheat on him? Maybe you are thinking "what if he continued and I didnt push him off?" Or "why did I not react when he kissed my neck?". Dont beat yourself up over this. Just trust in yourself! You stood up for yourself and didnt let this guy go any further, as well as dealing with the situation gracefully. You know you wont cheat. And you know that you will not drink so much that you will loose your senses. Your boyfriend trusts you, and you have to trust yourself. What I did to help me get over it was to ask myself "do I want to go further with any guy/girl? Will I ever?" and then whenever I am out in a club, just ask myself this thing whenever I see someone cute or someone is flirting with me. I never feel like I want to take things any further, I never feel like I dont have control. So I know I can trust myself. We all make mistakes, you feel that you made one, but we learn, and it will not happen again. So you don't have to beat yourself up over it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): You didn't cheat on him. You're not married to him, and 8 months ago, you weren't as close to him as you are now. Not only that, but you admitted it to him, and he's done that too.
Once you get engaged/married, it's a different story, but not 6 months in. Relax and don't be so hard on yourself. :)
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A
female
reader, AnneDee  +, writes (12 April 2010):
This is nothing to worry about. In fact, you said he does it too! We all make choices in life...even if we're drunk. Maybe you were just trying to validate how much you really love you boyfriend. Bottom line...don't worry. You were just having fun.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (12 April 2010):
by the sounds of things you did everything right, you told your boyfriend what happened and he understood.
if you tried to hide this from him then it would have looked a lot worse and more suspicious but you didnt.
it sounds like you have a great boyfriend and you have no secrets between you so there is no reason to feel tarnished.
dont ruin what sounds like a good relationship by lingering on something that you didnt even do or hide.
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A
female
reader, bexyyy +, writes (12 April 2010):
 you didnt do anything! you could have done a lot worse. trust me i know! lesson is slow it down with the drink so u dont get in a worse situation, who knows what could have happened in that state of mind. move on learn your lesson what to drink and what not too. move on or this will destroy your relationship over something so small.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (12 April 2010):
 Sounds like you have nothing to worry about. You already know you shouldn't put yourself in that position again so as long as you stick to that you'll be fine. Otherwise, just continue to show your BF how much you love him and use your experience to learn from it.
If you can honestly say deep down you have no interest in this other guy and that it was all him, then you can hang your head up high knowing you didn't cheat.
Forget about it and move on.
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