A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a man for almost a year. About 5-6 months into this I knew this wasn't what I wanted. He was very clingy and I just did not like the behavior he showed towards me at times. I have tried several times to explain to him that although he is a nice guy, I do not think this is working out and I would like to separate. That's exactly what I tell him. He tells me I over react and to give him one more chance and will panic and call/text me many times until I change my mind. Well this is like the 4th 'chance' we are on and his behavior has not changed and I am still unhappy. I have been unhappy for months.About two months ago a good friend of mine got back in touch with me when he moved back into my area. We use to be close when we were younger. We talk and have group outings as friends, but last week he told me he thinks we have a great connection and asked me out. I was honest with him and told him I was in a relationship - although I am unhappy in my relationship. He said he understood and told me I should start thinking things over.The truth is I would like to try things with this friend of mine, he seems like a great guy and the feeling is mutual. My problem is my boyfriend will not listen to me or understand that I want to separate. I've tried several times.How do I tell this man that I have met someone else and that I'm serious about breaking up? It sounds so mean to do, but it needs to be done. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2015): Well, just remember, he was the nice guy, now, take a chance with this other guy, what's the chance, of two nice guys in a row, so dump him, once the new, where's off, the first, guy might not seem so bad after all
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2015): Stop being mealy-mouthed and over-apologetic. Tell him it is over for good. You have no intentions of reconsidering your
decision; and you would like him to stop contacting you.
Then block his number, delete his messages, don't answer the door if he comes knocking. If he won't leave, call the police and have him escorted away.
Stop playing with his head.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 August 2015):
 Call your BF and tell him, I don't see us working out and I am going to block your number. I wish you well, but I want no further contact. If he tries his usual "give me a chance" debate, just tell him NO and I have to go. Then you hang up.
Next step is to BLOCK his number ( or get a new phone number) and move on.
You are not looking to separate, you are looking to END things. So USE the right terms with him. He may not LIKE that you don't want to continue, but there are 2 people in a relationship and when ONE wants out.. it's over.
Stop buying into his "panic calls" etc. Just call him, tell him and BLOCK him.
Make sure you block him/unfriend and delete on all your social networking sites too.
It might be "smarter" to change number though, as he can't use someone else's phone to get hold of you.
And DO watch out, if he isn't a stable person he might resort to stalking etc. So be mindful and do NOT be afraid to call the Police if he shows up at your door. (don't open the door) just call the Police.
It might FEEL harsh, but if you are done, then you are DONE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): In stead of "I want to separate", maybe you should be clearer and say as the americans do "I want to see other people". You need to be clear that this is a breakup and not a negotiation, you want to be free to date others because your relationship is not working and it can not be fixed. If you find you can't break up with him without him being so clingy, well cowards way but break up with him with company (take a friend for moral support). You could also email/phone him stating you don't want to see him any him any more. That you don't want to meet up and talk about it. It is over.
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A
male
reader, mfj78  +, writes (22 August 2015):
HelloYou sound a nice person but you are being too easily controlled here. Your being too nice for your own good. Firstly - It isn't mean to break up with someone you don't want to be with. If it isn't working for you and you know he isn't for you then, although he wont like it, the only thing to do is to end it. It wont make you a bad person nor should you feel guilty, no matter how much he tries to make you feel that way.Secondly - You don't need your boyfriends permission nor his approval to end the relationship. If you want out then he needs to accept that. If he wont accept it then you need to change your number, remove him from social media and go no contact. You must stop responding to his attempts at changing your mind and be firm.To be blunt you need to accept that as an adult tough decisions have to be made at times that others don't like, often those we care about or who care about us. You need to take control of the situation and instead of asking to leave him, tell him! You don't need to explain your reasons to him, nor spend half the break up conversation singing his praises, you just need to be to the point, firm and stick to your decision. You have spent half a year in a relationship you don't want to be in, think about the long term implications of this: apart from not being good for your well being and happiness, your at an age where eventually you will probably want to settle down, have children, etc. How much longer are you going to keep plodding on with a man you have no future with?He may cry, beg, plead, panic but that's for him to get over not for you to avoid. You owe him nothing. Please stop TRYING to explain and stop SAYING you want to separate and actually do it. Four chances on and nothings changed and it never will. Due to his behaviour I wouldn't say you have found someone else. Clearly your boyfriend isn't reacting to things in a sensible, mature way and explaining you have found someone else may make him worse or go after the new guy you are keen on.You don't need an excuse neither do you need him to understand nor approve - its not actually that hard to cut someone out of your life as long as you don't give them room for manoeuver. If he refuses to listen or understand then im afraid you have no choice but to put on your big girls shoes and say "Bernard it is over, nothing will change my mind and you need to accept it. I wont reply to you from this point on nor will I accept any more attempts to change my mind." Mean it, stick to it and do it. You cant spend your life fitting around everyone else and putting your own happiness on hold to avoid hurting others. Best of luckMark
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