A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Good Day,I am 20yrs old and I have been with my boyfriend for just about a year now, our relationship was so healthy for about the first 10mths, now recently the sex life and affection, etc. has just seemed to fade.In the beginning when he started dating me he always used to fear about me wanting to go out and explore once I had become independant, because he had told me his past the stage of going out, and I have only just hit the real world and I will want to explore. Thats when I said to him if I had really worried I would'nt have been where I am today, with him, correct? Thats not all, recently we haven't being seeing as much of one another as before due to the fact that we have just been fighting, so I decided to stay back at home to give him his time and space and also so I can have mine, not as if I need it though, to go out. I am a young girl who loves fun but does'nt expect to spend unnecessary money on drugs, alcohol and all that at clubs, I'll rather drink and have fun at home with the true people. The other night I was meant to stay over at his place, then I called him to confirm this, so he said no maybe I should just stay home, so I said ok, but why? So he said that he just had a few things about us to think about. The next day was my birthday, we were having a rough patch in our relationship as it is.... He sent me a message to my phone wishing me. Then his flat mate called and wished me and had asked how my day had been so far, so then he also asked if I had heard from my boyfriend, so I said yes. He said that he was surprised my boyfriend even woke up because he only got home after late that morning, so I was like "really?" So that night that he had asked me to stay home to think. He went out to the town and had a ball with his buds.Lately I've also been hearing from my ex-boyfriends that I left and hurt, where my actual boyfriend and I constantly fight and argue. My ex's and I are all good buds, but my boyfriend is jealous too, so not only is there no communication in our relationship, but I am too lonely with no friends...What do I do?
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 I think he is being a tad unfair to you. I also think that this realationship is suffering. Im not sure if there is much to salvage. If he wanted to be with you he would. There seem to be some difficulties surrounding going out. You are quite entitled to stay at home and drink there but he is also entitled to go out with his friends and drink if he wants to. Maybe he is feeling a bit trapped and feels he has to lie to you to go out with his buds. Its very hard to face but I think he is trying to tell you something. I think that you should concentrate on making some new friends and maybe give each other some space.
Take care,
Aunty t.
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