A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I feel like i am too intimidating to guys and therefore they dont talk/approach me.I have a general 'don't mess with me/i am my own person' attitude that lets boys know that if the try to mess me around like they do to other girls i just wont stand for it, and this is something i have always been proud of, but now i wonder whether it puts them off because they'd feel out of control or just generally put of because im too muchof a challenge.How do i control/change this and become easier for guys to talk to?!Should i try to change or...?Thank yoi Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): It has nothing to do with seeming intimidating, it has everything to do with seeming like someone who is cold and un approachable
People will always be more open and willing to approach and talk to someone when they don't seem like they're pushing away every advance.
A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (30 August 2013):
 Don't change a thing about yourself, especially if it's just to get a boyfriend.
The most likely reason you've been unable to hook a guy is that you're 16-17. When you're that young, your community/social circles are small and you're in environments that may not be the best for your self-expression.
In one or two years, you'll be an adult and possibly off to university. That will put you in a much larger community with more diversity in the personalities and interests of the people around you. There you can find your niche and explore the things that you think are cool. In doing so you'll meet guys who share your hobbies and quirks, and they'll be likely to have personalities that complement your own.
I felt the same way when I was your age, but the truth is that it isn't you: it's hard to be unique and self-sufficient in high school AND appeal to high school-aged boys.
Best of luck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): First off, what makes you so perfect that you'll never hurt anyone? People do make mistakes. You want to be forgiven if you do. Why? Because you are human!
Walking around with a chip on your shoulder says not only don't mess with me, it also says: "I'm insecure, and afraid you might not like me." There is such a thing as going over-board.
You don't go around with a defensive attitude to warn people not to mess with you. By acting tough and bitchy.
What has it gotten you?
An unpleasant reputation with the boys. Girls also avoid other girls with caustic attitudes. They scare the nice boys away. They don't know when to turn it off.
People like you described you are, think they're proving something. They just come off as nasty without a reason, or damaged. It's best to avoid them.
A bad attitude is a sure sign you have issues. That's why they back off. Not because they think you're such a challenge. You might be a wonderful person; but no one can get close enough to find out. Up go the shields!
You are getting in return what you're sending out. They don't want you to mess with them either. They think you're daft.
You have to be approachable in order to be attractive to boys. Observe how a boy behaves around you before you assume he is going to hurt you. Give him some time to prove he is a good guy, before you assume he isn't.
If you know before-hand he's a loser; then you have a right to let him know you're not the lady to mess with.
Cocky attitude will not guarantee you'll always be treated right. You will definitely be left ALONE!
That doesn't mean you have to be sappy-sweet and phony.
You're making the kind of guys you're looking for avoid you. You'll get lonely, and end up settling for the wrong guys.
Do you want everyone to think you're not worth being a friend before they even know you? You treat others the way you want to be treated.
Just relax. Save the tough attitude for when it is appropriate. If he does something out of line, then do what the situation calls for.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): Be easy,!! Young boys do not want a challenge, so dont give them one!
If you want to be popular, you should put yourself out there.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (30 August 2013):
 Don't change. If a guy just wants a pushover, then he's the wrong guy. Keep looking.
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