A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are both 26 and have been married for half a year. His sister is 10 years older and married with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I'm neutral to kids but my husband absolutely adores them. However neither of us are interested in having kids of our own and plan not to. Anyway hubby and I were planning to spend time together at home this Sunday. His sister asks to drop her kids off to us for babysitting. Which is not a regular thing and the first time she has done so. I told my hubby no because I don't want this to become a habit and I'm not interested in taking care of or paying attention to the kids. He's convincing me to do it because it's a nice thing to do. I said he can babysit but I'm still very against t because I don't want the burden or liability. My weekend is for my own and they can afford a babysitter. My husband loves the kids but doesn't like spending more than 30 Mins with them either. Any suggestions? I don't want to be selfish toward my hubby but I think it's completely fair to say no to his sister. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 March 2017):
 I would love to know what the outcome off this was?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 March 2017):
 Sure its fair to say no. But dont expect a nice family welcome next time you meet them. People, especially family, do each other favours. Besides, if your husband wants to, then let him! You can go do your own thing.
Dont expect to ever get any favours from others if you arent willing to inconvenience yourself a little from time to time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2017): Whilst I totally agree with you about it not becoming a habit, I would keep in mind that these children are your husband's nieces and nephews and as such will be important to him. I also believe that when you marry, you not only marry your husband, but silently agree to giving each other's families some importance in our own lives, out of respect for each other. Also bear in mind that as these children become older, they may increasingly become the object of your affections and people that you may be very happy to have as part of your life. The closer you are to them from the beginning, could greater enrich the start of some very special relationships later on in your life. I think look after them with your husband this weekend, which will give you a lot of brownie points to be able to broach the subject of boundaries concerning this kind of thing in future.
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (16 March 2017):
It seems as if some information is missing in your question.
You say that you and your husband planned to spend time together at home this Sunday - is this something special? have you been apart a lot lately? were you planning a special day? Had you specifically discussed your plans for Sunday and said something like "oh, it's going to be lovely to have you all to myself on Sunday, for a change"? Or do you mean that you didn't have any plans and were just going to be at home doing nothing special? The fact pattern behind your plan affects the situation.
Next, what reason did your husband's sister give for asking if you could babysit? I mean, it's only Wednesday, so she still has another three days to find a babysitter. Did something urgent and important come up, like her mother-in-law has been taken ill and they have to go to the hospital? Or her husband's sister has got engaged and sprung a surprise celebration on them, without inviting her children? I think it rather makes a difference what they have decided to do on Sunday and why they can't take the children. Because if they have a good story which elicits some sympathy, that affects the situation.
Next, what happened when your husband was asked? Did he say: I'd really love to help, but I have no experience with children, I've never looked after yours, and I'm not really sure that I'm the right person on this occasion? What reason did he give for feeling that he should say yes? Maybe his sister has offered to do something in return? Or maybe he owes her for something? Or maybe he felt sorry for her situation?
You say that she can afford a babysitter, but even people who can afford a babysitter sometimes cannot find one that they trust, especially at the last minute. If you and your husband say no, what happens then? Does the sister and her husband have to not go to the event? Or take the children with them? Or do they have other options?
The thing is, in your question you say: "I told my hubby no", "I don't want this to become a habit" "I'm not interested in taking care of or paying attention to the kids". "I said he can babysit" "My weekend is for my own". It might not be what you intended, but these statements all come across as rather selfish, rather than being on the same side as your husband and trying to explore the situation with him as a team.
If, as you say, he really doesn't like being with the kids for more than 30 mins, and he's never babysat before, then it's hard to understand why he's saying yes now, unless there is some compelling reason, and if there is such a reason, then your rigid stance might well be inappropriate.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 How is your relationship with the sister? Im guessing from your post that she requested him and not you personally and he's the one who agreed to it. So there it is. He agreed to babysit so it's his responsibility. You take the Sunday to go out, meet with friends, just do your own thing. And ask your husband not to commit to babysitting plans without checking with you henceforth.
Not everyone likes kids and especially not other people's kids and that's fine, really. You don't have to do something that you don't like and you don't have to be apologetic about it. However, I don't think the sister will make it a habit and I also don't think you'll regret it if you do stay with the kids. It might just be fun!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2017): A difficult situation, this. While the kind of last minute nature of them asking gives you the right to decline, afterall you have plans, it sounds as though you would never like to babysit the children.It's your choice to not want to do that, but it is also your husbands choice to want to babysit. You need to discuss this difference before it becomes a problem.It doesn't seem that your husband's sister would immediatly try to make it into a habit, and if that's your main concern then you can discuss with your husband what would be too much.If you're really not interested, maybe your husband can go to their house to babysit from time to time, but I do suggest you give it a go a couple of times. Depending on how the kids are, it's not as terrible as you might think!But as for the weekend- I would say it's ok to say no this time, as it's last minute, but it's clear your husband will want to babysit in the future.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 March 2017):
 I say YOU make plans for that day (at least something that takes a few hour) and LEAVE the kids to him. After all, HE agreed to watch HIS sister's kids - so he CAN watch them.
My husband has done this QUITE a lot with our nieces' kids. One thing is that it's an emergency OK I'll help out, but when it's a:" I want to go shopping without my kid(s) can you watch them"? Then no. I have 3 kids that I have for first 13 years more or less taken care of by myself due to my husband's job. I have MAYBE had a babysitter 5 times in those 13 years. Twice were when I went into labor with #2 and had surgery later on. I have NEVER shied away from taking responsibility for HAVING 3 kids. My choice to have them, my responsibility to RAISE them, not pawn them off on everyone else.
NOW, I DO watch 2 of the 4 kids on occasion, I had one of them 42 hours one week due to the Mom's traveling out of state even though her 2-year-old (whom I watch when she works) was sick. Who does that? Who is OK with leaving a SICK 2-year-old so you can skedaddle off to visit your mom? Instead of postponing it?
And I do watch another one here and there so her Mom and mom's BF can go have a nice dinner without a kid.
But if I'm not feeling it, If I don't WANT to babysit I say no. (unless it's an emergency)
Some days I just don't WANT to and I feel that is totally OK.
So if you are not up for it, I say go shopping or have coffee with a friend and LET your husband DO the work he volunteered for.
JUST because you are a woman doesn't mean other people's kids are YOUR responsibility.
And yes, It's OK to say no when you don't want to.
One thing, though, I usually end up enjoying my time with the little ones so while I'm a little "eh don't want to" I usually don't regret saying yes.
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