A
male
age
30-35,
*ight sniper
writes:So, about five years ago I met a girl, who is now my girlfriend of three years, online and she lives in PA. We always got a long real well and eventually we started to play on the ps3 with eachother, because we were curious about what the other sounded like. And one night she was bored and emailed me a picture of herself (and no, it wasn't a dirty picture). Finally I asked her out and she said yes. She wanted to be able to talk to me on facebook but didn't want her mom knowing who I really was and where I lived because she knew her mother wouldn't approve and I agreed with her so she told me the name to make the accaunt as. Then she started asking for a picture of me. This is where my problem comes in. I did the worst thing in the world that I could have ever done... I used one of my friend's pictures... I was terrified that if she saw me she would break up with me because I'm slightly overweight. Lately though, because of so much stress that has been pressing on my mind, I've become very guilty of what I've done and I want to tell her my horrible mistake but I'm still terrified that she'll leave me and I don't want that to happen. I feel awful for misguiding the girl I plan to marry for so many years but I'm so scared to face the music but I also want to right my wrong. How should I go about trying to mend this?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 January 2012):
 she's not really your girlfriend as long as you are lying to her.
she's just some person you wish to deceive.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Good luck having a telephonic relationship for life then.You do realize you're just messing it all up more and more each day, right? You HAVE to summon up the courage, because this cannot go on for ever and you know that too.
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (2 January 2012):
 The truth will set you free just remember that. good luck and all the best in the new year!
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A
male
reader, night sniper +, writes (2 January 2012):
night sniper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI... I didn't have enough courage v.v as soon as I started talking to her I couldn't do it. Her voice just melts me and she was so happy today... I can't rob her of her happiness. She always says that I'm the best she's dated. I can't stand to break her heart because I had to be an idiot. I never expected us to last so long that I just... Overlooked this situation entirely.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (2 January 2012):
All the best! Hope everything works out fine, please keep us updated
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A
male
reader, night sniper +, writes (1 January 2012):
night sniper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday is the day I've decided to tell my girlfriend. I spent all last night figuring the best way to tell her, and I already have an email with my picture, and some key family members I told her about to prove that it is me. I'm scared as all hell and I have a really bad feeling in my gut but... I don't have much choice in doing this do I? Wish me luck and thank you for your answers
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): You say:"Hey, I have to tell you something...When we first met and started talking I really didn't know you and didn't realize I would end up liking you this much. When you asked for a picture I was worried about sending a picture to someone I didn't know, and also a little worried about whether you would think I was attractive, so..."I sent you a picture that isn't really me. I feel like a total loser for doing that but never would have done it if I had known we'd end up being this close. I'm going to send you a real picture of me and hope you understand and forgive me. "Oh, and by the way, if you sent me a decoy picture at first also, I forgive you if you promise never to do it again!"Then see what happens. Odds are she'll completely understand and be a little irritated but will eventually get over it.I did a similar thing once and did exactly what I'm suggesting to you and it all worked out. She was pretty angry at first but I just told her, "I never would have done it if I hadn't of been so attracted to you, but I did and all I can say is I'm sorry and i won't do anything like that to you ever again." Then I shut up. That was in the summer of 2007 and we actually laughed about that about ten days ago.Anyway, the most important part is the part about seeing what happens after you tell her. Whatever you do, DO NOT beg her, grovel, kiss her a**, or anything like that. Just be a man and tell her about the mistake and be sincere in your apology and then continue to be a man. Girls don't find weakness, whininess, etc., attractive, so tell her then BE A MAN. She'll respect you, understand the situation, and then respect you even more for not being a weenie about it.
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A
male
reader, night sniper +, writes (31 December 2011):
night sniper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe haven't met each other yet because we're both teenagers still in school and her mom doesn't know about our relationship. All her Mom and her step father know is that I'm a friend named "Derek". And I'm fine with the because I know her mother would force her to break up with me. As to where it's leading, I just hope to be with her and I need to get this out there. I'm just not that sure how.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): Just take a deep breath and tell her the truth, and then let the cards fall where they may.
tell her, "I have something I need to tell you, and I'm very very sorry but I made a huge mistake and I hope you can forgive me. This is what I have to say..." and then tell her. Expect stunned silence. Then she could react in any number of ways. Don't try to contain her reaction, just let her react however she will and be respectful of her. Then give her some time like a few days before you contact her again and see how she is feeling after having processed the information.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (31 December 2011):
First things first. How is it you have never met in the last 3 years? Does her mom know about your "relationship" now? Where is all this leading to?Anyway now to answer your question, you can only mend it with the truth. As difficult as it might seem, summon up the courage and reveal your true identity, because as of now, you are living a fake life with her and you've already planned way ahead into the future, without any regard for the present.Once you actually tell her the truth, the burden will be off you. Look OP, you cant live this lie your whole life, it has to be out some day, why not now? At least you wont be living in a constant state of panic and dread. And trust me, if she truly loves you, then she will never leave you.
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (31 December 2011):
I somewhat had the same issue except I didn't expect meeting the guy and dating him 5 years later.Just be honest and say I got something to tell you and you may be upset with me but you need to know the truth. Tell her that you used someone else's picture cause you were nervous. Then send her a picture of yourself and if she gets mad then let it be she may come back if she forgives you then thats great. I did't want to show some random person online my picture. We forgot about it I think I'm going to bring it up to him. It will be a funny laugh I lied about my age too he knows how old I am now he said I didn't have to worry.
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A
female
reader, GCmusiclove +, writes (31 December 2011):
 honestly you are in almost the same problem i was a while back, i started talking to a guy like 5 years older than me.I'm 17 now but i started talking to him when i was 15.Well i didn't think it would get so serious so i lied about my age, told him i was 16, in instead of 15.Well time went by, we started falling for each other, i was 16 when he thought i was 17, because i told him i was a year older than i really am, well one night we had an arguement, i got mad and felt guilty so i had my friend text him and tell him my real age.It hurt him because he had feelings for me and i had lied to him for over a year, ever since then i have learned to not lie about stuff because you never know what happens in the future. your best bet is to tell her the truth, but ease into it first, start by making her laugh, then tell her, just be like "oh well you are so pretty, i didnt think you wanted a guy like me." or something along those lines. hope it helps, and i feel your pain.
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