A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a divorced man with two kids. When we first got involved, we fell madly and deeply in love (or so I thought). Over time, the way the ex-wife manipulated my boyfriend (via the kids) became too much for me, and it always seemed that he played a martyr role for the sake of his kids as opposed to helping me work through my feelings about the situation. This was on top of my anger toward the ex-wife for having cheated on him during their marriage and causing him emotional damage. I believe his guilt over his divorce (even though she cheated) started becoming too much for him (because the kids were so young), and eventually he turned to alcohol and developed a deep depression over it. Recently, he told me that he had thoughts of reconciling with his ex-wife for the sake of the kids (sacrificing his own happiness). Although I love him deeply and more than words can say, I cannot accept his so-called honest confession and feel completely betrayed and unbelievably hurt. What should I do?
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female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (11 January 2009):
 You can't always look at the ex wife. Some of the issues rely between the two of them. You have no clue what he's telling her, vice versa. He can tell you one thing while he's telling his ex wife another.
Maybe it's better for you just to let go of the relationship. If he is looking to reconcile with his ex wife, then move on. That should tell you a whole lot. Protect your heart, your sanity, your feelings and yourself from any more pain.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt feels so good to read the responses from such caring people who took the time to write their thoughts. That helps so much, given that I cannot talk to my friends about it (too embarrassing). It is impossible to really give a full picture of the situation, especially the undeniable love that is there. More importantly, I have to admit that I have not been supportive of the situation with the kids, and in fact I've been ridiculously jealous. In my defense, I have always shown only love toward the kids. My jealousy comes more so from the fact that the ex-wife uses the kids to manipulate him, and this drives me crazy. It is her only claim to him and she milks it for all it is worth...and I know it. I just wish I could have kept my nose out of it and handled it better. In the end I only hurt the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2009):
 I'm so sorry. It might sound tough but maybe you need to let him go. He is not there 100% for you. He is not looking out for your happiness or even his own. I don't think he's fully over her or maybe it's residual feeling not having deal with her cheating.
If he wants to me a "martyr", then there is nothing you can do to stop him, no amount of love.
You deserve a man who is there for you and the happiness of the two of you. Having a past and kids/ex-wife is always hard to deal with but not impossible.
Good luck, and Chin up!
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (9 January 2009):
There's three sides to a story...his, hers and the truth.
Of course, you're going to believe what he's saying to you but what is he telling his ex wife? How many kids does he have?
This situations sounds so similar however, the reconciliation part with the ex wife wasn't happening unless he lied.
I know your feelings are hurt but since he mentioned that to you, think about you. The deeper you get into the relationship, the deeper your feelings get.
You have no connection but feelings, no kids by him...take some time to break thru the betrayal. just be careful. Protect your heart.
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