A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When im with people, I NEVER know what to say. And it always turns into this big long awkardness, untill either of us cant wait to get away from each other. I know its not just me, because the people who im awkward around are just fine with other people. Im fine with like, my best friends, but its just with others who hang around wtih me, I find that I never know what to say, so I never speak, and I really want to. I want to get on with others, but I just cant find the words. HELP!
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 The key to good conversation is not so much what you SAY... as how you LISTEN. As stated before... get people to talk about themselves... but interject your opinion/information as appropriate as well. Things like:
What kind of music do you like? Why? Or... have you heard so-n-so's new song/album?
Are you into video games, if so what kind (strategy/first person shooter, etc). Have you ever had a burger/pizza/whatever at some specific location.
Here's a good one I use. Many americans don't LIKE sushi so might can ask them if they like sushi. If they don't ask I ask why? Have they tried it? I then relate my own previous experience with it... e.g. I used to think it was pretty disgusting too... until I tried it at (fill in the location) with (fill in the person(s)). That sort of thing.
You also need to stay abreast of the latest goings on whether it's just local or global. I'm not saying you should become some gossip hound but knowing what's going on in the world around you impresses people when you say something like - did you hear about (fill in the blank). Or I read/heard on CNN/local news today that (fill in the subject).
Again... try to get other people to do MOST of the talking. It makes them feel like you are interested in them... and boosts their egos. They in turn think more highly of you and word spreads (and gets back to you - which in turn boosts your ego). But you have to LISTEN as well... I mean just letting them talk and not paying attention doesn't do any good. You'll need to give them feedback here and there so they know you are listening.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Unfortunately for those of us that struggle with this same affliction life will always be an uphill battle. Maybe you're introverted so this is just ingrained into who you are. It's something that you can't change overnight and it took me years to get to a stage where I could start and hold a decent conversation. Here's a little of what I learned in the process:
One of these previous comments was to "act like you're confident" without having to be confident. Certainly you can try taking this mindset but you'll still run into the problem of running out of things to say. What I found is that confidence was merely a side effect of improving our conversational skills and over time it starts to feel natural.
I was never great at thinking on my feet so I made it my goal to come up with a different topic of conversation in the event that I ran into someone I wanted to talk to. It doesn't have to be deep, it doesn't have to be emotional, it just has to be something that you find quirky/entertaining enough to be able to talk for minutes about.
Of course there are always the staple of what you did this week, music, movies, etc. etc. Most of the time a question like "how are you doing" isn't going to get you any worthwhile responses. Unless people have some pressing need to express something haunting them the most you will ever hear is "I'm doing alright."
Try not to think about how boring or how unintelligible the words that are coming out of your mouth will be. Truthfully we all have these moments but if you don't practice there is no other way to improve. It gets better if you try, trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I'm the same way! I blame other people. lol.
No, but you have to be yourself and not be afraid to be like; how was your day? what classes are you taking? Be random, start talking about that band you heard or compliment the other person and keep going from there. It may feel weird at first but hey, it'll get better!
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I had the same thing, and I still do really. But the main thing is to act like you're confident. You don't actually have to be. Find something neutral to talk about, or ask someone a question about their interests or something else that might get a conversation started. :) x x just show an interest in other people and try not to pay attention to the fact that you may not know them very well. :) x x I hope that helps :) x x x x
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