A
female
age
30-35,
*ail..
writes:Hi,I have been thinking for a while now and feel it is time to move on with my life and break up with my boyfriend. i love him a lot but they way we are with each other is very unhealthy. He says he hates me and i tell him he needs to stop but he won't. I know he doesn't believe me when i say i will leave because i haven't done it yet. He won't invite me with his family because he says they all think he is an ass because of me and I dont like feeling excluded.I think I have no choice but to leave. i even have to lie about going out of town for a babyshower because he will think i am cheating or trying to find someone new. I know this has messed up my whole sense of what a relationship is supposed to be but i will miss him. He is alowed to do whatever he wants. talk to girls on the phone and go out with his friends while im at home alone most of the time. My money is good enough to party with on new years eve but im not. i want to be a better person and live for once. i wanted to know if anyone has any clue how to get thru this while im alone?i know there is the friends thing but im a little scared cause i know i will still feel like i am on a leash and will be yelled at for something..i am fully aware of the fact that he will move on with another girl two weeks after cause thats just who he is and i have come to terms with that and decided i am better than that and do not need him anymore.so i was just wondering how am i supposed to get over him or move on if i still feel like i love him even if he doesn't deserve it?..any help would be very helpfulthank you so much
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female
reader, Fail.. +, writes (12 January 2011):
Fail.. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much for being understanding,i really thank you so much for your advice and i have taken it.i told him that i don't feel the need to stick around anymore, because i don't feel the same at all, and he said "if you go and leave don't ever come back" so i decided to listen one last time and will not return.i hope to soon get on with my life and my friends are also very respectful of the time i need to get over everything that has happenedonce again thank you very much your responses were very nice and thoughtful :)
A
male
reader, EPocket  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 hun
sometimes in life words become useless as on now . u already made up ur mind . and just waiting for someone to tell u to go ..
lemme tell u this .. the moment u leave u`ll feel free and the moment u`ll find someone else .. u`ll forget all abt him . thats how things work .. happiness erase sadness and so on . just go on with wat u got in mind and time will show u that u should be done it long time ago .
Rami
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): listen, if he is treating you like that, he is not worth another thought. Break up with him and I know it might be hard but try to find yourself another man. go out socialising and to clubs to meet new people. You will soon find another man. hang out with your friends and try meet some new people. nobody should feel like this and when you do break up make it seem like you do not care. keep your head held high! good luck!!! xxx
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 I don't think your idea of what a relationship is messed up or you wouldn't be here asking these questions. You are just in the middle of a distasteful situation that you want to get out of.
There is no secret to quickly getting over him, but I think it would help you to take a good look at him and realise exactly who he is and the effect he is having on how you feel about yourself. You said that you are in a very unhealthy relationship and from what I have read, I believe you.
I don't think there is any easy way you can just `slip out the back door' on this guy. You should be clear with him, that he has well and truly overstepped the boundary of basic decency and you don't need his continuing contempt for you in your life. I am sure you can find someone who will treat you better.
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A
male
reader, als77  +, writes (9 January 2011):
Love is (at least sometimes) irrational, I guess that is why some women are unable to leave an abusive husband even though they know they should...
If your BF says he hates you, then I don't see any reason for why you should be together (it is one thing to admit that he is not in love with you anymore, but to hate you???).
Moving on should be "easy" since he says he hates you, and he seems like some sort of an abuser. He is not good for you, but you know that already. Try to see him for what/who he is and how he treats you (I notice that you haven't listed one positive argument about him).
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