A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so LIVID right now. I was just out at the store trying on dresses for an upcoming event. My husband usually accompanies me as he likes to watch me model clothes and weighs in with his opinion. Well his opinion does matter to me as he is my husband. Today I bought a dress and he liked it a lot and said it looked nice on me. I tried my usual size in the dress but my boobs got bigger as I gained about 10 pounds during COVID. My usual size was tight in the boob area. So I got the dress in one size bigger to fit my boobs but the rest of the dress looked nice on me. My husband commented once I lose weight, my boobs will be smaller and I can fit into my cute little dresses again!!!I then asked him if he preferred small boobs. I used to have smaller boobs when I was ten pounds lighter! He said YES, he PREFERS smaller boobs but that doesn't mean he doesn't like my boobs because they are bigger.I just think he FUCKED UP royally by saying something that INSENSITIVE! He knows my self esteem is low lately and that I am not feeling like myself. I have anxiety and depression and I have gained weight. And instead of lifting me up and being KIND to me, he decides to say something very shitty and mean spirited to me so that it perpetuates my low self esteem and increases my anxiety and depression! WTF is wrong with him?????I told him I LOVE MY BOOBS and I PREFER them BIGGER. And FUCK YOU. I also said I prefer a man with a tight stomach, not the BIG STOMACH HE HAS but I love him anyway!!!! FUCK HIM!!I cannot believe a man can be so cruel to his wife!!! I am writing here to ask if I am blowing his comment out of proportion????He said I am OVER REACTING!!! Am I?At this point, since I do not have his preferred body type, I am going to have to never let him touch my boobs again and cut off the sex. Why would I want to have sex with a man who does not like my body and makes me feel bad about my body?What else can I do here???? Obviously he does NOT FIND MY BODY ATTRACTIVE and maybe I need to sit on pins and needles waiting for a small boobed woman to come along and take him away from me!For the record, I am SEXY and I LOVE MY BODY. I am also beautiful and I am sure A LOT OF MEN WOULD LOVE TO GET THEIR HANDS ON THIS BODY!!!!
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male
reader, Anon21  +, writes (27 August 2021):
OP you are definatley over reacting. You no doubt want honesty in marriage but when your husband was honest with you went off him. You only wanted your husband to say what you wanted to hear. (You should not Ask The Question If You Don't Want To Hear The Answer). Ask a psychologist men are attracted to what they see, they are turned on by the physical. Your husband did not say he did not like your body or that he was not attracted to you, you are the one saying that. Instead of thinking your husband is not attracted to you should sit down and have an honest and open discussion with him about what he said and what did it mean etc Do not just yell at him.
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No doubt your husband wish's he had shut up and agreed with you. Do you really think your husband is going to leave you for a women with small boobs and are you going to cheat on your husband with another man because he was INSENSITIVE to you? There will be many men who would willingly have sex with you, but it would be just sex not a proper relationship would this be enough to punish him? What sort of a marriage do you have even to think like this?
I can almost guarantee that in future if your husband goes clothes shopping with you he will just agree with the clothes you buy even if they don't suit you.
Have a goog day.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2021): I learn so much from DC. Not only from the advice given by readers, or the aunts and uncles; but from the posters themselves.
"My husband commented once I lose weight, my boobs will be smaller and I can fit into my cute little dresses again!!!"
You said you've gained weight, and you tried-on a larger dress. Is that not a fact?
Make sure you inform him of everything about you that is off-limits to commentary or criticism. He apparently doesn't know, he's only your husband. Next time there's spinach in your teeth, dare he say anything about it! You don't seem to care for his belly, or you wouldn't have brought it up! If we go by your logic and reasoning.
You see, I know unreasonable and overreaction when I see it or hear it. You're giving an excellent example of overreaction and unreasonableness. You blew something very insignificant completely out of proportion; and I think you were spoiling for a fight. Oh, of course I expected an excuse to absolve you of your bad-behavior. Your low self-esteem, not feeling good about yourself, depression, so-on and so-forth. I saw through all that. You were behaving like a vane and spoiled-debutante. You should hand him a list of acceptable flattering-comments the next time you bring him along. He shouldn't say anything that isn't written on the list.
"My husband usually accompanies me as he likes to watch me model clothes and weighs in with his opinion."
He's your husband, that gives him some right to be a critic. You like modeling clothes for him, so he gives you his opinions. Unlike the Magic Mirror, he's not always telling the Queen what she wants to hear. The one time he tells her, "while the queen is beautiful; Snow White is the fairest in the land!" And...she...loses it!!!
He prefers smaller boobs, that's entirely subjective. Not a new edict or a command to go-out and shrink your boobies! You like your bigger-boobs just as they are. So there! You're even! His opinion is therefore cancelled! His point of view is moot.
If he's twisted enough to leave his wife just for a smaller pair of titties; I think he'd have a crack in his skull! As far as you'd be concerned; it would be a blessing you were rid of a man who would leave you over the size of your boobs!!! He's not just married to your breasts, he's married to your mind, body, and soul. You are one flesh, as the Bible would put it.
You've asked if you are overreacting? Yes! You are!
You hit-back telling him about his belly. His comment was made matter-of-factly with no real malice; your comment was meant to cause pain and strike a nerve. He wasn't intentionally insulting you. Your vanity got in the way of his constructive-criticism. You wanted to be flattered or sweettalked; and he made somewhat of a doofus-response that would probably raise the ire of most women, but he meant no particular harm. If you're sensitive about your body at the moment, that's an issue you need to work on. He doesn't deserve a public caning or a divorce about a stupid boob-comment.
Nobody can always say the right-thing, and always at the right-time. Sometimes you miss the mark. Our advice doesn't always please the OP's. You take it anyway you want to. You have the option to take criticism for what it is; or you can blow-up, and turn it into an insult. It would have been better if you made the belly-comment as a playful joke; rather than a toxic-statement.
If you withhold sex from him, you're also withholding sex from yourself. A hot-lady with smaller-boobs might come along and give him the sex you wouldn't.
I meant that to be facetious, but you'll probably take it as an insult.
I think you mean much more to him than the size of your boobs. Don't you? He comes along with you when you're trying on dresses, because he enjoys it. Did you miss that?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (26 August 2021):
 Oh well, there truly is no new thing under the sun.
Honey covered it really. You asked a question with no possible good answer then you blew up.
That's called a s*** test. the purpose of the test is to see if your man will put up with your S***. Apparently he did. So now you want to test him further by manipulating his access to sex. While that is certainly your right, it is no way to prolong a marriage.
Sooner or later he will do one of three things. He will pass your s*** test and tell you off for your abusive treatment. He will pass your S*** test by telling you that he can walk away from your S*** any time he wants to. Or he will fail your S*** test and watch you cheat on him.
That's it. That is the road you are choosing to go down.
Generally if you are disgusted by your partner, and can't stand their 50's belly, you divorce them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2021): I think your husband sounded perfectly reasonable. You asked him a question and he answered it truthfully and nicely! He told you that he still loved your boobs even though they had grown, but that he preferred smaller ones.
You asked him! He didn't lie. BUT he was also considerate of your feelings. I don't think you can ask much more. He was reasonable and nice, YOU are being unreasonable and silly.
If you are so upset about your weight gain, do something about it and stop blaming your husband for your poor self esteem.
Poor guy. He can't win.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2021): Look the question is not does your husband like your boobs bigger, but do YOU, in fact like your boobs bigger?
This is really important because you have to wear your boobs night and day.
If you want the skinny boobed look then go for it, but if you are proud of your assets then don't go changing...!
Going on sex strike is possible.
But your husband has no idea what it feels like to be a woman.
He only knows that certain remarks make you happy and other remarks make you angry.
He also probably knows you are a bit of a drama queen and maybe he hates having to be the person you drag to the shops.
He couldn't possibly know that the dress was a size larger unless you told him.
So in future cut the label out and I recommend you be unrepentantly larger if that's your current size because you are too vulnerable to anyone making swiping comments about your weight.
Ladies change shape over time. Skinny ladies tend to fade away faster and you have survived covid so count the pluses and forget about a tiny weight gain that probably makes you look better.
Throw out the old clothes that may well have shrunk and treat yourself to a brand new wardrobe of clothes.
Be proud of who you are.
And don't forget to wear that smile!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2021): You are totally overreacting here and I’m honestly shocked by the sharp insult you lobbed at your husband following his honest answer. And now you want to withhold relations and never let him touch you again?
Your fear that he will leave you for a woman with different breasts speaks more to your insecurity than to his potential infidelity. It sounds like you harbour a strong fear, even before this incident, that the relationship will collapse and that your husband will leave you for someone that you think (but not necessarily that he thinks) is more attractive.
I recommend you deal with these fears and that you try to be more understanding rather than react to harmless situations with anger and threats.
I agree with Honeypie: you say that you love your body, but at the same time you are clearly upset about your recent changes in body shape. You need to understand your own feelings about yourself before you punish your husband who is trying to navigate those feelings.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2021):
 I think you are overreacting. And probably because YOU feel bad about the weight gain.
You asked him a question, he CHOSE to answer it honestly. But it's the age-old "does this make my ass look gat question" where the guy JUST can not win or say the "right thing".
If he has said yes I like the bigger boobs better you would have been pissed too, because you previously had smaller boobs.
And your way to show your ire was to not TELL him, hey I already feel bad about the weight gain have a little sensitivity here, or JUST not asked him... YOU go on the attack and talk about his fat belly. HE didn't ASK you!
I think YOU insulted him for not lying to you. How is that ever healthy in a marriage?
If you didn't want to feel bad don't ASK questions like that.
He NEVER said that he doesn't find your body attractive - YOU decided that is what he meant.
He said:" He said YES, he PREFERS smaller boobs but that doesn't mean he doesn't like my boobs because they are bigger."
Basically, he said I PREFER smaller boobs - but I love you JUST the way you are.
I think you were a bully here. Not him.
You need to USE your words if you feel he is saying stuff that hurts your feelings or ego. INSTEAD of insulting him back. And then you presume he is now going to prowl for small boobs women?! I mean really?
Jeeez you are a GROWN woman!
It's GREAT that you are loving your body, NO shame there. Good for you. But you also need to be honest with yourself here. You were upset because you had to go up a dress size due to weight gain, so are you really OH so happy about it or not?
Relax and TALK to your husband. If you want ONLY praise and compliments and not his opinion, tell him to lie to you in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2021): You've gotta be kidding.You are totally making a mountain out of a molehill, and about an issue which is so futile that seems to belong to some teen movie from the 90s.So you gained 10 pounds...ten pounds =kg.4,5 ....it does not even add up to a whole clothes size, if you are of average proportions 4 kilos ( or ten pounds ) are barely noticeable unless one is hellbent to find flaws. Then again , if this little extra weight bothers you, well it's not as if must stay there, 10 pounds can be shed in few weeks/months without much effort. If you have to raise hell about a little temporary change in your body, then why didn't you take better care to make sure it should not happen? And most of all, if you did not want an honest answer, why did you ask him in the first place ? What's the point of asking questions if you already know which is the only acceptable answer for you ? And why do you say that you like your body and accept it and feel sexy blah blah if one slightly foot in mouth, but not mean and not derogatory comment from your husband is enough to freak you out this way?....Wear what you want, look the way you want and stop looking for validation of yourself as a sexual being in the eyes of men,-including your partner.It's true,different men prefer different features,maybe he does like less busty women, - this does not mean that he does not find you desirable nonetheless, or that 10 pounds more made you repulsive in his eyes.Please try and take a chill pill, and remember that if this one is the main, or only, issue that you are having in your relationship...then you are a very lucky person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2021): Your self esteem is very low if you let this little thing bother you so much. Talk about over reacting, he could have said far far worse and if you had self esteem it would have been nothing to you. What is all this stuff about I am sexy and you love your body, if that were true you would be laughing at what he said instead of angry about it fibber.
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