A
female
age
41-50,
*oney2be
writes:Hi, this is a bit complicated but I'll try to explain. One year and 3 months ago my ex split up from me, I'd been with him for 7 years and was obviously devastated at the time. We have 2 children together as well. Anyway 6 months after this happened I met another guy and due to circumstances I was going to be homeless soon so moved in with him after 3 weeks of dating with my 2 children. Me and my children moved over an hour away from where we were, changed schools and put everything into this new life with my new partner. Since we moved in it has been nothing but hell. SO many problems. First of all we have nothing in common at all. He is very controlling, agressive, puts me and my children down none stop, scares them, swears at us all every day. I spend my life crying. He is a bully. I have said all this to him but he just laughs at me and calls me names. I am not allowed to do anything as he still sees it as his house so even if I was to move a coaster he would go mental at me. I feel so unhappy. He says he loves me but he's not sure how much and says I make it hard for him to love me. He also says he doesn't love my children which hurts, I don't want my girls being brought up by someone who doesn't love them. He says it takes time but we have been living together for over 7 months. There are so many more problems such as his son who lives with us appox 5 days a week is the naughtiest boy I've ever met. He swears, he is violent to me (he is only 7 but very very strong for his age) bites, punches, kicks and does the same to my younger girls and never gets properly punished only smacked occasionally. It's usually me who gets in trouble when he's naughty as it's my fault apparently. I'm not allowed to tell him off either even though he does to my children every single day. I feel bullied, scared, alone. I have no friends to turn to and no family really. I have no where to go to if I leave here, no money and a lot of debt. I also wouldn't want to stay local as I would see him and his family every day at the school etc but really don't want my kids to have to start another new school and life/area. His family are so lovely, I don't want them to hate me or not have them in my life. But they have no idea wot he is really like. My little bit of family that I do see love him as well and think he's brilliant but behind closed doors it is a nightmare, a living hell. To top this all off, I am pregnant and won't get rid of it. Please help. I feel so alone and so confused and unloved...
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bullied, debt, money, moved in, my ex, split up, unloved, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, loving arms +, writes (23 March 2009):
Babe you have every right to be frigthened. But you and your children also haave every right to happiness. Yes life will have some hard bits in it but, you will become happier as time passes. If you stay with this man you will become more tied and less happy as each month passes.
You do not KNOW you will fail. Your self esteem is low right now because you have not been made to believe you are a strong person. You can do it on your own. I did and it was the best thing i ever did. I was scared and shed many tears but the happiness came and it continues to grow every day. The atmosphere in my home is now a happy stress free one and my children are happier. Be strong darling live is for living so escape the sadness and look forward to better times. One day at a time.
Please keep us up dated i look forward to hearing about your new happier life.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (20 March 2009):
you have a duty to protect your childre. you know what to do
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A
female
reader, Honey2be +, writes (19 March 2009):
Honey2be is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much. I know your both right, im just so so scared. Scared of being more alone. Scared of maybe having to live in a hostel. Scared of damaging my childen my uprooting them again and bein a single mum of 3. And i feel like such a fool. I keep telling myself i can make this work but i know inside i cant. I just dont know if im strong enough to leave him. x x
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A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (19 March 2009):
Maybe you guys moved things too fast and need to step back and value each other without the stress of every day life. But in all honesty he sounds like an arse.
Babe, i think you have given this relationship long enough. You and your children deserve better than this. I expect his family know a little bit what he's like as he already has an ex behind him. You do not need money to move go to the local police station and say you want to be moved to a womens' refuge. You are sufering mental abuse and need help getting away.
As for your children, babe i know from first hand experience that we worry about our children and forcing change on them. But you know what? once their mummy is happy they will be. Children adapt quickly and new friends are made easily.
Go enjoy your life and steer clear of any new relatonships for a while so you and your children can enjoy each others happy company.
Good luck mate. If you need motivating this might help.... if you stay your girls might grow up to think that this treatment of you is ok and they could end up with a huband just like him!
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