A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heya,I've been with this guy for awhile. He's my first everything. He's a few years older than me, and has more experience. He's my first relationship and love, while I'm not his.And this makes me feel insecure, does anyone have any experience with the same thing? Anyone got any advice?:) thanks. XoXo
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): Sorry you feel this way but nothing can be done. There is only one way to fix this, and that is to never get into it. Maybe eventually it will become accepted to hold out for a virgin partner again. But its not accepted right now because everyone thinks they are too "open minded" and "tolerant" for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): Oh yes. My boyfriend is 20, while I'm 17. He has loved three girls before me, and had sex with many girls. He used to sleep around in his first couple years of high school. (Luckily, he's still clean, so that's good.)We've been dating for a year and seven months, and in the beginning of our relationship when I was falling for him, I felt so insecure. I couldn't help but think how, if he falls in love with me, I wouldn't be the first girl and how if we had sex, I wouldn't be his first, though he'd be my first love and my first sexual partner. (I did have a couple of relationships before him, including another one that lasted over a year, but I didn't love the guy.)Well, I did end up falling in love with him and he did end up being my first (sexually). But as our relationship has gone on, the less it has mattered to me. Even though he has had sex before me and has loved before me...well, it was before he knew me! He makes me feel like I'm the only person he's ever loved and like I'm the only person he's had sex with, so it just makes most of my insecurities fade. And that's all that matters.
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Hi, I am in exactly the same situation - 17 with a 21 year old who had a girlfriend for 2 years during college, before he went to university (I met him in his second year). I had never had a proper relationship before I met him. Like you this did make me feel pretty insecure for a while - wondering whether she was prettier than me, funnier than me, knew him better than I do, worried me if he went to see his college friends and she was there.. In the end he told me he could tell something was bothering me and I told him that I knew he couldnt change his past, and given that he was 20 when we started his relationship I could never have expected to be his first everything (like he was mine), but it still did get to me sometimes that he had had a significant relationship before me. We talked for about an hour about it.. and by the end of the conversation I really did (and still do) feel so much more secure about it all. Don't keep this bottled up - if he doesnt know that you're feeling bad about it already, it is worth just gently mentioning it :) and remember, its that he's with you now that counts, so obviously its you he wants! Good luck :) xx
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A
female
reader, kaicora +, writes (14 November 2009):
Well, everyone has to have a "first" (or else they have no one) and a "first" is, by it's nature, singular - you will only have one. Once we have that one we can't change it, no matter how hard we might try.
Your boyfriend can't do anything about his past. You must appreciate that you are his _chosen_ love for today. Delight in the fact that he wants you. Consider what the days yet to come hold for you two, after-all, his "first" is stuck in the past and will never have a chance at his future.
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