A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for approx. 8 months. I go to college, and she remains near her home town, splitting an apartment.Although emotionally we have developed a great deal, and we get along great, physically, she might be classified "frigid" although I would never say it aloud. She will never grasp my hand, she will never kiss more than a peck, and anytime I touch her sensually, its as if it causes her discomfort (not an "Ouch" but a "Stop, my mother is right there", even in complete privacy) and she quickly withdraws. She is more than happy pleasing me manually (literally, with hands) but will not please me orally. She will not let me kiss her for prolonged periods, and likewise I cannot kiss her on the neck without causing her to withdraw. I do understand she has a slightly poor body image (although she is in great shape and very attractive), but she will not, under any circumstances, remove any articles of clothing for any kinds of activities. Although we have slept together, and 'snuggling' is completly acceptable, and further advance is quickly snubbed.She is more than at home talking about any activity in 3rd person, including pornography, masturbation, and etc, and even discusses with me her masturbation frequency, strategm, etc; verbally we seem to be perfectly normal!I have voiced with her my feelings on the issue, and although I respect her wishes to stay abstinant (college life, fear of STD and unwanted pregnancy), I feel as though I cannot please her, and it's my fault. I want to know if there is anything I can do to help her feel more comfortable with me pleasuring her, physically. I could cope with the lack of real sex, if cooperative masturbation was happening. In the meantime, I feel as if I am just being denied.I have a slight inclination to think her last boyfriend may have been slightly sexually abusive. But thats all I have to go on, besides the insecurity over body image.Can anyone offer advice? I have been going slow for about as long as I can muster, and my slow pace capped progress out approx. 5 months ago... No development since.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is, I dont think she is not a sexual person- We can joke about it, and talk about pornography and etc, but when it comes to doing anything...
I'll probobly end up asking her about when next we have some time alone.
Thanks for your advice, folks. Anything else that comes to mind, feel free.
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 This is tough. I've written before (many times) about two types of people. Sex people. And NO sex people. Some people for whatever reason just aren't into sex. It may be that you've stumbled across one. If you're into it, and she isn't, then the chances of developing a fulfilling relationship are not great. You need to re-evaluate what you're getting out of this relationship because you're not really much more than posh friends at the moment.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 It must be something to do with her breasts or vagina. Nothing else comes to my mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): your siuation is very complicated, why not ask her why she doesn't want to and find out the real answer , and if she doesn't answer then it must be something, if she does well u can probably sort it out
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