A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So here's the story: I started to hang out a lot with this girl last year (I've known her for a while from college). She still had a boyfriend but he was to leave her after four years and eventually she cheated on him with me. We had a wonderful time last spring, meeting at my apartment in the afternoon to have sex and just talk, holding hands when no one saw it and going to parties together and stuff, like if it was a secret relationship. I pretty much fell in love with her and we talked a lot, about our lives, our secrets and she said she had never met a guy like me before (she told a lot of things about me to her family and her best friend etc.) and I thought I had never met a girl like that in my life. I hoped that she would break up with his boyfriend at last so we could be together "officially" and she did it (partly because of me), but the thing is... she did it on the day she went abroad to work in a place she always works during the summer. We exchanged letters and talked on the phone a few times and at the end of the summer I was happy she was back. She agreed to meet me again and after that we started a real relationship. But then I got to know that she slept with one of his friends during those weeks and then yesterday I got to know that she slept with another one. She said she thought she had the right for that because she ended a long relationship and she went there saying she doesn't care about anyone right now. But then she talks about the spring saying it was a wonderful time, that we were together already then and that she talked a lot about me to his friends abroad, saying how much she likes me as a person and this is pretty heartbreaking, knowing that I was here at home while she slept with other men (not kissing, flirting, talking a lot, actual sex, which I didn't do all summer long). I can tell that she loves me now and I love her too and she says these things in summer were just for fun and meant nothing to her but it's hard for me to forget all this stuff when I look at her, especially when having sex again after spring. I don't say that I wouldn't have done the same stuff, given the chance, but the fact that she actually did it, and not even once makes me feel a bit betrayed and cheated. So what do I do now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): She cheats too much now that you are dating and she very possibly will cheat again. Please let her go and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"NOW all of a sudden she lovvvvvvveeesss you. what changed?"
even when she got back in fall she said she didn't want a relationship because she just ended a long one. i wanted the whole thing more than her, and when we were finally in it, i got to know all this stuff and now it hurts like hell.
thanks for the answers anyways, everyone!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): ok, thanks for clarifying the sex guys issue.
strange that she wouldn't have accepted you if you had sex with someone else during your FWB season. she didn't see you in her future. NOW all of a sudden she lovvvvvvveeesss you. what changed? you need to decide whether to end it or not. seems like you are too much in the drama yourself. look critically at this relationship. if you decide to stay i said before that then you need to shut up and accept it. a leapord doesn't change its spots. it just changes its modus operandi and it lives its life as before. same with this one. all the crocodile tears. drama queen antics and the feeling sorry for me show is tiring, isn't it. this drama will be continuing in the months to come.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was not his ex's friends or my friends either, but two of her friends, abroad. I don't know her ex bf, I don't know the friends either, we don't know each other and none of them knows about the other one. She says she only feels bad about telling me these things, these making me feel bad, because officially she was single that summer and we were only "friends with benefits" when she left. To be honest, I would have had sex with other girls too, given the chance, but still, it feels bad that she actually did it and I didn't. The other interesting thing is that she tells me that she wouldn't have started a relationship with me if I have had sex that summer because I told her that I loved her, so that would have been kinda cheating, but she told me nothing like that and she didn't think about me as her future bf, just as someone she had good times with and made her leave her already ruined relationship (which she tried to forget during the summer).The real confusing thing is that she tells me she is done with all this kind of stuff, she wants to be with me all the time, helping me with whatever I need without me telling that I want her to, tells me that she loves me and when I tried to leave her because of this a few days ago she broke out in tears and fell into depression and when I said alright, she might come back to me, I didn't even have to apologize or say anything more. Sometimes I treat her bad because of this and she doesn't even argue but starts to cry and hugs me, and she said it would even be ok with her to be in a raltionship with me without sex, if these things hurts me so much, so I can tell that she loves me a bit. And so do I, that is the problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Doesn't take a genius to see this girl for what she is. she cheated on her long term bf with you. she cheated wile she was with you. doesn't feel good, does it to be cheated on. this one is no good. she will f*ck around again. love? what love, the yound princess knows nothing about love and keeping her legs closed. seems like she is planning on doing all her ex's friends. how many has she slept with so far? - 3 and counting. you may fool yourself into thinking that she is now exclusively yours. think again. in her case , once a cheater always a cheater...........any anyways what do you 4 friends talk about when you get together? who had her last? what positions you had her? what she likes? did she swallow? who did it anal with her? how many times you did it with her per night? the list is endless and it makes you feel shitty doesn't it? you 4 friends are set for life - so much in common- just a common girl. OH, an think again if you think she feels bad for cheating...............o
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
To be honest, this isn't a surprise. And it shouldn't be to you. She cheated on her boyfriend with you, so she was bound to cheat on you with someone else. I don't think she's worth another moment of your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): unfortunately, since you did become official in a relationship the day she went away, those two times she had sex does mean shes cheated on you. Just because shes long distance doesnt mean she has the right to cheat.
you need to ask yourself if you can forgive her for this and move on, or if this is going to continue to haunt you then maybe it would be healthier and less painful for you both in the long run if you both go back to being friends.
angel x
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A
female
reader, SeXylOvE12 +, writes (18 January 2010):
 Hmmm.... well do you love her enough to get over it? Technically i wouldn't consider it cheating because you weren't committed to each other at the time. I'm not saying that it was okay, but it's not "wrong" either. I think that you need to talk to her. Maybe hearing her explain why she did it will help. Hopefully she'll tell you that she loves you and never plans to sleep around while she's with you. She should now be totally committed to you, and as long as she is, and you love her, i think you should try to get past it. How you do that is up to you.
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