A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I feel all over the place at the moment and have no idea what to do. Theres this guy who I have been friends with for about 5 months now and he likes me I think and I like him a lot too...hes really nice, funny, charming, interesting, he respects me and always knows the right thing to say, so perhaps hes a bit of a sweet talker? I'm a non drinker and I guess this is my biggest concern as he drinks A LOT, he sort of has the atitude to 'live for alcohol' it seems, although he claims he doesnt think liek that, his actions state otherwise. Its not that I dont like drinkers, its just I dont think I could be with a guy who drinks so heavily, it goes against my beliefs. And to be honest, I duno if he accepts me for being a non drinker or not. He hasnt pressured me to drink, not yet anyway, but that could just be because we havent been in a drinking environment together yet.My other concern is that he is a pretty big flirt it seems, he flirts with me A LOT but i think he may do it with other girls too. If he was my bf, I dont know if this would continue or not...from my expeirience guys who are flirts still do it when they have gf's. I dont think i could cope with this...I dont really want to go out with him, until i feel 'safe' i guess- meaning i have more faith in that thigns could work out. but i dont know how to get that through just being friends. What are your thoguhts? I am 18 and he is 19.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): why dont you try to be friends for a bit first. i mean i know you are friends but mayb spending more time with him would be a good idea. Mayb being with him in a drinking environment will give you a better understanding of whats he's like when he's drinking and possibly see how he is around other girls aswell.
just an idea
but stand by your morals above all else
good luck
xx
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (26 December 2007):
 Hi there!
You are a very young gal and very mature for your age I would say! The truth is you should be exploring these areas with which you don't feel comfortable before starting a sentimental relationship, once your feelings are at play it becomes more difficult to be "objective".
When addressing someones alcohol consumption you should look out for:
1. A lot of his stories begin with, one time I was out drinking and...
2. He seems to be fond of being drunk rather than just having a couple of drinks. Alcoholics are defined by not wanting or being able to stop drinking.
3. He has gotten in trouble while drinking. While a lot of people have a few drinks, those who drink a lot have a tendency of getting into trouble with the law (by drunk driving or something of the sort), with their family, bf or gf and/or themselves.
Whatever your conclusion about his drinking and the possibility he might be alcoholic, you have to consider the common places for you both. If you go out partying with him and he gets drunk and starts saying nonsense (as a lot of drunk people do), you will be the only one not laughing, or he might get more "emotional" or loving and then not remembering, and that won't be funny, believe me! Maybe you just like going to the movies and having dinner and spending time with him at home whereas he might like doing all that and then go drinking (which he will do with or without you). And when a guy or gal drinks too much, they are more inclined to do things they will later regret much more so if he is naturally a flirt.
There is a lot of negotiation room in a relationship if he is such a wonderful guy. However, try to observe drinking patterns and stories and see if that lifestyle would match yours!
Finally, if you think he could have an alcohol dependency check for information on the web and be certain alcoholism is not a cause but a symptom, which means, there is a whole Pandora Box in that little head of him.
Best of lucks!
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