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age
41-50,
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writes: Hi there i am so glad i found this site as i need advice regarding my stupid affair... we met 3 months ago after a row with my partner (we have two children) i was feeling unappreciated and not been shown much affection for a while, i just kinda ended up kissing this man in a bar (my friend and i went for a catch up) and even told him from the start i was engaged with kids etc. i have been with my partner for 12 yrs and have never even so much as looked at another man so to kiss ben was a huge thing for me and felt so guilty that i told my partner the following morning. He was upset but forgave me, based on the fact that i had done it as i was feeling unloved at home. i told him because i was confident it wouldnt come to anything else. Then ben texed me later that day, initially i told him i had made a mistake and we must end contact but somehow one thing lead to another and he kept texting and sending pictures (he is really hot) and i even sent a few back after a while. In hindsight he pursued me, he was very persistant. We met up one night two wks later and had the best time, we went for a drink and onto a night club and kissed but the texts had been going on for months. we would text all day, every day and i love it. We go through a pattern, i tell him we need to stop.. the reasons why.. i tell him im unhappy at home.. the guilt about texting him.. im just honest with him (ironic i know).We stop communication then a few days later we are back on. We have even had arguments via text usually as we arranged to meet and then he would have an excuse, called to work or some other line. I am definietly more into him than he is me, he is single and i do think why the hell is he bothering with me, im engaged, two kids, baggage??? We met up again last week and had the best time, again just kissing, he texed me non stop the following day, how he had a great time with me and how good we could be together and then the next day nothing.It has been a week now and i have not heard from him, he has changed his mobile number (as he said he was about to do and would give me the number). I feel such a fool, for the last 3 months all i have done literally is think about him, i am looking out for him every time i go out, he made me feel so good about myself, like i was on a high, the texts were just so flirty and really enjoyable but now there is just no communication (i have sent texts to his old number and emailed him just asking why, no reply) i sound like a right mug but what can i do??? He has made me feel so different towards my partner, i am arguing a lot with him and challenging him a lot now, saying things like you dont love me any more, you are only with me coz of the children, what a horrible person i am, when all the time its me playing around, then to be ignored for whatever reason, its so odd coz his last text was so full on, how good we would be together, then...nothing, im in limbo and i hate it. I feel like he has turned my life upside down and just walked away easy.. single guy, nothing to lose, whereas there was me, trying not to start something, he persisted and now 3 months down the line im the love sick idiot questioning her homelife, whereas he just treats me like a yo, yo, my mood swings up and down... sorry for the rant, not even sure how this reads just needed to get it off my chest!! What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): just wanted to say the male readers comments starting 'well in life' is spot on!! excellent advise and support. many thanks for taking the time to compose this message.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): well in life you can not rewind the time and undo what you have done, so only thing now you can do is to face the consequences of what you did.
Obviously you are at wrong side of your conscience since you carried away by your desires and then now you are full of guilt and feeling used. your conscience is questioning you all day and there is nothing you can do about it. ( in life you can not run away from your self ).
Advice is that
1) Some how you need to make up your mind to be faithful to your family and gentleman husband. whom you are fighting all the time.The more you do of that, more guilt you will build up in you.
2) You need to say sorry to yourself and ask for forgiveness from your GOD and husband. ( This will do some heal up to your soul )
3) Promise to your self that you will make up for what mistake you did in life and never do it again. The more god ness you generate in you towards other, lesser you will have problems.
4) It will take few months of forgetting all that to you and others concerned. Change your mobile and all mail ids and all that. I am sure you would have already did that.
For that other man, it was additional women in life without any responsibility and commitment needs, so forget and never compare.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): I had the same story w/a guy who was texting like crazy for the past few months. very similar toyours. Went out w/him couple of times. Mine is sader than yours. I am not involved w/anyone, and we did have sex once. After that he texted me the next day, and then a week later, not a real talk, just a few sentences, and then stoped altogether.
I am not contacting him at all, not even tried. If he changed so much immediately after that one time, there is nothing here to expect.
That's what happened w/us girls. I think what they like is the chase, and when they feel they got you, interested is lost
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): Do you think its ok for your partner if he did this every time he feels unloved? Have you asked how he is feeling? Everything seems to be revolving around 1 person and thats you. Was you giving your partner attention or just as long as youre okay then so is everything else? You should leave your partner and allow him to get past you. He deserves more attention too.
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A
male
reader, James the Rocket  +, writes (28 August 2010):
Sounds like your boyfriend doesn't do it for you. Make an effort to have a romantic relationship with him, like you probably did before you had kids.Go for it. Get babysitting, go out to restaurants, the movies. Go for a weekend away.It sounds like you were not having sex with the other man? Apart from the one time? A lot of women text and message on their phone or on facebook and say it's fine. It's not. He's made you feel different towards your partner... that's why cheating is so bad.Forget the other guy and try and get back on romantic terms with you partner.
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