A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy, and I broke up with him on account of the fact that he cheated on me with one of my friends. When I broke up with him , I stopped talking to him for a while but we became friends again after some time. So later we met up at a park, and got talking, and stuff happened. The problem was that this place was a park and we found this enclosed spot and we had sex.I know what anyone reading this would think and I know how much it makes me look like a slut but I'm really not that type of girl. He was my first ever boyfriend and i just had a lot of issues at that time that I cannot even go into now.When it was over, I felt really shocked at myself and I even blamed him for it at first because he had texted me some days before we were to meet saying that he was horny . . . but I never went there with any intention of doing what happened and so I thought maybe that was his intention all along . . . I know it sounds irrational. But later, I hated myself and him too because I knew it was totally wrong and it shouldn't have happened. I kept getting texts from him all the way back home saying he was sorry for what happened. He knew I was angry with myself and i guess he was trying to make me feel better. Some weeks later, we were still friends and we still talked and chatted and but one day someone told me that he had been sleeping with some other girl while were going out as well ( meaning that he cheated with 2 girls, not just one) . . . and that he had said some really hurtful stuff about me to others when we first started going out, like that I moan when he kisses me . . . and some other stuff . . .When I heard all that I ended things with him again and i basically just told him I didn't want anything to do with him any more. I didn't bother to explain cos i felt so humiliated. But later i sent him an email telling him why i said so. I don't know if he actually read it or not cos he didn't reply. Anyway, fast forward a few months . I found out that after I told him not to talk to me again, he told everyone about what happened at the park. It was so bad that everyone knows the name of the place and all that. I felt so exposed because I've never been the girl chasing guys or having casual sex like some of my friends do . . I've been in agony ever since cos first of all I lost my virginity to him ... that was one of the issues I was dealing with cos I really regretted it ever since. Also, my mom had cancer and for a while i was scared that she was going to die and so many other things were just happening then and he knew that all this was happening to me when the stuff at the park happened. So I dont know why he basically just told all his friends that I was the one who initiated the sex, and even going as far as saying that he didn't want it but that I pressured him into doing it.I feel so humiliated and degraded cos all this happened in the course of 2009 and I feel like my whole life was ruined. I look at 2008 and 2009 and the difference is so sharp. It feels like he ruined my life because I feel like a slut and one of my " friends" used that against me in an argument we had recently. I haven't spoken to her since. Can anyone help me with this please? Pls don't judge me cos I hate myself enough already.
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broke up, cheated on me, horny, lost my virginity, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 If you think clearly, than as a result you will 'feel' wisely. You are in your twenties, and need clear thinking. It is about sex, your ideas should be as clear as sunlight... just sun light make everything visible, like this you should have clear thought.
Sex in-it-self is great, so great that its greatness is almost beyond description, so all most all, do something sexually, which is not 'slut' like thing, but to be ungrateful about sex by "anyone" is worst Evil, You are facing such evil lead by your partner. There are so many mind, and you can say to yourself, that you are being unlucky in having such worst person as friend.
What you feel is justified, but it is not your fault, so assure yourself, that in future you will be careful in making choice about 'friend'...is all you can think about yourself, and allow all necessary correction that make you able to make good choice of person.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Im not going to judge you. We all do crazy stuff when we are young...and a lot more crazy stuff when we get older (but by then we don't really care what people think).
You seem like a very caring sensitive girl who has been used by a complete 'rat'. Don't beat yourself up about it. Some boys are masters at manipulating girls into sex, some are cheats, some are nasty and horrible and want revenge when they don't get what they want.
You feel the humiliation because you are a NICE person and you feel you let yourself down. Do yourself a favour and FORGIVE yourself...it was a mistake and cannot be changed but you can change the way you feel about it by putting it down to experience and being more wary next time.
Your true friends who know you well will gradually see that you are a decent girl...and to hell with the rest.
If anyone asks you what happened or tries to make you feel bad because of it, tell them 'It was a HUGE mistake, I have learned a lot from it and I have gotten over it'...simple as that.
You know now that boys can mess you around a lot to get what they want (some girls do this too) be selective next time and avoid the ones wanting to rush into sex.You can now get back on track and start loving who you are again.
Sex doesnt always lead to love, you just have to wait until you know and understand the difference.
Chin up sweetie and a big hug for you.
Aunty Em xxx
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Im sorry to hear about what has happened and how its affecting you but listen people talk about things (gossip) they hear about other people whether it be true or not and they will even pick on you about it but soon enough there will be different news about someone else and everyone will forget about the rumours made up about you. You need to think that sleeping with someone in a park is not a big deal really plenty of people i know have done this, one of my friends lost her virginity in a field we all call it experimenting its just for the excitement of having sex somewhere new so i wouldnt worry about it hunny everyone at some point will have sex somewhere other than in a bed.Your ex is obviously angry and out to hurt you by exposing your business the way he did and putting it all on you but maybe you should confront him about it and ask why he said what he said and twisted the truth to be honest though i think its down to jealousy he didnt like the fact that you rejected him so he probably wanted to hurt you the way you hurt him maybe.dont let all this get you down if i was you id walk around like nothing has happened if people say anything to you just reply im not interested in anything you have to hear there are two sides to every story and you dont no my side so you cant judge me.anyone that is willing to make fun of you are not worth talking to but im telling you in time this will all pass so try not to worry to much good luck
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