A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very happily married but I think I love my wife's sister. She is married to my friend who has changed over the years and treats her terrible. We were always close but now she confides in me all the time. She is always hugging me and rubbing my back. We spend a lot of time together and she finds a way to get me alone. She tells me how she wishes her husband was like me. She cries and tells me how unhappy she is. I tried to talk to her husband about the way he treats her but we just end up arguing. I always cared about her. I don't like to see her upset and crying. Nothing is going to happen between us. I won't let it. I feel guilty just thinking I have feelings for her. Maybe I just have feelings like a brother has for a sister. I don't have a sister so I don't know. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): Thanks for the replies. So you all know my wife knows everything I wrote. My SIL's husband/my friend confides in me too. I think I was trying to help everyone out but now it just stresses me. They did ask for my help I did not just intervene. PJ Roy wrote Ask yourself, what does your Sister-In-Law really want out of 'this'? That is the question and I don't think I want to know. My wife wants to hang out with them all the time and I told her she is going have to be the one her sister confides in from now on. We all were close friends at one time. Things change.
A
male
reader, PJ Roy  +, writes (18 August 2017):
*hats-off and bows to the advice that YouCannotBeSerious offers*As thefilthycritic said when he rated 'City of God': "Pretty Damn Fucking Good!"Ask yourself, what does your Sister-In-Law really want out of 'this'?My money is on that she'll be plenty satisfied merely to know that she can get *you* to do just enough of crossing the line. The moment you do, she'll suddenly remind you that her sister comes first in her book.Quite a few women are overachievers at this game.I wouldn't give her the 'holier than thou' drama routine though. Be there for her. Tell your wife as much as you deem necessary of what her sister confides in you.Be aware of when it's appropriate to unequivocally hint to your SIL that your wife and family come first.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (18 August 2017):
There is trouble brewing. You say you won't let anything happen but I've found we are most likely to lie to ourselves when it comes to the object of or desire and our willpower.
Stop the intimate chats with her. She shouldn't be telling you she wishes her husband was like you. That just strokes your ego and fuels your affection. And Stop arguing with your friend about her. If he treats her so badly stop hanging around with them. Stay the hell out of other people's marriage.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 There is probably more than a touch of sibling rivalry going on here, so be careful you don't become the victim. Your sister-in-law sees her sister has something better than her, something she desires, and she is trying to steal it from her - like children do with toys. That is not a nice way for children to behave, and it is certainly not a nice way for adults to behave. Put yourself in the shoes of your poor wife, who is totally obvious to how two of the people closest to her, who she probably trusts 100%, are behaving and consider how she would feel if she knew of your secret conversations and touching. How would YOU feel if she was having similar meetings with your brother (if you have one) or a male friend of yours? Would you think it was acceptable?
Your SIL has no business saying things to you like she wishes her husband was more like you. If she says that again, tell her there are plenty of men like you out there and that she should go out and find herself one who is free (after splitting up with her husband of course).
Being in a relationship does not stop us being attracted to other people. That is only human, especially when they are obviously targeting us for "special" attention. However, how we handle that situation says everything about us as a partner. Please don't let down your family.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2017):
 Sorry, I deleted some of my message -- tell your wife's sister that you need to set the boundaries and that she needs to talk to her husband, not you, or you will.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2017):
Uhh, any person on here with an opposite-sex sibling has just laughed out loud at this post!
This isn't Game of Thrones! No brothers and sisters are touchy-feely all over each other like you describe! And you need to draw a boundary and start AVOIDING her, because if you don't stop this getting emotional and the "I wish you were more like my husband" nonsense, you'll be in bed with her inside of 6 months.
And the fact that you'd answer me by saying "That will never happen" is WHY it will if you don't stop this. You're ALREADY having an affair! It's an emotional one. When you or she start sharing emotional intimacies that you wouldn't talk about with your spouses around, then that's cheating. You've got no business getting alone with your wife's sister, and you know it.
Seriously, you can't play with fire without getting burned. The ego boost you're getting right now is NOT worth it. You'll not only lose your wife, she'll lose her sister. You will singlehandedly destroy your family if you don't stop.
Tell your wife what is going on. Tell her husband the truth! That's the best way to stop this nonsense. Tell her exactly what you told us, and that you're going to avoid her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): Stay happily married and stop hugging your wife's sister. If she doesn't like the way her husband treats her; then let her divorce him, while you take care of the woman you married.
It's not love, it's lust. There's a difference. If you love her sister, why did you marry your wife? Isn't it hypocritical to be concerned about how her sister is being treated; when you are having feelings for a woman other than your own wife?
If you had feelings for her like a big brother, you'd know the difference. You don't have to have a sister to know how you should feel about women other than your wife.
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A
female
reader, Sweeetcheeeks +, writes (18 August 2017):
Sounds like you should stop spending so much time with her. You're just giving your own wife reason to go cry on another mans shoulders just like her sister in law is crying on yours.
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