A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 36 and been married for more than 2 years. I feel I married the wrong person. From marriage day she just started being rude to me. As if she thinks she has finally trapped me and therefore can do whatever she likes. She wants to live lavishly and keep up with the joneses at my expense now that I pay the bills. She is working but strongly believe a woman should not contribute to running a home, it is all a man's responsibility. I can ignore this but she is also intentionally wasteful, as if she wants to make me bankrupt. Anything I say I don't like, that is exactly what she would do. As if she is looking for new ways to annoy me. We have a little daughter and that is the reason I am still with her. My parents are sad but as christians keep asking me to endure and strive for peace. But she does not want peace and I feel like I am drowning. I feel distracted by this situation at home and feel I can be more productive and live longer if I were out of this relationship. Please advise.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 First off, open a separate bank account and start putting some of your paycheck in it every pay day. She can't spend what she doesn't have. If AFTER you and she have a nice long chat about finances and each person's responsibilities around the home and you two can't come to an agreement then I think you will need to separate. Perhaps that will clear both of your heads and you will then know exactly what you need to do to on a permanent basis.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): A marriage is not a life sentence, you should not have to endure misery forever. If the marriage is beyond saving then you should leave. It is best for all concerned. A child brought up with unhappy parents is not in a stable home. After discussing the way things appear to be with your wife, if all fails, call it a day.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Being married for the sake of the child is motivation enough to try to work it out. contrary to what folks try to say that ,"Oh kids can take it, they're tough!" It is not true. Children from a "broken" marraige never get over it. For the kid's sake, get over yourself and go get help for the marraige!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): I understand your parents point of view, having said that a lifetime of unhappy marriage doesn't do anyone any good. I must admit you two sound very unsuited. Do you think you two can find some middle ground? At least try to sort things out, before you give up.
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A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Its not a marriage at all is it? Its more like some kind of punishment.Dont kid yourself about your daughter - she will be feeling the bad vibes and experiencing the misery in your marriage in her own sweet way - its not fair on her. Saying you will stay for her sake is actually saying youre going to show her exactly how a marriage shouldnt work. Do you want her growing up thinking your marriage is functional? Do you want her to see her father miserable for years on end?The right thing to to, if youre absolutely sure things wont change and youre absolutely sure the marriage cant be saved is to walk away and be a proper father to your little girl from a distance.Ive obviously not met your wife so I only have your word to go on but from what you say? The woman doesnt deserve you and really does need to wake up and start pulling her weight rather than expecting you to do it all.For your own sanity and your daughters happiness, dont let this go on for too long.
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