A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My partner needs help with his anger and possessive behaviour , how do I help him .. I know I can't help him he needs a professional but what do I do in this process !?It's sounds horrible because im finding it hard to believe he will change and even harder to want to sit around and support him while he tries .. He said he'd get help before when I said i couldn't be with him anymore and he didn't get the help in the end now it's back to that again and I don't know what to do '!! I feel like he guilt trips me to stay with him because he thinks I'm going to leave. Is he guilt tripping me or am I just seeing the worse in him.. Can people really change the way they are?Im worried and scared Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 He may change but it is clear he is not going to change for you. If he was he would have done nosy now, he senses you are to weak to leave him so he uses that to his advantage. Honestly the best thing you can do for yourself is leave and learn that you deserve better.
A
female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (26 February 2017):
Maybe he will change, but not anytime soon, and not with you. LEAVE. This is a losing battle. It will only get worse, not better.
RUN!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (24 February 2017):
Why would he try to change when he can con you into staying with him? Jealous possessive people do not get better on their own and in fact things will just get worse for you the longer you stay.
My grandmother used to say "People don't change as they get older, they just get more like themselves." You know what he is like now imagine how bad he'll be in a few years.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2017):
 Can people change?
Yes.
Do they?
Not always.
I don't think YOUR BF will change. He ONLY said he would get help to try and get you to stay. ALL words, no action. He never sought help, so really? How interested IS he in changing himself?
Of course, he is guilt tripping you - his empty promises only go so far in trying to make you DO what HE wants you to do - which (for now) is to stay. It's manipulation. Both the empty promises and now the guilt trips.
The thing is, YOU have him pegged and are wanting to leave. Things will NOT get better EVEN if he DOES get help, it doesn't mean he will change.
SAYING:"I want to change" doesn't mean someone will ACTUALLY change. It takes time and a lot of effort and often people backslide because it's familiar and easier.
If you live together you need to have an exit strategy. That means you pack up your valuables, important documents and things that mean a lot to you and store them at a family or friend's place.
Then you separate your finances (if you share any bills/costs) and then you leave, you can end it over the phone if THAT makes you feel safer.
Also, CHANGE all your passwords and get a new lock.( if you don't live with him)
Do you have a place to go? (if you live with him?)
Wish him well and BLOCK him.
If you are worried he might hurt you, then I suggest you read this website and follow the advice given. Now he may not BE abusive or violent (yet) but better safe than sorry.
http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=13422&state_code=PG
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