A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem whereby I feel absolutely horrible knowing my husband has been watching porn one night and then has sex with me the next. I can't help feel that he is thinking of the women he watched and came to . Last night we had sex and I was aware that he had recently been Masturbating to lesbian porn and that's all that went through my head the entire time . It's gotten to the point where it's hard for me to enjoy sex, which I used to a lot because I'm just imagining him thinking of those women. Am I going crazy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): It isn't the masturbation you don't understand it's the fact it's over someone else I gather. I took off when i realised i wasn't my exs masturbation material.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Wow some great answers here Thankyou everyone . Yes I did think that he could be fantasising about a woman he sees just out at the store but the fact that by watching porn be sees so many women who's bodies are all so slim and young and they seem to always be made up , he would never see that many women like that in normal day life if he weren't watching porn
All the women he sees are always opposite to me. I'm
Naturally short and plump and they all are slim and mostly
Very pretty. I feel like he has sex with me because I'm available but dreams of them if he could have them he would
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Let him know how it makes you feel regardless of his intentions.
And then let him know that it would make you very happy if he stopped watching it or at least if he cleans up all his history and never lets you see the evidence that he is watching porn.
You can't control what's in his head. What you can do is ask him to keep it away from you so that it doesn't drive you insane. If he wasn't watching porn, he might masturbate over the image of a sexy woman he saw in the supermarket. You would never know this. You would never be hurt. It would likely never affect the quality of your relationship.
Ask him to kindly spare you the pain of knowing. Clean up his history and don't masturbate when you are at home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): I watch porn too,I'm a woman but for me it isn't about looking at naked men and how big their penises are-it's about the act their engaging in-like I watch a gangbang scene and think oh yes I'd love for that to happen to me lol and masterbate to it because seeing people actually having sex is exiting and not something you ever see unless you film yourselves and seeing something more adventurous/kinky than the norm that you have a fantasy about is especially arousing but when I'm with my boyfriend I'm not thinking about how skinny and old he is compared to all the muscular porn hunks.Even if I did watch it for the hunks I still don't think I'd do that because I know that he is real and they all have fake steroid muscles and have to dose themselves up with Viagra the same as the women all having fake breasts and hair and lips and your husband knows that.He also probably would never expect you to act out some of the freaky things in the porn films and is quite content to make love to you and watch other people do the freaky things while he masturbates to it.another thing is I never give the porn scenes a second thought until I feel like masterbating again so maybe guys are the same.He probably watched it or looked at magazines while he was with previous partners too and they would not have looked any more like pornstars than you do,he's no doubt never been with a woman who looks like a pornstar
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Don't drive yourself crazy! After probably 20years of porn viewing nothing comes close to having real sex with my wife, sure its the same for your husband. One easy way to make sure hes thinking of you is to talk to him when you have sex!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 December 2014):
 That's just it. It's like you said. 'I'm just imaging" The imagination knows no bounds so you and no one else will ever know what your partner is thinking so give yourself a vacation from stress and don't fret about it.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (14 December 2014):
You're not going crazy, but you gotta see the porn use for what it is: a stimulant to get off. Most people watch it just for the sex, not for the pornstars in it. He's not invested in the women. If it's an addiction that's a whole different ballgame, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
Of course, if it bothers you that much, communicate. Tell him how you feel! If he doesn't know, he can't change. Also listen to his side of the story.
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