A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have the most thoughtful and loving partner i've ever had (Except in the bedroom). We've been together 2 years now and it's gotten worse. He's 34 and does a very physical job for a living, has a long drive there and back and does get up very early, so i can appreciate he is very tired. However even at weekends he sleeps a lot even in the day and falls asleep at bedtime very quickly, hence very little sex, so when we do have sex its all over before i've even warmed up, then he's too tired to even try to please me afterwards. Also he is quite small so it takes me a tad longer anyway. The other night we managed sex twice ... and twice he came too quickly. He then went to sleep and i'm left so sexually frustrated. I end up pleasing myself on my own after when he's alseep or when he's at work now. It's starting to get me me now, i feel doomed to a very lonely sex life at 36. Am i being selfish?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): I agree with the others. He is out of shape and needs to get to a doctor and on a health/fitness program if he loves you. There is no reason a man at that age cant stay fit or keep the libido going. I'm in my 40's, work all day, race bikes (which means hundreds of miles of riding each week) and I have the libido of an ox on viagra.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 November 2010):
I think you both need to sit down and re-evaluate the relationship here. You need to gently explain that whilst you understand he works, you feel that the relationship, including sex life, is now suffering. Maybe he needs to look around at new jobs (though I do understand that's very difficult at the moment.) Maybe at the weekend, you could let him have one day just to totally rest, then do something together the next day.
It just sounds like you both need to kick this into gear again, not just for the sex, but for everything.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 November 2010):
I think you both need to sit down and re-evaluate the relationship here. You need to gently explain that whilst you understand he works, you feel that the relationship, including sex life, is now suffering. Maybe he needs to look around at new jobs (though I do understand that's very difficult at the moment.) Maybe at the weekend, you could let him have one day just to totally rest, then do something together the next day.
It just sounds like you both need to kick this into gear again, not just for the sex, but for everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): While i know your question is about your dwindling sex life i am more worried about your man's lack of fitness at 34.
However i will deal with your issue first.
Of course you are not being selfish. And a real live man aged 34 should want and be able to do more.
It is so good that your man is loving and kind too. Such men are in short supply. And to be treasured.
At the moment your man sounds thoroughly exhausted. Can he get a job that involves less commuting?
I feel that if he felt fitter he would be more than willing to do more with you.
Never feel masturbation is the second best option. Never feel it is 'less'. You can develop a great fantasy life with your mind and masturbation. Different. But also very satisfying.
Before he can lift his sex drive i think his health needs a big rejuvenation. I feel immediately it's not possible to address the sexual relations issue while he can hardly get the energy up for a brief session of lovemaking. If he sounded fitter i would say more. But i am really concerned that his potential future health issues need remedial attention now.
Does he get holidays ever? He certainly sounds like he needs a holiday.
He also sounds very unfit.
Does he do any walking?
Can he run up the stairs or does he plod?
And he sounds like he needs a thorough medical checkup to see he is not incubating a time bomb of ill health in the future.
Ask the Dr to check his blood, his heart rate under pressure, blood pressure, urine, weight, cholesterol, bone density etc etc.
Perhaps he's a candidate for diabetes or asthma or liver problems?
Does he have enough fresh fruit, fresh salads, wholemeal bread, nuts and all the other good food groups in his diet?
Does he drink too much?
Does he smoke?
Does he have too much fatty or sugar
food.
His level of fitness even if he has a very physical job seems too low for a man 34.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (30 November 2010):
 you have to explain the problem sensitively and if it means that much to you and he shows over time no real change then you may have to move on. this is a tough one, but also a vital aspect of relationships in the early stages (2 years isn't that far into things).
really you need to make an effort to help him understand how you feel, because clearly he is satisfying himself with sex.
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