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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Help me, I'm such an insecure idiot...I hate my looks. I just feel very insecure. Especially with my boyfriend. Yes, he thinks I'm pretty and have a nice body. But there's this factor:a) I asked. He likes toned bodies and bigger breasts. Toning can be done. Boobs, nay. Mine have already stopped growing, and even before I met him I wanted bigger ones. I'll never haver surgery so I'll just have to learn to deal with it.There are other factors as well...b) I was teased through high school. Yes, that typical girl who was made fun of, who had prettier friends with boyfriends. I was called names. I did stand up for myself, I wasn't shy or anything, I was quite outgoing and I tried hard to appear confident. I was confident about my intelligence and talents anyway, about my wit, those were things I was proud of but never got me anywhere when it came to dating.c) Society is so looks obsessed it's hard not to feel inadequate. As much as I know and value my personality, talents, etc. and I know these are more important than looks, if society emphasizes looks so much, it's hard to ignore them.Ok, so back to my boobs. I read up on the Internet that guys like boobs of all sizes. Great. I was feeling better already! Until I read that guys see women from two perspectives: sex and long lasting relationships. It said when it comes to relationships, size doesn't matter, because it's true love. But when it comes to sex, big is generally better.But I want both things! I want to be loved AND be looked at with lust. It's so unfair... I know love is important and that it doesn't change easily, but sex is also important, and I think everyone wants to feel loved and desired.I'll never have big boobs. I refuse to get implants. And, while I'm with this man (we have talked about marriage and all), what matters is his preference, not some other men's. He's said my boobs are ok and he likes them, but he's also said that it's true he prefers bigger breasts. What can I do? I already know he loves me and that it's the inside that counts, but this kinda brings back old highscool memories/feelings... I envy big breasted women so much!... and I feel like such an idiot for caring so much about this! I wish I didn't! :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, babewithbrains  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 :)Don't fret! Small boobs are really cute. Big boobs can get you all sorts of unwanted attention... I'm 12 and I have 34 C boobs but one of my bessies doesn't even wear crop tops. Curvy figures are good, but being thin and healthy is soo much better in the end. Just remeber , you are beautiful and if you boyfriend loves you, it'll be because you are a lovely, sweet, charming girl who cares for him. Not because you'll never win prises at the church fate... ;)See you around,Jellyxxx
A
female
reader, wiz8mom  +, writes (30 November 2008):
There is always the issue of men and their love of boobs, but men who PREFER big boobs are the problem. At least, a problem for us small chested women.It is my personal opinion that all single women with small breasts should, on the first date, get the skinny on the prospective man's preference in boob size. If he says he prefers large breasts, then enjoy the dinner and the show and call it good. If he says all breasts are wonderful, proceed to date #2 to find out more about this man. If he says who cares about the breast size, it's the woman that matters, then snag him fast. That being said, on to the self-esteem. I have typed this answer on so many forums I should have it saved so I can cut and paste.Self esteem (the anti-insecurity) needs to come from the inside before it can be seen on the outside. You can't rely on the opinions of other people to make yourself feel good, so don't even bother listening to it or watching that crap on tv. Forget the past and get moving forward, focus on your strengths. Get outside, hike, bake cookies, work out. Take a class on something new that you might be interested in. Sign language, painting, guitar, whatever. Take martial arts or kickboxing classes, strength train to tone up your muscles and feel good about yourself, and to keep your body strong and healthy. Volunteer your time for organizations or people in need. There are people in worse situations than you, and they don't care what you look like when you're lending a hand. Volunteer at the local pet shelter, plant trees, whatever, even a couple hours a week. And you know what? While you're being the best YOU you can be, enjoying your life and being happy, there are guys out there doing the same thing. And you'll probably bump in to one of them one day and he'll think, "Wow, what an amazing woman!"Smiling, laughing, confident women are attractive. There really are men out there that would "prefer" smaller breasts, especially when the breasts are attached to the woman they love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): You shouldn't hate your looks, Me personally I like small breasts I find them sexy. I'm more turned on sexually by women with a smaller bust. For me that study wouldn't apply, long term and for sex I want a girl with a smaller bust, smaller breasts are cute and it's alot easier to hold my woman closer. Plus Foreplay is far better then a girl with a larger bust. (Now, love comes along I'd not turn it away by looks or body type)
Don't listen to studies... they really only apply to the people who partisipated in it. Not all people feel that way or the percentage worldwide, just the percentage of the men they questioned.
You're a beautiful woman, your bust is perfect the way it is. You shouldn't have to, or even feel like you need to change yourself to feel good. Your boyfriend cares about you, I'm sure he loves your body just how it is =^_^=
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Honey, please don't feel insecure about your boobs or your looks. I know its easy for me to say, but really you have to fnd your way out of that funk. You will never be happy unless you are happy with yourself, and personally I dont like big boobs and I know I'm not alone. Love yourself, please.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): If you aren't enough as you are... you'll NEVER be enough with whatever enhancements you get.
Until you can learn to appreciate what you have, how can you possibly appreciate what a surgeon can give you?
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): I figured you could use a response from a guy who is heterosexual, (no offence jack) men only liking big boobs is just a stereotype, in fact there are even guys who don’t like big breasts. And I would also like to congratulate you on not wanting implants, because unless you are a stripper any set of real ones is better than any set of fake ones.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): Hi, I know how you feel, sound just like me 10 or 8 years ago, and I went through all of what you write. Don't let things put you down, a woman can be sexy regardless of her cup size, it's all on her mind, not her bra.
About your boyfriend liking women with big boobs, good for him. We all have stereoptypes of what we think we like or tend to like in our heads and in real life we do like other things. You might like men with abs from a magazine and that doesn't mean you go through life looking for a guy with abs, it's the same.
About your talents and intelligence, they might seem like not worth much at your age, in fact, those things tend to scare young men away. However, when you grow older those are the things that really matter to find a couple, not just a date.
Women with large boobs tend to be very succesful with men, specially when they are young, because they seem older and boobs are the novelty for boys, and must of the time they just want to sleep with them. As they grow older gravity takes action and their boobs fall down and small breasted women get much more male attention and tend to look younger. So let's put it this way bigbreasted girls enjoy it from 12-30 and small breated from 24 (when they get rid of their complexes) to 65 or more.
I know you want to be lusted at, you will, believe me and much more than you think. The need you need to exercise more than your body is your mind, feel sexy.
Don't degrade or lower yourself to do so, because despite it is the easy way to do it, you'll end up regreting it (I know). Plus men that are after something more than a pair of bubs are the ones woth keeping.
Relax, you'll eventually feel this way, and the sooner you do, you'll save yourself a lot of suffering.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 Well you could try gaining like 25 pounds. That'll increase the size of your boobs. Unfortunately, everything else will be larger too. And yes, some men do like women with "a little meat on their bones" but I didn't. Acceptance comes with age. Change the things you can change, and accept the things you can't. And just know that your b/f probably obsesses about the size of his penis so that evens the score. Love the body you're in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Hi, chicky.. u SO DON'T NEED TO BUY A WONDERBRA!! THATS RUBBISH! And why don't u mention to your boyfriend, that u prefer men with abs.. and nice arms.. and a tan.. LOL. I understand all of what you said..as I am small chested.. but you no wat?? Guys love them, and so do I! I am now in my 30s.. i dont have to exercise much at all to get toned!! I am also blonde, with fab legs.. flat tummy.. and everyone is soooo jelly!! I can take ma pick of guys.. and if a guy eva says anything bout clevage i just say.. honey heas the door!! Being young and comparing yourself with those woman is ridiculous.. chances are u get big boobs, you would find anotha thing wrong.. and the list gets bigger! There is anotha thing i would like to say.. generally their are 3 types of men.. boob men, arse men.. or the anything I can get man.. LOL take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): I asked this... and good answers girls, but I want to be his angel and his whore, I don't want to feel like I'm little goodie two shoes to him and that he has sex with me just because I'm his girlfriend and he can't get on with a bustier girl.
I personally think that big breasts look good, at least they'd suit my frame better, considering I have huge hips and a tiny waist... and I'm tall... I look weird.
I, for that reason, don't believe in Wonderbras. False advertising and all that.
Guess I'll have to find a way to not care anymore. I won't leave him just because of this because everything else is just so great and he wouldn't leave me over this either. I just hate the idea that he lusts more over girls with more ample chests.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Dear,stop beating yourself about it.If every woman or for that matter man likes how he looks -cosmetic surgeons would have gone out of business long back.Instead they are doing a booming trade.so proves that no one is really secure.If your boyfriend thinks you look nice score one for you.From score one you go on to build your confidence up.Lets say he meets a girl with bigger breasts and she has the brains the size of a pea.Do you think she would be able to keep up his interest?Whereas you with all your accomplishments seem very interesting.My husband is so handsome and am not bad looking either.But he is just drop dead gorgeous.He still prefers to be with me.not just for my looks but for the person I am.am not saying start looking like a hag after a few years.Keep yourself young at heart.A confident woman is a beautiful woman.Hope you feel better dear!
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A
male
reader, Jack_McVeigh  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 ok honey! the first thing about being in a relationship is that you MUST NOT feel insecure! Ok? i mean yeah i am gay and when i first started dating my boyfriend i was so worried and fussy about what i looked like, how i acted and everything he said, i took completely out of context!! Do not worry! if this guy likes you enough to be your boyfriend, then he likes you for you and not what you look like. I mean if he says you're pretty- babes don't argue with that!! I mean honey come on! You have got to have more self confidence! I mean yeah i may only be a gay guy from Belfast? But honey i know that if he says that he loves the way you look? I promise you he means it! Don't keep bringing yourself down all the time! I am sure you are BEAUtiful the way you are. Don't worry yourself! xxx Jack P McVeigh
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A
female
reader, cutebutnot29 +, writes (7 October 2008):
 hi i know how you feel i used to be the same way but then i found someone who loved me exactly the way i am and that built my confidence up. You need to put the past behind you and move on from that and if your boyfriend truely loves you then he wont want to change and you shouldnt change just because of socitey.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 October 2008):
I can't fix your self confidence. That's something you have to work on.
As for the seeing women for lust / love. I think you misunderstood. When they say men look at a women and judge her as one or the other they mean she either gets to be an angel or a whore.
You can fall in love with an angel and lust after her body at the same time. But you can't love a whore. Big boobed women get to be seen as blow up dolls. You really don't want to be looked at like that.
One other thing ---- WONDERBRA!!
The fact you don't want to get chopped up by a surgeon is brilliant, well done for not being shallow and taking risks for no reason.
But I bet you can get a decent bra that will make you look much bigger in the boob area.
Head down to a big department store and get measured and fitted properly and treat yourself to an expensive busty number that puts your boobs under your chin and makes them look twice what they are.
Plus, in 10 years time when big chested girls are having to use industrial cables to hold their boobs up, yours will still be pert and lovely. Ask your boyfriend what he prefers then!
Good Luck!! xx
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