A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My mother and I have a very stressful relationship. I reside in another city but due to a job change I will be moving back in w/ her, my brother, and her fiance. My mother and I, when apart, can often talk w/ out issue. However, when we are together we argue about EVERYTHING. We rarely laugh together. It is like we both have some type of wall up w/ one another and are always on the defense when we talk.As a teen, I admit, I put my mother through alot, I was not the best child, but I made it through w/ out children and an education. As a teen my mother said that she did not like me but that she loved me, she will not admit to it now. As a child, I stopped my mother from being choked to death by my brother's father and to this day I feel like I always have to protect her, which she hates. While our relationship is not the best, she is always there for me when I need her. My wish is for my mother and I to have a better relationship. I would like for us to be able to effectively communicate. I need help in saving our relationship, b/c I do not know how. Thank you in advance.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 When you feel an argument is about to arise, what do you do? You should be stopping the conversation immediately and taking a deep breath to calm down. If she does not wish to stop the argument from occuring, then make it a one-sided argument, respond calmly and see if she continues to vent her anger. Be understanding because apparently, she has been through a lot, including abuse and though she should not be venting her anger out on you, it is understandable. And ensure that there are signs that you still love your mother. Give her a hug and thank her for being there as your mother through thick and thin. It is hard for a parent.
Try that and see where it gets you. Hopefully, you will both end up handling situations differently.
I hope that helps.
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