A
female
age
41-50,
*serid
writes:To whom it may concern,I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. I lived in another state for a while but eventually ended up moving in with him because the distance was becoming too much for us. Originally, when I lived elsewhere, we were all over one another-like rabbits…When I first moved to his place across the country, it was a semi traumatic experience...lol...not that I didn't want to be here...but my grandfather is dying, my Dad is sick... I was leaving all I knew...and I was moving 3000 miles away to a place where I knew no one...So when I first moved here...my sex drive was not all there...because I had so much stuff to worry about...it just wasn't first priority...but it lasted for about 2 weeks, maybe two and a half...and then things started to come back around...well...Now things are the other way around...and he doesn’t seem to want it…and my boyfriend seems to think his hormones are all messed up...he's into all of that weight lifting and holistic therapy...and he really believes his testosterone levels are low...which is very possible...because of his stress with the company. But he really lacks desire... his body just doesn't react...lol...we have not had sex...in WELL OVER a month...in fact, I am more inclined to say two months...ok...now I understand stress will do that...but I am starting to get worried...No matter what someone says...after a while you tend to feel unattractive.The sex right before this started to get to the point where he would finish fast because our sex life diminished a lot and we didn't have sex often...so when we did...he would finish early...which is fine...but then he wouldn't finish me at all...he'd be done and that was that… and ...he'd feel soooo bad and apologize for finishing early...and he really was sincere...but he was so concerned about that...that he forgot about me...lol...he would get so embarrassed about that, that he would totally forget that I didn't get anything out of it...I tried to tell him that there are more things that we can do besides sex...to help each other out...and he agreed... but still nothing.I finally sat down with him because it has been a while...and he is embarrassed...and said he wanted to go to a doctor...but he doesn't even try...I could see if he tried and it didn't work...then, ok…go to a doctor…but he doesn't even try to make love...Do I think he is cheating? No...I do not believe he is...I do not know what the deal is but honestly...I eve tried to sizzle things up on V-day...aI made a romantic dinner…with rose pedals…and even sprinkled pedals on the bed…and lit candles in our room…and we didn't do anything...on top of that our schedules are insanely opposite...I have asked him if he still loves me...if he is still attracted to me...he says yes...but doesn't even look at me like that anymore- or it does not seem that way anyway...You know how you can feel the passion in their kiss? I do not feel it anymore...from him or me. I want to create the passion again...we don't even go out anymore...and I know part of that is my fault with school...but the only time we do go out is to eat which is a necessity. When I mention doing something he complains it is too late. I am by no means pointing the finger...I just...I even lay in bed and concentrate on sex and try to attract mentally imagine it (if you can see it you can achieve it sort of thing) but it is like he does not even think of it...and now his stomach is upset...and he goes to bed earlier than I...so now he is too sick...and next week he will be too tired- and the following week it will be the level of hormones...I could see it being valid if he went to the doctor for it...and tried to fix it...but...nope...just riding it's course...Last night I spoke to him about it and he said he bought supplements to boost his testosterone...but he said if this does not work he would go to the doc. I am not sure why he wouldn't just go to the doctor in the first place.Last night when I spoke to him, I told him that he is never affectionate anymore...I said I do not feel like you're attracted to me...well today he started saying I love you more...and then at the end of the night said "Am I doing a good job? I am really trying..."And although I appreciate his attempts...it kind of hurt me when he said that...almost like he has to try so hard to be affectionate...it takes a little of the romance out of it when you recite every piece of affection to your partner, ya' know? and that is how I felt.Any Advice- I am so sorry it is longer than I expected...but it is complicated.
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I love you, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): its ok hun im going through the same thing with my man and we are trying to fix it he thinks the only solution is to brake it off i think different...maybe some sex therapy..or couples counciling.
A
female
reader, endless_tamara  +, writes (8 March 2007):
hon, you might really want to consider going to couples counselling for this one, you both obviously are having trouble adjusting to these new circumstances and could probably benefit from an objective professionals opinion....good luck...
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A
female
reader, Bella55  +, writes (8 March 2007):
Honey, men are from mars and women are from venus. Most boyfriends are romantic in the beginning, and after the honeymoon stage, your relationships change. They go into a different level, a deeper, more solid level. Thats when you have to start working at the relationship. Problems arise that you never thought youde have. It can take a woman longer to get over the honeymoon stage, because this is what we like, its in our emotional nature.
Guys are made completley different, they also have a different way of showing the love and affection.
As for your sex life, looks like hes weight lifting and hes testosterone tablets are interfering. I dont think he wants to go to the doctor, because thats the news hes going to get.
If I were you, I would remind him just how much you love his body, and that he shouldnt get too big. If you can get him to stop taking so much of those things, and stop spending so much time with his muscles, your sex life will come straight back.
Some men take out their frustrations on exercise, sport and body building. Change that, let him take the frustation out on you, while making love!!
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