A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My first boyfriend of almost two years is great. I can’t find many things wrong with him, in fact, next to him, I’ve been feeling almost inadequate! He is careful when he speaks. He tries to avoid conversations with emotional weight or bias. When bad things happen to him, it seems as if it doesn’t really get to him. I asked him if anything really bothers him, and his answer was simple. “No, not really”, he said, “I just don’t let it get to me”. I wish I had that gift. He is neutral and sparing with his judgments of people. I try my best to be kind, considerate, and positive, and most people who know me would say that I am. From time to time, however, strong opinions spring from my mouth when I reflect. I instantly regret them, and apologize to him. I may even vent to my guy with what’s bothering me and then apologize for that too. Or worse. I apologize to him for being open about the ugly things I see in myself. I haven’t said anything that would jeopardize the relationship in itself, I just feel like I’m making myself unattractive by being so…open…when he is so “sage-like” and closed!I blab equally about my strengths and weaknesses, while he doesn’t concern himself with that kind of sharing. He is very caring, telling me just “not to worry about” the problems I see in myself. I have made some careless gaffs, and lordy, the guy is still with me, never bringing them up. Never seeming to have ANY complaint about me or the relationship. Guess I’m lucky.Any advice on how to “close-up” from my guy? Do you think it would be better for our relationship if I tried to mirror his behavior? I feel like I have shared so much so openly that it may be driving the relationship into the ground (maybe driving him crazy secretly), and all I can do is speculate! After almost every date, I feel guilty about saying or doing things that do not reflect me being the best girlfriend I can be. Help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 He likes you being the way you are. If you mirror him in being closed up and unexpressive, this relationship would fade away and die. Remember that he is with you because of who you are and he does not wish for you to change.
I sense that perhaps the problems he may have, in his eyes, are worse than yours, perhaps he finds that he has no right to complain about you when he himself has such dark secrets. It is simply a guess, some people just enjoy expression in others but not in themselves. The like to observe and wonder and sift through their thoughts looking for a clearer perspective.
You should not feel guilty nor should you feel foolish. He clearly enjoys being with you, stop worrying and enjoy your time with him.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 You shouldn't mirror his behavior. He doesn't want a carbon copy of himself. Disclose information in the briefest way possible. Ask him for advice. He will feel like your protector. Just make sure you don't blab about the same issue over and over again. Share a little, enough to let him know that you trust him with your issues, but leave a little room for mystery. When you know each other too much, you lose that magic, that polarity attraction. Actually you balance each other out. Imagine if you are also closed and quiet, then you would deal with a lot of awkward silences.
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