A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and have no sex drive. Is there something wrong with me?? When i was 9 I was molested by my step-dad, and i remember his finger penetrated me and it hurt sooooo much!!! I still remember it like nothing. But it caused me no psychological trauma, and i know the person and he is very sorry and i lived with him for many years after, i know its hard to believe but he really is sorry and we get along as if nothing ever happened, we are just as close today, he never tried anything again, so i'd rather not dwell on that aspect. But i feel as though im asexual, sometimes i like guys, sometimes i like girls, but it's purely emotional and i never fathom having sex with anyone...i sound like a kid but it seems gross. And everyone seems to masturbate, and so many girls seem to not have a problem with putting on tampons or fingering themselves (i have open friends like that) but to me the thought is impossible, i've tried and i just tighten up, cuz i feel the pain coming beforehand. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this common at my age? Is this a really rare case/scenario??Thanks for taking your time to read this.
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fingering, sex drive, tampon Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Whether you believe it or not, you have been psychologically affected by your horrible childhood experience. Please see if you can get some counselling with a really good psychologist. He/she will help you to work through your past trauma, and heal. Maybe then, you will be able to enjoy a healthy adult relationship
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 You are right "asexual" means that you are not sexually attracted to either sex. One of the causes, past sexual abuse.
What the male reader is referring to is "asexual reproduction". This is biology and has nothing to do with the subject at hand although people commenly confuse the two concepts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answer, but i think i meant asexual, i am merely emotionally attracted to them, but never sexually, i don't feel the need to have sex with either the male or female species, thus making it hard to reproduce.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answer, but i think i meant asexual, i am merely emotionally attracted to them, but never sexually, i don't feel the need to have sex with either the male or female species, thus making it hard to reproduce.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): I;m no psych doctor, but I'm about 98% sure you have at least SOME psychlogical issues because of the abuse.
If the dude never did it again and trully is sorry. All the better.
But you gotta talk to a doctor, a shrink, about this. They are trained to deal with this sort of thing.
I mean it isn't natural to not like sex AT ALL. In fact, at your age you should be out trying to get as much as you can.
Oh and btw. ASEXUAL means being able to reproduce without another sex... like some animals. The word you are looking for is BISEXUAL, meaning you feel sxually attracted to females and males.
Seriously. Get some help cause these sexual hangups aren't natural and need to be dealt with.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers, i really appreciate it, esp. lazyguy's link, that taught me a lot. And you're right shouldknowbetter..it definitely isn't everything, but if i end up with anyone it would suck to dissapoint them.
Thanks again everyone!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (24 March 2008):
Yes it is common sadly, what you are displaying is typical signs of sexual abuse.
Sorry, but you have suffered a trauma, no you can't just get over it. Your body/mind has learned that sex/penetration is painful and so will try to prevent it from happening again. Call it a reflex action if you want.
In extreem cases your body reacts so strongly that your vagina can contract until nothing can enter. This will cause problems later if you ever want to become intimate with a man as pentration will be impossible.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus describes what you most likely are experiencing.
I wouldn't recommend trying to solve it. The treatment will probably involve excercises for you to learn to become familair and relaxed with your own body but also counseling to deal with the experience from your childhood.
It don't matter if you have forgiven him, your body hasn't forgotten the pain. Because sex for you is painful and you got a very bad experience your sexuality may well have been stunted, why should you be able to fathom doing something that hurts so bad.
Talk to a doctor about this, he/she can refer you. Even if you never ever want to have intercourse you would need to have gyno exams later in their life for your health.
You are not the only girl to have to go through this.
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A
female
reader, Emmy-Lou  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 It sounds like there may still be some underlining issues between you and your Step-dad. It may seem strange but even though you are getting on fine, his presence is obviously affecting subconciously.
It's not uncommon to feel this way, even at your age. But I seriously do feel that you may need to speak to another family member such as your Mum or a Grandparent.
You don't need to explain yourself fully if you don't want to, just give a basic outline of how you are feeling.
Hope this helps and good luck.
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A
male
reader, ShouldKnowBetter +, writes (24 March 2008):
There is no such thing as average, look at the statistics, is the average person male or female? Blonde or Brunette? Wears glasses or not? Very quickly you find that the average person represents less than 1% of the population.
You have been abused, you say you have forgiven him and moved on and no one has the right to question you on that front. It is however unsurprising that you have since which not followed the "average" sexuality.
Getting laid, having your first orgasm etc is not the be all and end all of life. Enjoy your life and spend time with people who;s company you enjoy. You will in time most likely find someone who you do want to be intimate with and it will almost certain be uncomfortable the first time but there is no need to push it and the law of averages says it will get better over time.
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