A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi my boyfriend is 30 and I'm 40. Hes still hangs out ALOT with friends, on a daily basis. I usually keep quiet about it but we have no alone time really. Just when we sleep basically. We have been together for over a year, I thought maybe it's because hes younger but it doesn't seem to be getting better. I did decide to tell him it bugs me and he became offended. I thought perhaps he could understand as I have been patient. I dislike people around all the time or in the fridge eating what they like without asking. I find it rude. I wouldn't go somewhere and start eating someones food without first being asked. To him it's normal. Am I wasting my time? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (31 August 2021):
 I think if he really wanted to spend time with you and be with you then he would. Probably not what you want to hear but i just think he is not as in to you as you are him.
I don't think this is going to change anytime soon, and yes i think that you are wasting your time.
Save yourself future heartache and end this relationship and move on, and find someone who actually wants to be with you, and who has time for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2021): I think you failed to set boundaries at the beginning to form an understanding between you and your boyfriend.
You've held-back and have made some concessions for the sake of letting him feel free to spend some time with his friends. He's not a kid, the dude is 30 years old!
About that helping yourself to my fridge, and making yourself too at home?
Oh, hell-no!!!
It's bad manners to just help yourself when you haven't been given the invitation. They know he has a girlfriend; and if you are present, they shouldn't even approach the kitchen. You could leave-out snacks on the counter or coffee table for them. Otherwise, it has to be fine with the both of you to raid your refrigerator. You deserve that much respect. Especially, when you "both" put food in that refrigerator; and not just your boyfriend! I also suspect he moved-in with you. It was your place to begin with?
When the moochers always come empty-handed and never bring a bottle or a bag; you have to set some house-rules, or they will keep your fridge empty.
Ask them to drop-off a case of beer, or whatever they like for the cooler; and you'll be happy to add to it from time to time. If you say nothing now; then don't complain later. If they're bold enough to stick their unsanitary hands in your food, you should be bold enough to say something about it. Talk to your boyfriend first, if he sees nothing wrong with it; then be sure to take extra money from him to shop for snacks and groceries for his buddies.
If he was younger, I can see daily hanging-out with his mates. He's a little old for that; but there isn't that much of a gap between 30 and 40 maturity-wise. He's stuck on frat-boy mode, and he might need to be brought up-to-date. If talking about it reaps no compromise or reward; then maybe it's time for a new boyfriend. He's not ready for a grown-woman, if he's still having playdates with his gang of man-boys.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2021):
 "Am I wasting my time?"
Yes.
He is not a good fit for you. He actually got OFFENDED when you said you felt he spend way more time with his friends than you. OFFENDED.
End it and find someone who WANTS to spend time with you. Someone who can have FRIENDS and spend time with them WITHOUT neglecting YOU.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2021): I would say yes, you are wasting your time.
Your maturity level is quite a lot higher than his and younger men have a knack of being incredibly hurtful to older women.
Of course he's happy to have a regular bed mate but despite what he presumably says I don't see him as settling down material.
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