A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel depressed, unhappy and ugly. My first love and I broke up 3 months ago because he doesn't want to deal with our relationship. He basiclly put me in the depression I'm in and then left me. He also now tells me that I am not attractive to him anymore but I basiclly the same. Except for the bags under my eyes from 3 months of crying and lack of sleep. I really do love him and the only reason that we broke up was arguments. He and I argued a lot.I'm starting to feel that cutting off all communication with him is what's best for me yet I don't want to do that. I don't have the strenght for it. I might just make things worse. I am really suffering and being constantly unhappy and crying and sad and "depressing" as he says only makes things worse. I am very sensity and emotional and he knows that yet he speaks to me like he could care less if I live of die. What can i do to be happy again??? I hate being depressed and not looking attractive. I guess I'm too young really value much else. But that's the only confidence I had and now I have noneHow does anyone get past a broken heart? How do I be me again? How do I stop depending on him? He means so much. His was always there when I needed and and now I can't helpt but calling on him. And its not right because he constaly reminds me that's not his place in my life. Yet I don't want to be with anyone else. I tried even keeping a diarie so I can somewhere else to let out my anger and depression. He doesn't even want to speak to me anymore because he so unhappy. With my unhapinessHis actions towards and the things he would say. He constanly like to make refenrenses to his EXs and that just added to my depression and unhappiness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): Oh Dear, you seem to be really hurting. I can feel the darts of pain in every word, sentence, expression of yours. I really can. I wish I could just give you a great big hug 'cause that is what you really need. A huge, big, safe hug!
You mentioned you are sensitive, and with that quality comes two things; huge awareness of the human condition, which makes you sooooooooo emotionally mature, and the world really needs that; and huge potential for pain, which is very costly for yourself. I feel for you, I really do. Such great gift at such huge cost..........
So now, back to this guy; seems like he entered your life to let you know about the gift and the associated pain I described above. And left it just as soon as you had learned about that............You are left dealing with the aftershocks.
I tell my daughters - "its not about how much you think you love him, its about how much he supports you to love yourself; how much he respects your place in the world; how he makes you feel about yourself?
Think about those things; imagine if you were really supported to love yourself; what would you do to support yourself? Diet, exercise, socialise, feed your spirit with nice things; meditation maybe..........helping those in need, maybe? Each of us are different; each of us has needs. The happier amongst us make sure we fulfill our needs; to be cared for, loved, accepted for who we are; listened to with understanding and care; hugged. These things support us in the world.
How much does your (ex?) boyfriend support you in these things? How does he help you to feel positive about yourself? What part does he play in your life?
Only you can answer those questions; maybe you need to stay with hm and find out? Maybe you know already?
Whatever, whoever you are, I am thinking of you and I will remember you in my thoughts and prayers.
God ( whoever she/he is!) bless you on your journey.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I know that it hurts, but trust me, this guy wasn't for you and you will heal, and move on. I've had my heart broken and I learned that, although you need love (and I'm sure you'll eventually find love), that a relationship with a man is not going to complete you or make your life whole. You have to be a whole, complete person who has found yourself and pinpointed your passion... and then you will be prepared for a relationship.
I am sure that you have people that love you, and care about you. Your family, your friends, even a pastor or clergy person. They wouldn't want you to suffer alone... don't be afraid to go to them for help.
I know that it's painful when a relationship ends, but I am wondering if the time of year is exacerbating your depression. A lot of people suffer from Season Affective Disorder, or SAD... it's one thing to be heartbroken, but you may have SAD and that could be making the depression worse.
Also, sometimes depression has a physiological cause and it wouldn't hurt to go to a GP and get that ruled out. If there is something wrong, then they'll get to the bottom of it, and you can get treatment for it.
Like I said, someone really let me down a couple of years ago. This sounds cheesy but music helped me a lot. It opened up my eyes to the fact that I have a passion that no one can take away from me because it comes from within.
Do you have pets of your own, or know someone who has a friendly dog or cat that you could play with and love? Animals love you UNCONDITIONALLY, unlike some people.
I was so sad over this particular guy, but I would be crying myself to sleep and then my German Shepherd would whine or my cat would purr and I'd almost forget why I was sad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I'm sorry you feel so ba right now but the good thing is that you recognise that this man is not right for you. When someone who used to make us happy makes us sad, it is natural to want to things to back to the way they were which is why you want to keep in contact. What you have to do is cut off all contact with him and recognise that you need some tlc right now. Go to your GP as you may be depressed. Start to do things that make you happy. I suffer from depression and I find walking helps. Also eating healthily and regularly will help too. Think about treating yourself to a new lipstick, a facepack, something small like that each day because you deserve it. I've also found great comfort from my friends who have been there to distract me or listen to me go on. You will get over this guy I promise you. He does not deserve another tear to be shed over him. He does not deserve any more of your precious time. When you decide to truly believe that, you will begin to move on.
I hope everything works out for you xx
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A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I'm so sorry that you feel so awful. I know you don't want to hear this now, but you're better off without him. It probably feels like you'll never be happy again, but this will pass, I promise you!
As for getting over him, time heals all wounds, but sometimes needs a helping hand! Remember back to when you were happy, what things did you like to do? Hang out with your mates? Read? Go out to parties/clubs/bars etc? You need to get out there and do these things again. The more you sit at home and obsess about things the longer it's going to be before you feel like yourself again.
As for feeling ugly, I'm sure you're not. It's just chemicals in your brain making you feel this way! It might be worth confiding in some close friends about feeling depressed, or your parents if you're close to them. If you feel you can't talk to those people, there are lots of helplines dedicated to helping those who are in need of a listening ear.
Why do you feel you aren't attractive anymore? Again I'm sure it's more psychological than actual physical unattractiveness! You could think about joining a gym or club of some kind, open yourself up to new experiences, make some new friends and have a good time!
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (18 November 2009):
Oh I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that you WILL get through this and in time you will be happy again. This is awful to go through and I think the best way to get over this guy is to start paying a lot of attention to yourself and not him. First give yourself permission to feel bad, it is part of life and it is OK. Get out, see girlfriends, go shopping and treat yourself to something you have wanted for a long time. Get a new haircut, and start a new exercise routine. And also get some counseling. There are many people who are qualified to help you and can be there to support you and help you learn to heal again. I hope you can feel good about yourself again real soon.
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