A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:This time last year my ex partner and i split up.we had lived together almost 6 years but before i met him i owned my own terrace house, no mortgage - silly me sold it and put the money into the joint house. He met someone else and systematically bullied me into leaving. I put up with it for around 4 months, in which time i lost 3 stone in weight and felt i was losing my mind.At bed time he would come into the spare room where i was sleeping and force himself on me. I used to cry and say to him it was rape and did his new g/f know what he was doing??I went for advice from a solicitor and a victim support group, they have everything in writing about how he was. I ended up leaving, with a deposit to put on another house - but I now have to work until I am 70 yrs to pay it off.I know i can't get anything else moneywise from him but every now and again i send him a text asking for the money he promised me (which i know i will never get).He did verbally promise it. He is now saying i will get into trouble by texting him and asking for what he promised me. His parents have had a dig at me and they did support me in the past, but now i know they are getting angry with me. I just can't let it go. I feel angry, hurt, scared.I have also tried dating and that has made things worst as i have been badly rejected by men I liked and hoped liked me. I feel I am going mad and am scared i will get into trouble with the law for texting.I have never broken the law but he did.
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bullied, money, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, saltwater +, writes (21 August 2008):
 Hi, only just seen your reply.
He doesn't have any right to do what he has done.
Glad you went to the rape councellor. They're obviously more qualified than me so I think any advice they give about pressing charges is something you should think seriously about....as well as your wish to move on.
But it doesn't matter if he is a high earner, that doesn't make him exempt from justice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): hello i am the poster of this question
i have spoken to a rape councellor who says i could press charges.
i need to think about what's best for me to move on
i would like him to pay for what he did and put me through - but he is a big earner and would no doubt get the biggest and best solicitor as that's what he does (gets the biggest and best of everything)
part of me thinks, he will get his payback some other way, but part of me thinks, what right does he have to do what he did
i am very angry. i hate him so much and want to block him from my memory.
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (4 August 2008):
Again, I can only go on what you have written; but sex, when you have asked someone to stop -- so non-consensual -- is rape. It doesn't matter if it is violent or abusive; or whether someone is crying and helpless...it is still rape.
Does your solicitor know this was happening? If your solicitor doesn't know this, I suggest you tell him about it. I would also strongly urge you to report him to the police -- to get it on record at least. You should aslo consult with your solicitor any legal benefit you could gain by doing so.
You should break off contact with this man, but if those, and any future texts you receive, are in any way threatening or abusive you should keep them and show them to your solicitor. What exactly does the solicitor say to you?
I re-iterate that what I have written is in response to what you have said has happened. It sounds like rape -- and you should report him to the police if you have not yet done so. Sexual abuse cannot be something someone can be allowed to get away with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): I am the poster of this question
He would get into bed and have sex
I would cry and ask him to stop - he is alot heavier and weight trains
When he wanted me out of our home, he would text me constantly to see when i Was going to my mothers. that he wanted me out. I used to hate getting those text.
i got legal advice and my solicitor has a record of what was happening and so does a place called SAFE.
I could have got out an injuntion, but I Wouldnt have got any money from him as he had taken all the equity from the house and was getting a loan to buy me out of the property (i couldnt afford to keep that house)
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (4 August 2008):
Did you not think about reporting him to the police for forcing himself on you?
Now I am just going on what you have written, but him "forcing" himself on you is classed as sexual assualt, and if it is in any way penetrative then it is clearly defined as rape. I am unsure as to the actual workings of the law, and you don't elabourate on the forcing i.e how severe or whether penetration took place, but I would consider reporting him to the police.
It also sounds like he is bullying you psychologically. The threat of you getting into trouble for sending a text is clearly a way for him to get you to stop texting him. However, a verbal agreement, without some form of lawyer or solicitor present, is as good as useless. But if he has sent you any texts that claim you could get into trouble I would save them and not delete them.
If his parents are involved then you need to be careful; 3 of them and one of you can make you very vulnerable.
However, from what you have written, it sounds like he has broken the law (forcing himself on you) and is psychologically bullying you; and if I was in our shoes, I would report him to the police.
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A
female
reader, BendychickP  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 I don't know much about the law, but I don't think this is breaking it. You should probably stop though, as this is obviously just stressing you out. Just try to break off all contact with this man, accept that that time in your life happened and that now it's over. You don't have to start dating until you feel comfortable. Just try having some drinks with your friends, and meet some new people. Expand your horizons. Best Wishes.
Bendy xx
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