A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK this is a bit of a difficult one, About 2 months ago my boyfriends friends bullied me badly on a night out, they were drunk whilst I was sober, and ended up shutting me outside the flat of my boyfriend and his best friend, as a cruel joke. My boyfriend was drunk talking to one of my friends upstairs and didn't hear all the commotion of his friends picking on me. It was only when I called him to let me in he found me in tears and was furious with his friends. He couldn't believe how they acted, and to be honest... Neither could I. They were normally nice to me, despite the fact they thought I was an overly jealous person (this was only because they got that impression from my quiet behaviour and my uncomfortable state when my boyfriend was around his ex... Which they are friends with- yet I didn't actually do anything, just apparently it was obvious) I have been trying to get my boyfriend to sort this relationship between his friends and I sorted. I want to be able to feel comfortable seeing them. After 2 months I'm getting sick of probably coming across as the 'b*tch girlfriend'. As it was apparent they don't want me invited to any events, so I have to just put up with my boyfriend going and me feeling invisible. I just want to fix the situation so badly so I can feel more relaxed with my boyfriend, as its affecting our relationship. He says he he tried talking to them (but he hates confrontation- so how he has tried to sort the situation... I do not know). And the most he got was an apology from them to him. He asked them to apologise to me, but they refuse to, and have started unfriending me on fb. I feel this whole scenario has been putting pressure on our relationship and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel I'm becoming that green jealous girl they played me out to be, as it hurts he acts so cool with them, when I still get tearful over how isolated I've been made to feel. For people who are 28+ I can't believe how they are acting towards me. I mean a couple of days after the night they were the worst, I got a message saying how it was my fault and how I shouldn't of told my boyfriend what happened... But how else was I supposed to get back inside the flat and get my stuff when they refused to let me in ! He has clearly forgiven them... But I don't know how... I don't know how to fix this any longer, and I just want everything to be normal again. I want a relationship where I can talk to his friends and build a strong relationship... Being the hidden girlfriend is getting too much now, I feel like I'm turning into the girl who waits for their boyfriend to come home from a night out... I can't even enjoy my own nights out, thinking he is drinking with them and having a great time without me... It makes me doubt my self worth.I've never told him he can't see his friends or anything, I've not controlled him... What should I do? Send a group message saying I'm sorry if they don't like me and wave a white flag? I don't have the guts at all to just turn up to and event with all of them there alone... It will ruin the night for everyone.Help please
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best friend, bullied, drunk, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): HiYou can't build a strong relationship with someone who's weak. He either doesn't have the guts to stand up to his friends or he doesn't value you very much, but more likely it's both. You must feel betrayed by him and sadly you have been. You are less important than his friends and if you can realise this and move on, you will be so much happier. Really difficult I know. I have left someone I was still in love with and it's hard, but I would never go back to the situation I was in. Once you've done it you will feel empowered, in control of your life and not waiting on someone to behave in the way you want them to, when they are only going to disappoint you. Good luck and I wish you strength.
A
female
reader, Kendle +, writes (7 July 2015):
 Oh sweetie, this must be so so awful for you! Your boyfriend needs to fix this though, not you. The way his friends are treating you shows they don't have a lot of respect for him either, never mind yourself. They should treat you nicely as their friend's girlfriend. I must admit, I don't particularly approve of one of my friends boyfriends because I don't like the way he speaks to her but I would NEVER be rude to him or let it show out of respect and love for my friend who is with him. The way your boyfriends friends are treating you suggests they are not good friends to your boyfriend. Anyway, your boyfriend needs to stand up to his friends and make it clear that this behaviour is unacceptable. He should refuse to see them again until they have all apologized to you and promised to make an effort with you in future. Why he would want to be friends with such cruel bullies I have no idea! He sounds a little bit pathetic to be honest. By going out with the guys who have bullied and disrespected you, without obtaining a full apology to yourself shows a lack of loyalty towards you and I personally wouldn't put up with that. Whilst his friends are clearly the cruel, evil party, the way your boyfriend has responded shows him to be weak and pathetic. Don't you think you deserve better?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): He'll eventually have to pick between you and his friends whether you give him an ultimatum or not. I don't see this situation carrying on much longer.
Do you want to him to resent you for breaking up his friendships?
If he chooses you that's what will happen.
His friends are obviously immature but he can't make them do anything.
I would call it a day on the relationship and find someone more mature.
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